Dear Ranga,
I just wanted to let you know how much I relate to your post.
I am quite skilled at getting to the worst case scenario in the shortest possible time.
Any physical thing, a rash, a bump on my skin, a headache, a pain in my eye - I pretty much assume the worst.
About a year ago I woke up one morning with these weird tingles in my shoulder, then a bit of a rash appeared a few hours later, but any worries there went out the window when I started to have these sharp pains in my chest. I thought I was having a heart attack, and then panicked because I knew my Will wasn't up to date. So instead of trotting up to the hospital, I sit there clutching my chest while I draft an email to my solicitor sending him instructions! I did go to the dr after I'd sent my email and it turned out I had shingles 🙄
I tell you this just so that you know you are not alone, and also to say that there could be an explanation for the physical pain you are experiencing that might not be as serious as your fears are leading you to believe.
I'm really glad you're seeing the doc this weekend, you will find out if there is something to worry about or not. If there is something, you can take steps to deal with it. It's better to know, particularly when if you don't know, you really go to town in your imagination.
I am wondering if in between your sessions, maybe you could try some different exercises to cultivate compassion for your anxiety and for yourself? Things like, listening with unconditional love to the voice of your worry, thanking it and telling it you are getting things checked out so we can deal with what's going on.
There is a psychologist who specialises in self-compassion called Kristin Neff, she suggests a physical gesture such as holding your hands up to your heart (chest) and in your situation maybe saying to yourself something like "I know this is really frightening right now, I know there are lots of things we're worried about - it's ok I'm here with you, we will get through this together". It might sound like a weird thing to do, but it is an action full of compassion and is very powerful. You can find different exercises and meditations etc on the website self-compassion.org
If you are interested in meditation, I also have found Yoga Nidra a really helpful tool during times of distress - there are lots to choose from on different listening platforms. It has been proven to reduce stress, so it might be worth trying?
One more thing i wanted to suggest, i know it sounds super obvious, but on those occasions where you take your mind to the future and what could go wrong, simply bring yourself back to This Moment. Now. Feel your breath going in and out. Feel your feet planted strongly on the ground. Listen to the sounds around you. You can't do anything in the future - you can only do anything in this present moment. I love this reminder from Ram Dass:
Ask yourself: "Where am I?"
Answer: "Here".
Ask yourself: "What time is it?"
Answer: "Now".
Say it till you can hear it.
I hope you are able to show yourself and your worry lots of compassion today Ranga.
You are not alone.
🌻birdy
