I cant stop this terror inside me, i am constantly having anxiety
attacks throughout the day and night and cannot relax at all. if im able
to function, its because ive taken L Trytophan powder with some soy milk
but i still have lingering panic insti...
View more
I cant stop this terror inside me, i am constantly having anxiety
attacks throughout the day and night and cannot relax at all. if im able
to function, its because ive taken L Trytophan powder with some soy milk
but i still have lingering panic instilled in me.i cannot function, i
cant not stop crying and feeling extreme anxiety and upset. Its non
stop.i have GAD and depression and was finding things really hard this
year due to my only friend and his schizophrenia and substance abuse and
also having to drive my parents everywhere due to my dads car actually
catching on fire in the driveway on our acerage. His car was not
insured. I havent been well for years but last year and the year before
was panic things that happened but resolved but i kinda got burnt out. i
have written on here before about things. I live on 5 acres of land
which i love and i have my chickens, i live with my parents and our
neighbours are so far away. Great views of the valley and a house facing
north to catch the sun. All these values have been here in this family.
Its been part of my identity, my home and ive lived here since 1997. its
semi- rural. ive been trying to cope this last year and since, always
tied up in bed if i wasnt driving my parents or lending my car to my
dad. I have my little pet dog with me everywhere i go in the car and i
have loved feeding wild birds at home. But i havent socialised except
for my friend with schizophrenia. Ive basically been a recluse all my
life and im 40 years old female. ive been trying to get on my feet when
my dad out of nowhere brought in a real estate agent into the house to
value it ( we did a clean of the house) and then whilst the agent was
here my dad said that we were going to sell this place soon, first i
knew of that same with my mum. But dads like that, installing fear into
me and grief literally. To make it worse, he told me that mum and i have
to find a house for us all within 2 months because he wants to sell this
place ( my cherished sanctuary) within 2 months so he can have money
left over to play with essentially.so our block of land is worth a bit,
and he wants us to find a medium - cheap priced house so that he can
invest the rest in silver to try and raise money for my sister so she
can have a house because he had alot of money invested in some shares
which has been in shutdown for a year due to court cases and corruption.
That was his way of raising revenue to get my older sister who is a
single mum and a bit of a narcissist i may add a house too, but i think
dads tired of waiting. So hes instilled tremendous fear into me. I am in
a nervous breakdown, i think i have agoraphobia and have for some time.
I have never lived close to people like an urban thing. The move is from
a rural place which is incredibly private into a house somewhere in the
same tourist town but not rural. I have to give up my chickens and say
goodbye within 2 months all of a sudden when i cant cope or function and
have to have this looming fear over me. Just to even think about
neighbours and fences next to me ive always detested and part of my
identity has been where i live. Just even thinking about it breaks me
down. Just to even look at realestate online i have to go thru anxiety
attacks really bad and then put myself back together. I cannot function
and feel incredibly the worst ive ever felt. Just sheer terror, my home
is being ripped from under me at a time when ive been really ill and im
supposed to look for a place within 2 months? I feel incredibly ill with
my stomach and anxiety. i see a counselor but shes $$ and i cant see her
regularly shes not on the medicare yet. But i have a gov scheme i maybe
able to bump some free sessions wih another counselor. But how am i
expected to cope with all this because i really need assurance and
someone to help me tell me everything be ok etc. my parents don’t
understand a bit, my mum is partly deaf and my dad might be on the
spectrum slightly. Mum doesn’t understand why im like this. I don’t
understand how they can just go about their day without breaking down
because of the fear of this situation.
Hi! Check out this post if you're not sure how to start
