Trusting others (general and non)

[Vixxyne]

Hey all! A few years ago I was assaulted sexually by my ex from 1 year. Since then I have been having trouble with my anxiety (I have had this before the assault, perhaps since primary school).  Now that two years have past, I have had Asshole substance abuse and have currently been in contact with the abuser aka my ex. I could really use someone to talk to but because of my anxiety, I have a panic attack when calling or answering the phone. Thanks, Vixxyne.

[white knight]

Hi welcome

Thanks for posting and I hope you feel at ease here. I can address the question of anxiety as I too had it since a young age but I eliminated it 99% by the time I was 56yo in 2012, it took 22 years though.

Anxiety is a serious illness that can lead to other even more serious illnesses like depression that is far harder to reduce than anxiety. So in 1989 approx I had a workplace incident that led to a panic attack. I was falsely diagnosed with a heart attack at the time so that shocked me, I gave up cigarettes and was off work for 10 months. I decided to embark on trying all the things that can reduce anxiety. Rather than list them all I have links below that contain them.

Feeling the reduction of anxiety begins very soon once the processes are put in place but yes it can take years to eliminate it. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-year...

I hope they help, you only need to read the first post of each.

TonyWK

[Ben]

Hi. I'm saddened to hear you were sexually assaulted. I think you're brave in reaching out. I'm new to these forums and although my mental health issues are objectively much less significant, I already found it very hard to find the courage to reach out so your bravery is admirable. Although I have no lived experience with sexual assault survivors, I would offer some suggestions.

Is it phone calls specifically that trigger your panic attacks? Would an online chat be workable instead? For example, 1800Respect (https://www.1800respect.org.au/), a national service for domestic violence survivors, has multiple methods to contact them, including an online chat and text messages. If you wish to stay with Beyond Blue, they also provide counsellers via web chat (https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor).

I also recall a recent ABC news article about restorative justice as an alternative to the police/legal system, the latter of which typically results in a negative experience for survivors. The article mentions an organisation called Transforming Justice Australia, which I believe can be contacted via multiple means including email and an online form at the bottom of their website. I have also been incidentally in contact with them (to report a broken link on their site) and they mentioned the following:

"We try to be really flexible as everyone had different needs for engaging. You could let us know if there's another way that would work best for you."

I would imagine that 1800Respect and Beyond Blue may also be able to accommodate alternative communication methods, since I would expect the needs of survivors to be quite variable. So for example, if you contact them via web chat, which would initially not be too dissimilar to posting to this forum, perhaps you can let them know if you need something else, like email or something. For example, in the event the real time nature of web chat would give you a panic attack.

Beyond Blue also has a dedicated forum section for PTSD and trauma (https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/ptsd-and-trauma/bd-p/c1-sc2-b3). It's description specifically includes sexual abuse as a topic. So you might also consider cross posting there. Other survivors may have better and more relatable suggestions to offer. A word of warning, though: even if you post there, you may choose not to read threads created by others, as the topics there can be triggering. So unlike other forum sections, where you're encouraged to read about other people's topics, I believe it's more than acceptable not to for this one if you're unable to.