We all need love and compassion

[HelenM]

This post is appropriate to the depression forum too. 

From reading posts on here, from one or two friends and from my own experiences, I  am staggered at the horrendous suffering we experience with mental illness. I could cry for us all. And in a way I should because we have to be the compassion for each other. What we live with is unseen by others and so unaccepted. Despite caring family and friends I do not feel a true part of society.  Take care, all of us  xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Helen

Yeah I think it is easier for us sometimes to give compassion to other people, because we know what it feels like. I too just burst into tears...... I hope you are getting along OK today.

xXxX Shelley

[Neil_1]

Dear Helen

It’s always lovely to see your posts and I enjoy writing to you here.

With this short but very well written post, I’m sensing that you’re doing it rather tough at the moment – if not for perhaps sometime.  If this is the case, then it’s awesome that you’ve been able to come here and post.

I read with a smile that you do have caring family and caring friends, that is great to know and can and should be of a great comfort to you.  But before I go on, I will say that though we do have this (and while it’s absolutely awesome to know and to have), quite often our depressive state will over-ride whatever positives that this can have for us.  The power of the depression can be so dominant and while we can have good mechanisms set in place, the depressive state that surrounds us can make our daily living like – like it’s just bloody hard.  Words kind of escaped me then.

Now Helen, sit with me here and listen – are you sitting?  Good.  Now, what’s this baloney about (hey, have you ever noticed how similar the word baloney and balcony are? – and two words very diverse in their meaning – whoops, slight digression) you not feeling a true part of society?

I would like to lay down some money and THEN raise you some to say that you are a part of society.  You live, you breathe and therefore, you are.  And if you are, then you are a part of society.  Your own society.  The one that you know, the one that you share your world with;  the friends, the family, neighbours, the local shop-keeper, the person who rode a bike the other day and you waved at them, the person who opened a door for you recently, or you did for them.  It is all part of society.

Now I could really hook in big time here and write masses more, but I’m suspecting that I should shut up for the time being and send this off.  But I will really enjoy receiving a response back from you.

Kind regards

Neil

[HelenM]

Dear Neil,  thank you for your lovely post.  I felt very moved. Yes you're right, we are part of society. When my mood is down I find it hard to feel as though I belong. But then as you say depression overrides all the good stuff. Tbh  when I'm well I feel really positive about myself. A bit like you sound in your post -  upbeat, keen to help and happy to laugh at myself. You really like people, it's clear, and so do I. If the people in my life knew I felt that I wasn't part of society they, d be shocked

. I was doing fairly well but in July a good friend took his life. This has affected me badly. I was improving but last month I had a minor health worry. For me, minor means big.

But I shall be positive for a moment.  It's the least I can do after your lovely post. This evening (it's 4pm in Scotland) I am going to the pictures with my son.  I was going to say no but I know it will do me good.

So thank you for your post and hopefully soon I will be in a better place.  Helen

[HelenM]

Shelley Anne,  thank you for your post. Life's a bit tough just now. It's nice to meet people on here who are so supportive. How are things with you? I haven't seen your posts (sorry).

Take care, Helen 

[geoff]

dear HelenM, the title of this post is something we all long for 'love and compassion' our absolute desire we hope that could be reciprocated, but sometimes love only goes one way and we wonder why, and when it doesn't happen the disappointment is enormous, actually it's grief on how we feel, and rejection is a word that destroys our own confidence and self esteem, because all we want is love and companionship, that's not much to ask for is it, and why should we have to beg for it, because when we do this, it's not true love, is it.

The same applies to when someone we know or love so dearly can't reached out to us for help when they are faced with a difficult decision, or when they are in mourning about a person who is either struggling or who has decided to take their final option, because this is where the love and compassion should kick in, to help their dear friend or family member.

So is their a difference when we are in a situation where we need help, absolutely no, but we are too scared to tell someone, someone who we have helped for their own problems for such a very long time, so this is the time when we really need help.

We can't reached out with an invisible hand to get help from someone, they need to actually see our hand, because there are people, friends or family that dearly want to help you, because the word 'love' can be said, but it has to have meaning to it, and there are people who mean what they say. Geoff, x

[Neil_1]

Dear Helen

Hey, what movie did you go to see?  Oh, and how old be your son?

And I hope you enjoyed it … and was able to zone out for the period that the movie was on.  I also enjoy going to the movies with my fam – but as long as it’s something good.

Yes, I thought I recalled that you were posting earlier a couple of months ago about that awful tragedy.  Minor health worries – for me that would be a sprained ankle, so anything more than a sprained ankle should be major, or big.  I hope things have settled down a little for you, but I guess you’d be well aware that the times ahead will be a bit like a rollercoaster with regard to your friend.  Times you’ll be improving and then there’ll be something that’ll bring you plummeting down.  As long as you know this, that can help a little – that’s what grief is and does, I guess.

