Struggling to cope with social anxiety

[biscotti81]

I have a lifelong history of generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety and depression with ptsd and trauma more recently.

I had a not to bad run from the years 18-28. Then I developed a chronic illness and had two children shortly afterwards.

I'm struggling with my anxiety of late. Over the last few years socializing has become so difficult. I want to be more social but when I do, I go over everything I've said and done.

My mind goes blank, I become anxious, I lose concentration, I have difficulty stringing sentences together, become very quiet and awkward. I'm on medication and had tons of psychotherapy in the past.

It's so embarrassing and beyond my control. People must think I'm a freak. I am fine online and on the phone, but struggle in person.

I'm finding it easier to stay home to avoid it but I can't do this forever and have two kids.

I want so much to be social but just never fit in...........:( I'm tired of being a misfit. I've tried attending anxiety groups without success. I don't know what else to do 😞

[Cornstarch]

I don't suffer from 'social anxiety' per se, but I go really really quiet when I first meet people. Some assume it's because I must be 'shy'.

It's not. It's because I'm trying to figure out if they're are safe or not. Once I find out they're safe. You can't shut me up!

I have two friends that have social anxiety. One friend without compounding issues, she says she's always been that way, and so is her son. She can't understand why she feels that way because she is way way above average intelligence. She gets frustrated with her social anxiety because her logical self knows it's irrational and she said she had a 'fantastic' childhood.

The other has compounding issues i.e: an eating disorder. She has been absolutely obsessed with her looks for years and years and years and years. If you scrutinise everything about your face and body all day long, while looking at images of beautiful, perfect bodies all day long online, and you have social anxiety, once you step outside you're probably going to feel very inward looking and self conscious. She's in a vicious cycle and no-one has been able to help her.

Is it something that has come up recently?

[biscotti81]

Hi Cornstarch,

Your comment:

Some assume it's because I must be 'shy'.It's not. It's because I'm trying to figure out if they're are safe or not. Once I find out they're safe. You can't shut me up!

I realised I also do the same. I must also be trying to figure out if they're safe or not. Makes sense since my mother has severe narcissistic personality disorder.

As soon as I see someone eye rolling, yawning, smirking, etc at me, I become paranoid they're doing this to me.

I suffered additional trauma/ ptsd last year when my NPD mother stayed in my home and became abusive, which escalated into domestic violence against my father. (Not the first time)

I'm trying to move past this but am struggling with these demons