Chronic Sadness...

[E92]

Lately sadness and anxiety has been seeping out of me. The slightest conversations regarding family and a loss in some kind of way (real life or fictional) seem to trigger me. A friend opened up to me recently about something personal and it triggered my unresolved childhood trauma and had my throat and chest tighten up and tears flooded out and sream down my face uncontrollably. Which made me feel so guilty, guilty that I couldn't hold myself together and just be there for my friend and feeling like an absolute narcissist and made the situation about me.

Today just my thoughts seem to have me in tears. Thoughts of worthlessness, feeling like people think I'm stupid when I try to articulate what I'm thinking, feeling like I'm not good enough and that maybe it would be better if I just vanished. It physically hurts. I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to. I'm lonely and feel hopeless. 

[Mark Z.]

Hi E92,

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time, and it's important to reach out for support.

I would suggest you to seek professional help. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional such as a therapist or counselor through your GP. They can provide guidance, support, and help you work through your unresolved childhood trauma. They can also assist you in developing coping strategies for your anxiety and sadness.

Alternatively, consider joining a support group where you can connect with others who may have similar experiences or challenges. Sharing your feelings in a supportive environment can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide validation.

Meanwhile, try to challenge negative thoughts. They can be overwhelming, but try to challenge them by questioning their validity. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations and remind yourself of your worth and capabilities. Consider keeping a journal to write down your thoughts and feelings as a way to gain perspective. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer to a friend. Remember that it's okay to have emotions and to need support.

Moreover, don't forget to take care of your physical health. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time in nature.

Hope everything will be better.
Mark

[geoff]

Hello E92, you have to appreciate that when we are silently struggling with depression of any type, it's possible that we could be triggered by what someone else says to us, either when we are with them, or eventually when we are not with them. 

At times we just can't pretend that what has been said is a trigger to us, our emotions are too strong and then dominate our reaction.

It could easily bring back old memories we have been trying to hide, but all of a sudden, it's hit a nerve and then it continues.

Don't feel lonely because there are many of us who have been in the same position as you and know what it all means, and you won't be able to overcome any of this until all these past grievances are spoken about with a counsellor, then eventually you can become much stronger, and if they are spoken about, you are able to push them aside, but it takes hard work to understand why this needs to be done, so as to protect yourself.

I am really sorry for you, but never think it's something you can avoid, until you reach this part in your life.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[therising]

Hi E92

You sound like such a beautiful deeply feeling person. My heart goes out to you as you work through such challenging emotions and thoughts while trying to make better sense of them all.

I think there can be such a variety of factors that can lead us to begin feeling more deeply than ever before. So, it's kinda like if we've always had the ability to basically feel, something's come along to really turn the volume up. My mum actually said to me just the other week 'What's happened to you? You used to be like stone. Now you cry at the drop of a hat'. It's taken me almost 53 years to finally reach the point of being able to feel so deeply. Yes, an ability that definitely feels more like a curse at times.

When you can feel your thoughts, your memories, what runs through your imagination it can be challenging. When you feel other people's overwhelming pain, it can be incredibly hard to separate your own sense of pain from theirs. When you can feel the intention behind other people's words and their intention and judgement is depressing, it can be hard not to feel that. When you can feel the speed at which you process every stressful challenge in your life, all at once, it can become literally breathtaking (and not in a good way). There is just so much in life to be felt. 

To be choked up in relation to overwhelming feelings of heartache definitely has a feel to it. I recall when I first began researching so much on emotion and the ability to feel so many forms. Give each form a name and it tends to relate to a lot of the old sayings: To be 'choked up' over something (with a scream or a cry lodged in our throat fighting to get out), the feeling of 'heartache' or 'heart break' which sits in the chest as a result of a soulful wound of some nature, to feel like you have 'the weight of the world on your shoulders' (the incredible tension in neck and shoulders while living under the pressure of so much stress). The list goes on. While all feelings/symptoms can be explained through science/medicine, those old sayings remain simple and naturally telling in so many ways.

Please don't think badly of yourself for feeling that trigger so deeply, when your friend was speaking to you. It's in no way your fault you could feel it, that which surfaced so painfully in that moment. Your pain is obviously deep. If there is one thing I've learnt over time, it's that emotions are telling and should be respected in many cases and they should be questioned constructively, not destructively. If someone is to question 'Why are you so sensitive?', I've found the best answer to that is 'I feel or sense deeply and easily which is my ability, not my fault'. Btw, I'm still trying to work out how to master such an ability. So much self understanding and skills to be developed when new and valid feelings come to life.

❤️