Hi everyone, I’m new here!
I have been dealing with horrible anxiety since late last
year when my partner abruptly up and left me. We have since reconciled, but I
can’t help worry almost daily that this will happen again. I am scared to not
worry in case it happens again, it’s as though I think this will lessen the
pain if it does happen (silly, I know).
I worry about worrying, and worry that it will upset him and
he will leave again. I have suffered bouts of anxiety previously in my life,
but nothing to this degree. We have a good relationship, the reason he left was
heartbreaking and we were both grieving. I just feel like my anxiety will
slowly push him away.
I look for signs in every message, every verbal conversation
we have, that he might leave me again or that his feelings are changing.
My GP referred me to a psychologist, who I have seen a few
times now. She is great, but we more so talk about ways to work through my
anxiety and she gives me homework to do. She has suggested meditation which I
can only seem to do at night before I sleep as during the day it makes me feel
more anxious. She has asked that I keep a ‘Worry Journal’, which I am yet to
start, possibly because writing down every time I worry will make me feel
crazy, as I worry a lot.
My anxiety started from the sudden relationship change, but
has since stemmed further into worrying about certain family members falling
ill. One of the did and I guess that just proved worrying doesn’t prevent
anything. I wish I could just switch my brain off at times as it makes me
physically sick. I have lost almost 30kg this year and feel weak at times. It’s
hard to swallow any solid food, it was hard to even drink water at first.
I guess the point of this post is to reach out to others who
are suffering from a similar issue. I enjoy seeing my psychologist, although
sometimes I come out feeling worse.
Sometimes I just want to talk to another human who suffers
from anxiety and understands. I find talking incredibly therapeutic!
I hate how this is consuming me lately and just want to feel
better.
I have been prescribed medication but don’t know if I want
to take that route. I am afraid of side effects, and as much as I don’t want to
feel the way I do I worry that it might numb it all too much and I will never
be able to recover and just become dependent on the medication.
This post is a lot longer than I intended, sorry!
Thanks for reading - winterily 🙂
