Young adult trauma and anxiety stopping me from living my life

[Haylzz]

So I’m a 23 year old female who has always hade anxiety especially separation but be extremely heightened now due to various trauma over the past five years and is bad now. 5 years ago I was an 18 year old cramming my last bit of study before my last exam and getting excited to graduate after what was a crappy highschool experience. That night my mum had a stage 5 aneurysm (very lucky she survived as it the worst stage to have). So my world got turned upside down in an instant. So when everyone was enjoying holidays I was in and out of hospital visits not just for my mum but for myself (as I was having several anxiety attacks a week that no one knew what to do in these situations) including myself.  

Fast foward 5 years my mum was diagnosed with aphasia due to her stroke. Luckily she has learnt how to do stuff like clean, cook, shop, drive. But struggles to read and understand conversations. I have found out like not even a week ago that after over 25 years of marriage my parents have decided to seperate. We are still staying in the same house while mum continue with her recovery but hope that we can help her be independent but it’s a long road ahead

4 years ago I got a boyfriend who I love. And shared great memories with. We always talked about moving to his home town which is 2 and a half hours away. Because he always played to I love the idea of a fresh start and hoping that it would give me better job opportunities. But every time we go to visit or a stay anywhere away (holidays or even staying at someone’s house) from home my anxiety gets triggered because of my home issues. We have been together a long time and have sturggled to see a lot of each other even before this happened. And I feel like it’s developed to a lack of effort on both parts. Right before I was going to have a conversation with him about where we were at as I felt my mental health as been already struggling, my parents announced their separation. So as you can see this has now made me spiralled a bit. I decided to put a break on mine and my boyfriend’s relationship until I decided what’s next and everything dies down. The problem I don’t know when that is and I’m extremely scared for what comes next. He has always been supportive of me and understood this decision as I thought it was best not just for me but for him. Anyways enough blabbering how can I overcome such bad separation anxiety that is causing me to self sabotage relationships and live my life like every 20 something is doing?

[Psychdiaries2]

Hey there, 

Thank you for your honesty, I hope you’re proud of yourself for opening up, it’s not easy. 

I’m sorry to hear about the ups and downs you’ve had over the last 5 years. It sounds really stressful and emotionally taxing. You’re not alone in what you’re going through. 

Have you spoken to a psychologist or GP about your anxiety? It sounds like there’s a lot on your plate right now and it would be helpful to speak to a professional. I’m sure they will be able to recommend a range of separation anxiety coping mechanisms that are healthy. I would like to suggest something that has helped me a lot in my anxiety which is deep breathing techniques. I’ve had anxiety for a while and discovered these exercises not too long ago. Research into them and see if they work for you. They have instantly calmed me down and helped me to focus on the present which I believe can be beneficial for you too.

Your boyfriend sounds supportive, so I’m sure he understands why you have needed to put a hold on the relationship. Just take it one step at a time. It is understandable that you’re feeling scared about what comes next, but sometimes you need to prioritise yourself and your own mental health. Don’t feel bad for doing that, your health is the most important thing. If you get the right support you need and are in a better headspace, then who knows, you guys might get back together in the future. For now, maybe it’s best to focus on yourself and being there for your parents in their hard time. 

I hope things will get a bit better for you soon. Keep reaching out and take care of yourself today 🙂

[Sol]

Hi Haylzz,

I think a lot of people in their 20s struggle, and there is still plenty of time to live your life. It sounds like several serious and stressful events have all happened around a similar time, which sounds very overwhelming. I don't have advice for your separation anxiety, but I wish you the best of luck with everything.

[Haylzz]

Thankyou this has given me some insight. I am currently seeing a psychologist and have been on medication for over 4 years. I have only recently gone back to seeing a psychologist after a little while to work on my issues. But I was only one session in when all this happened so been hard to navigate. But Thankyou