Very sad dad with GAD (carcinophobia)

[blackdogwhitedog]

Hello everyone,

Firstly, thank you for your posts to this site – I’ve found
it helpful to know I am not alone in my health anxiety. I do hope you all
manage to overcome your fears and can lead a happy life.

I just wanted to say hello, and to tell you a little about
my struggle.

I myself have been struggling for over two years with a
terrifying fear of cancer, to the point where my doctors and loved ones no
longer take me very seriously. I have had some serious health issues, which
thankfully have passed, however the cancer scare is there and terrifying. You
all know the familiar story, every small and not so small symptom, bump, or
scratch can only mean one thing. Cancer!

I’ve seen countless doctors for countless ailments, I’ve
sought reassurance from loved ones, and I’ve found some solace in books (about
stoic philosophy) and my studies (astronomy). However I’m not the man I once
was, with very few feelings of joy within me.

These days I do my best to hide my anxiety from my kids, who
I love dearly, and my wife, who I also love dearly. I have professional psychological
help (have had for a long time), have had medication, and battle that fear and
its cousin, the dreaded “black dog” with all my might. But it seems that for
every step forward, there is a step or two back.

I feel helpless, but gain some respite when I write about my
experience (in my private diary), and now that I have found this site, reading
your stories, as upsetting as they are, give me strength by knowing I am not
alone.

That’s all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading.

[Carmela]

Hi and thank you so much for sharing your story. Your words represent strength for you write with a purpose to seek to heal from the black dog. There is also courage for you write to share your experience rather than closing your heart and that is amazing.

Cancer is frightening, and l speak from experience. However, l look at that part of my life as being a warrior, for l truly believe it takes every little bit of strength to push through and see the light at the end of the diagnosis, treatments, etc. You also a warrior pushing through life challenges. They only make you more resilient and grow your passion to be and do more because your very life was threatened. Please don’t hide who you are. Speak to your wife and share your thoughts. I support my husband with depression and would rather he tell me how he is feeling than using unnecessary energy to conceal it. The right people are there to support you. It is easier to manage the black dog and life challenges where there is a team.

It is wonderful to read that you are so proactive with your mental health and receiving psychological help and taking medication. The battle will be easier with it than without.

We are here for you and know that your story is important and worth sharing.

Blessing,
Carmela

[blackdogwhitedog]

Thanks Carmela you are an inspiration. Finding things tough right now I still feel in the depths of my soul that something terrible is happening to me. I'll battle on and try to get through it. Thank you for your note