Wanting to ‘go home’

[blegz]

Hello  —

I’ve been experiencing this feeling of ‘wanting to go home’ and thought I’d ask if anyone else has experienced something similar.

Over the last 10 years I’ve moved around quite a lot - relocating interstate several times for work. 

Currently I’m living back at home with my parents. The pandemic brought about a lot of change—end of a long term relationship, career drop off due to lockdowns, loss of loved ones, stress and anxiety—which altered my sense of feeling centred, settled, in control of my life.

Some mornings I wake up and feel comfortable but out of place and this feeling rushes through my body physically and stirs my thinking of “wanting to go home”.

I’m 30, fit and healthy, but live with PTSD and ongoing anxiety/depression, which is managed through self care routines.

I wondered if anyone else has experienced this feeling before and how you managed to resolve the thoughts or the tension it creates?

The physical feeling of being uncomfortable usually lasts 10-15 minutes, before I can completely calm myself down. The thoughts however, linger on.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I joined the RAAF at 17yo and had that feeling. But also my holidays as a young teenager was from the mainland to Tasmania on a farm. That is where I've always considered "home". Hence me numerous cousins that spent their whole life there I've been envious of. To this day (I'm 66yo) I've felt that loss when a cousin rings me and talks about relatives in their small town, the farms and the family.

I put all this down to fantasy however. It isnt unlike splitting up with a long term partner and over time thinking of getting back together but only when you meet up you realise the negatives have been ignored. In my case if I moved to Tasmania I wouldnt enjoy the interactions my cousins have because I never went to school there, would take decades to "fit in" and besides, my daughter lives in Melbourne.

I commend you for being able to calm yourself down. To add to this ability is to eliminate anxiety altogether which is possible. The following link might help.

Replay anytime

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

TonyWK

[blegz]

Hey Tony, thanks for the encouragement and empathy. That old saying "home is where the heart is" is probably part of this feeling, my "heart" was attached to things which are now no longer... and a break-up never helps in that regard.

I think fantasy is a big part of it for me too. It's easy to focus only on the good parts of memories and assume all the rubbish parts weren't ever there. Or that if I acted on the desire to "go back" it would all be perfect, but that's highly unlikely. Time has got to be the hardest part of healing... there is no short cut to finding its effects.

Thanks for the link. Good to know it's possible to eliminate anxiety. Some days the stress of slow progress compounds my thinking that this might be how I feel for the rest of my days. I've never been good at sitting still.

Cheers,

Brandon

PS thank you for your service in the RAAF.