Worrying myself Sick

[Gingy_75]

Hi all,

I’m new to these forums, so any advice will be most welcomed. I have suffered on & off for most of my life with GAD, HA & OCD which has been hell for my overall physical and mental health. Over the years I have had many health concerns which have turned out to be nothing... But at the moment I have some grave concerns about MND/MS. My mental health had subsided for quite sometime, until there was an unexpected death in the family late last year... since then my anxiety has reignited. Various physical symptoms arose triggering negative thoughts about my health & fear of death. I am so obsessed with my physical symptoms at the moment i.e pain/weakness in limbs, twitching, focusing on how I walk, testing strength & balance...I am also obsessed with Dr Google which only exacerbates my symptoms. I am so afraid of going to the docs as I fear they will only confirm my fears, but at the same time I also want the reassurance of finding out that there is nothing wrong. I cry most days about it as I have a husband and son whom I don’t want to be a burden on if I have this disease and fear how they will cope without me. At the moment I am consumed by this and can’t focus on anything else... I think my OCD won’t allow me to! I know the answers are obvious, but I think I’ve gotten to the point where depression is setting in & I just can’t see a way out!

Ranga#75

[Peppermintbach]

Hello,

I hope it’s okay for me to extend a caring welcome to you 🙂

I’m so sorry it has taken a while for you to receive a response. Sometimes it accidentally happens, but please don’t think it has anything to do with you (it really doesn’t). Again, I apologise about that.

It sounds like you have a lot of worries and fears on your mind. I imagine it must take a huge toll as I feel it would be very draining to constantly think about and look up symptoms online.

I’m deeply sorry about your loss last year. I think if that loss coincided with a return of your anxiety, it might be something worth exploring.

I’m not a doctor, so I can’t obviously diagnose you or draw connections/conclusions definitively. But purely speaking as a peer, I understand that grief from a loss can come out in unexpected ways. I think, for some people, it can even play out in anxious feelings. I’m not saying this is necessarily you though, but maybe something to think about (only if you want)?

It’s just that I feel losing a loved one can make some people feel unsafe (so to speak) because life starts to feel more unpredictable, almost as though anything/anyone could be taken from them at any moment. So for some people, it can manifest as (or trigger) very anxious thoughts. I’m not sure if that resonates with you though, but I still wanted to share my thoughts...

You sound very insightful, and I noticed you said that you know what you need to do to help yourself, but that you’re struggling to do it. Is it okay if I please ask what is it that you think will help?

It’s just that I wonder if we talked it through, maybe we could brainstorm ways to overcome those roadblocks that are stopping you from seeking help that you need. Just a little idea...you don’t have to do this unless you feel it might help you.

I’m thinking of you...

Kind and caring thoughts to you,

Pepper

[geoff]

Hello Ranga, and welcome to the forums.

I understand what you are saying, as I too have OCD, and know how easy it is for people with this illness to be consumed by what you have said but you need to talk with a doctor because sometimes the research we try to find out by ourselves only leads us into believing what's not true.

I want to say more to you but I'll send this off first of all.

Geoff.

[Gingy_75]

Hi Pepper,

Thanks so much for responding. Not sure that I was attached enough to the person who died for it to affect me emotionally, sure it was sad & I cried, but I think it was more the fact that he was young (37) with a young family that he’d left behind that affected me mentally. I think that is where my biggest fear lies, falling ill with a terminal illness a leaving my family behind is what scares me the most. I don’t want to put them through the burden of having to watch me slowly die... I know I have no control over some things, I think it’s the uncertainty that I fear.

I am seeing a therapist, but I only get to see him once a month, it’s not enough & where I’m living I cannot find a doctor that I feel comfortable enough with to talk through my issues with. I had a great doctor several years ago, but she has moved to a practice far from me and not so easy to get an appointment. Hard to deal with this pain and fear of not knowing, just want to talk to someone I can trust in & understands me. My family is reassuring me that I am ok and doing there best to comfort me, but mind overrules everything! Anxiety can be magnificently destructive, but when combined with pain it becomes paralyzing. If I can find a reason for the pain then maybe my mind might won’t worry so much!

[Gingy_75]

Hi Geoff

please say more, the more reassurance I get the better I feel... knowing I am not alone in my crazy though process is comforting. Horrible that we have to feel this way but good to know that we can help each other get through it.

[geoff]

Hi Ranga, OCD is caused by anxiety and thinking like this is something that might not happen, that's how this illness functions.

I'm terribly sorry about the passing of a family member and my sincere condolences.

Can I ask you how you were able to subside all of this before, that's important.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Gingy_75]

Hi Geoff

Can't really pinpoint a time where it has actually gone away completely, it has always been there. Meds have helped but always stopped when I was feeling better. Am taking a natural supplement at the moment, Neuromood but I dont think it’s quite strong enough to combat my mental state, even my therapist had a giggle when I told him I was taking them! So to answer your question I guess I have just gradually stopped thinking about the physical symptoms and continued to carry on...But for some reason this time the feelings seem more real & I can’t get in control of them like I used to, finding it harder to calm myself down.

[Kelly_Anne]

Hello, I know how you are feeling. I’m constantly worrying of the worst case scenarios! What helps is distracting myself heaps and keep talking to yourself letting yourself know it is out of your control and let things just go. It’s so tough I know! You are not alone with overthinking and constant worry.

[Gingy_75]

Hi Kelly Anne

I am interested to know what some of your worst case scenarios & fears are? At the moment I am in constant physical pain, I manage to get through each day but not without fear or worry that something is horribly wrong with me, it’s starting to affect my day to day life! I find it very hard to switch off from it all! Have appointment with doc on weekend, so hopefully she can ease some of my fears or possibly make them worse, the first scenario seems the most obvious, but my mind just goes straight to the worst! Hate this feeling of impending doom!

[geoff]

Hello Ranga or do you prefer Gingy, I don't think we can pinpoint a time where it has actually gone away completely because it is always there, sometimes we know that it's much stronger than it is at another time, depending on the circumstances and sometimes we can improvise in a situation that we're not accustomed to.

Can I suggest you write this down on a piece of paper, and I say this rather than print out what you told us because there maybe other issues that you haven't told us but need to talk with your doctor about.

Have you asked your doctor about the 'mental health plan', this will entitle you to 10 Medicare paid sessions per year to see a psychologist.

As Kelly Anne said 'it's out of your control and just let things go' or designate a certain time and you can call this your worry time.

Please let us know how you get on.

Geoff.