Still feeling stuck, idk what to do

[Aussie.Girl]

I need some advice on where to go from here.

I left my job at the end of 2023 because I was feeling overwhelmed and it was beginning to trigger RSI (particularly in my hand/wrist).

I also thought that having less responsibility for a while would reduce my stress but it hasn't really made much difference.

I had all these plans of things I wanted to do and couldn't because work was taking so much of my time and energy, and I have barely started any of them. 

I think part of the problem is when people ask about what I want in life the answer is a modest house somewhere not too far from basic necessities on a couple of acres so I can have my horse at home instead of agisted elsewhere.  And I don't know how I will ever be able to achieve that. 

Even if I were earning 100k a year it wouldn't be enough by myself to afford something like that. 

If I ever could, I would probably be middle-aged or even older by then and I'm not sure I'll be able to enjoy it the way I could now (at 27).

And then in terms of everyone asking what kind of job I want (given I am currently unemployed) the honest answer is that ideally I don't want to work at all (no one does, do they?) but that's not possible.

So the answer then becomes a job with 3-4 days a week of simple tasks with minimal pressure/deadlines and no working outside of 'work hours'. I'm not sure if that job exists though...

My ex-boss has offered me "just a couple of days work" in Feb because she needs to take a couple of days off, but I'm reluctant to say 'yes' because I think I would just get dragged back into exactly what I was doing before. 

The couple of days would turn into, can you help on X day too, and then maybe two days the following week etc and it would be as if I never left. 

If I could guarantee it would only be 2-3 days I'd say yes, but I can't. And I'm aware I could say no to the additional shifts but I had a hard enough time leaving the first time due to being shy and non-confrontational. 

But if I'm just going to sit around doing nothing anyway maybe its better I do go back, because at least then I'm earning money. 

I've had a look at other jobs but none of the ones I've seen so far would be a good fit for me, so idk what to do.

I really thought having some time off would mean I could reflect on myself and decide on my next career path but I just feel overwhelmed and stressed any time I think about it.

I should also add that my life outside of work isn't exactly stress free and I'm actually starting to think work was less stressful... 

This could also influence my 'i want my own house' mentality. Renting isn't an option because I don't want someone else to be able to tell me I can't have pets or put up fences etc.

My goals just seem perpetually out of reach and I can't see a way to fix that. Should I just go back to my old job until I figure it out? 

Any advice would be appreciated. I just feel so lost and I really have no idea what to do. 

[Flop]

Hey Aussie Girl,

Firstly you have lots of options at your disposal which probably doesn't alleviate the stress at all, but I think that's also a good thing. If you're firm with your employers about the few days a week, it sounds like you didn't actually obtain all of this stress from work, and keeping busy could even lessen your stress if time at home isn't making you feel much better. You could make your situation to your employer known so that turning down additional shifts is always backed by that reason so it won't be as hard to decline.

I know places like Woolies and things of that nature are really good for being able to make your own hours if your casual/part time. If that'll be an easier workload I could recommend looking into that but if that's not your cup of tea, you know best.

Your goal is very ambitious, and it's hard with how much everything has skyrocketed. Regardless of what you choose, you could always set aside whatever money you want towards your goal making it slowly, but evermore achievable. Try not to be crestfallen at your dream taking it's time, it's an exciting aspect building towards your future and I wish you the best with all of it.

I hope you can sort of your stress with your home life, it's not easy pushing yourself to work when the place your returning to feels burdening. Whatever it is, it won't be forever and I'm hoping it gets better soon.

I don't really know if any of this was helpful, but please don't feel pressured. One day at a time, you're doing great by the sounds of it 🙂 

Take care!!!

[Aussie.Girl]

Thank you for your reply. 

Unfortunately in my area places like Woolies only really hire teenagers because you don't have to pay them as much for doing the same job. Also, having worked as a casual before I really disliked feeling as though I couldn't start anything or plan anything 'just in case' I got called into work. 😕

In terms of returning to my old job, it took me a year to actually leave once I decided I didn't want to work there anymore. And I really don't want to end up right back where I started.

I'm also wary of the possibility that now that I've left it doesn't seem to bad, but if I went back I would immediately remember how much I wanted to leave and then that would leave my boss in a really awkward position. 

I worked so hard to keep on good terms with her that I don't want to mess her around by going back and then immediately leaving again. 

Also, I don't want to explain my current situation to her because she would want to check in and ask if everything's ok every time I see her and I prefer not to talk about it. 

I don't want people treating me like I'm made of glass or making me upset by asking questions I don't want to answer all the time. 

I know that's probably not healthy, but I would rather people didn't know. It's different to admit I'm struggling anonymously to strangers online vs someone you see regularly. 

To make matters worse, I have just been told that the agistment my horse is at is being sold... 

So now I have to find somewhere else to keep him -again-, and there are fewer and fewer places available. 

The only ones I can find have the wrong kind of fencing, are over an hour away or are twice as expensive as what I'm paying now. 

My stress from being at home is mostly because my family (5 including me) includes three people with long-term health issues and the remaining person aside from me works full-time, so unfortunately I don't think that's likely to change. 

Sorry if this seems like I'm just complaining about everything... 

What would you do in my situation?

[Flop]

Hello again,

I don't think you're complaining at all. You're going through a very tough time and expressing your feelings is always completely valid.

It's very kind of you to consider your boss in all this, and if you really disliked being there then definitely don't push yourself to go back. Making yourself miserable isn't worth it. It's good you're feeling better about leaving, maybe that'll ease a little bit of your stress.

I can understand not wanting peoples sympathy and standing on your own two feet. I'd say that sort of mentality came from how you were raised and isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as if you ever need you do have people that can support you through difficult times and people you could express yourself to if you needed.

I'm really sorry to hear about your home situation, that does sound very stressful. You're being strong for them and I think that's very stoic and noble. I hope everyone's okay.

That really sucks with the agistment. It may seem like things are piling up but try and take them one at a time. Hopefully you can find some place that's right for you and your horsey.

I think maybe take this time you have now to try and relax, try and ease all these stresses and once you feel more up to it then start to think about moving forward with a different workplace or whatever you decide is right for you. There's no rush and I know it's easy to think life is a bit like a ticking time bomb where everything needs to be sorted instantly... tho that would be nice if it was lol. You have all the time in the world, your mental health comes first and if you did tell anyone, they'd understand completely.

I just want you to know it's okay and in the end everything will work out, even if it seems like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. Take things day by day and live in the present. I think everyone who thinks about their future stresses out heaps, of course it should be thought of on occasion, but you already have a rough idea of what you want your future to look like. Time away from this worry could make it less overwhelming.

Hopefully this was helpful. Take care, wishing you the very best.

[Aussie.Girl]

Thank you for your advice. 

I have been trying to distract myself and relax over the past week or so but it isn't really working so far. I just keep thinking that ignoring my problems isn't going to solve them. 

If only there was an instant solution to everything, it would make everyone's lives so much easier. 

I will need to give my ex-boss an answer before the end of the month, but after that hopefully I will have some time to relax before I have to sort out new agistment.  

Thank you again for your help.