And hey, if you’re not in a better place in the near future, just remember that you’ve got heaps of friends and supporters here.  I would also guess that you’ve got your own support people and mechanisms in place in your lovely place in the world.  Hey one thing, I bet you’re getting a hell of lot more rain than what we do over in this part of the world.

And now that I think about it, you’d be moving towards your winter, would you not?  What temperatures do you get down too?

Isn’t weather a great levelling topic – it happens every day and can quite often be talked about without too much stress and anxiety;  well, just in my opinion.

Neil

[HelenM]

Hi Geoff On here compassion abounds and I think we can trust people to not judge us.  In the real world it's easy to mistrust people even when they're genuine. I always feel I'm an equal on here. Sad to say but with the exception of people I'm close to I don't feel that way anywhere else. I

think iit's great you've been on here for so long.  I hope you keep well most of the time.   Helen x 

[HelenM]

Hi Neil      

 I love your posts. It's like a big dog bounding up to you from the river, shaking itself and giving that look that says,  life's great isn't it.  This is a compliment believe me. Your posts always make me smile.

My son is 35. We went to see Sunset Song. It's a beautiful story set in the East of Scotland during the first world war. It was very moving and my son had to listen to his mother snivelling.  

 I'm very up and down as you say. I've got a really good husband and a few supportive friends.  My son is very pragmatic so he'll loan me his car or suggest going to the pictures or meeting up for coffee. My daughter comes each week with her three year old twin boys who I love but wouldn't want to be a full time carer like some grans.  

Weather! Now there's a subject. We get various types : rain, torrential rain, showers, light rain, intermittent rain, apologetic rain, driving rain. When it's not raining it will be a bit dry. In the summer if it's not raining it might be quite warm. The wind is usually at brolly breaking strength but not tree breaking. We don't get a lot of snow these days owing to global warming. Any thunder and lightning storms are just not up to the task. But there are areas of Scotland I've seen that take my breath away because the mist or rain or whatever make them wild and remote and although I've been to a lot of countries I've seen the greatest beauty here. That's enough talk of weather. I could go on all day.     At the moment it's winter. It gets light at 8am and is dark by 4pm. I've known it to go as cold as  - 20 but that's very unusual. Just now it's about 1.      Sad person that I am I've really enjoyed talking about the weather, maybe because it affects our lives so much.  Bye for now,  Helen x

[Neil_1]

Dear Helen

I LOVED your weather portrayal, it was awesome.  I really got the picture of every type of scenario that you presented (oh ok, except for the apologetic rain).  We’re in our daylight saving mode at the moment, so the evenings are longer with it not getting dark till around 8pm-ish.  Temps are getting to around 30 degrees at present – I do like the warmer weather, so at least that’s something for not to be too unhappy about.

So for me, you can wax on lyrically about the weather as much & as often as you would like.  I did even shiver at some of your images of places where it’s so wild & remote & with strong winds blowing & rain beating down – that’s my kind of weather – to view through the lens of a camera via TV documentary.

Ahh, the old ‘moving & emotion charged’ movies – yes, it’s amazing when they can bring forth our emotions.  Here’s a big recollection from years gone by.  I went to the movies (drive-in movies) with my bro way way back – to see a Jon Voigt movie “The Champ”.  I must have been in my early teens, so it was long long ago, but I won’t put a spoiler alert in, just in case you haven’t seen it.  All I will say is that near the end of the movie, I had to turn away & look out the passenger window, so my bro wouldn’t see my tears falling.  Oh wow, another lovely recollection of my bro & me together – if you’ve read other posts of mine, you’ll know he’s no longer with us, “Thank you Helen” for letting me share that little snippet.  But as you can imagine, it wouldn’t have been very mucho at the time for him to see me with tears streaming down my face.

I’ve gotta say Helen that I really loved your image that you portrayed of me.  It almost reduced me to tears that you should say something so wonderful like that – I really took it as you suggested it, but the tears came close because for me in the real person, that seems so far removed from how I really am or feel.  I think cause I’m fighting with my own hell hound a lot & it leaves me feeling empty, sad & just downright low.

I guess that’s a good reason why I come here – so I can punch that mongrel black dog in the nose for a short while & while he’s backed off for a bit, I can launch myself to reach out to others & to provide help & ‘be in their world’ for an ever so short time.

So I shall simply gallop up beside you & give you the biggest shake of my body possible & grin stupidly at you & say, “I dun good, didn’t I”.  🙂

Neil