Shoplifting and impulse control

[swimming_duck]

any suggestions or advice welcome. 

I consider myself a swimming duck.

Cool, calm and collected on the surface with legs struggling under the water where no one can see. I have a good job, a great bunch of friends and supportive partner but underneath I get anxious episodes and have impulse control issues. 

While I don’t have depression I have anxious episodes which can last up to 2 weeks and can drive me to shop lift - I was once caught about 10 years ago and received a documented official warning from police (one of the worst days of my life).

I spent many years free from the urge to shoplift but the Covid lockdowns re-triggered this behavior - 2 years ago. I have managed to keep my binge eating under control which is something I am proud of. 

When in an anxious spiral I am driven to shoplift and then reflect on my shoplifting - which turns into paranoia (or possibly a genuine fear) that the police are building a case against me. I am then driven to often return the items and either put them back or pay for them - seemingly without anyone knowing. Items can range from a drink at coles, to a diary or candle from a shopping centre. 

I spend many nights sleepless thinking about how I have been given so many opportunities and am on the verge of destroying it all with my stealing impulse control. 

while I see a psychologist, appointments are so hard to get and not as frequent as I probably need during an anxious spiral. 

Questions

does anyone know of any podcasts, audiobooks or resources that can specifically support impulse control? 

has anyone else successfully overcome something like this? 

To end the paranoia is this something I should call the police about? Considering I have had a warning in the past this could result in serious consequences. 

[rufina03]

Look this is a stretch… but there might be something you find useful on YouTube in an unrelated condition 

like ADHD or OCD 

So ADHD folk engage in risk taking behavior sometimes for a buzz and dopamine

OCD is compulsions driven by anxiety and people do things to relieve the anxiety 

So if the brain is wanting to compulsively do something destructive and harmful to offset anxiety…

take a step back… it’s about what that compulsive behavior is representing or doing for you. What is it doing for you?

and can it be replaced with an activity and you keep redirecting to that activity every time

Being worried you’re going to get caught and get into trouble isn’t paranoia - that’s rational and an intelligent thought 

it’s supposed to deter you from repeating behavior so if that isn’t enough

take a step back - focus on what you feel or what is happening when you steal…

also… anxiety spirals can be episodic or mood related… like actually be a condition 

or be a way you’re coping with stress (the shoplifting I mean)

so to avoid the stress, and anxiety of shoplifting…. someone needs to help you figure out why you do it and help you with strategies 

Shoplifting could be a maladaptive self soothing or self regulating activity 

so it’s about replacing it with something healthier 

avoid shops when anxious if you need to… until you have a new way of de-stressing

Self-stimulating with risk taking behavior is probably about dopamine and reward.. it’s a thrill

Going for a run… or playing some kind of speed/time based game… and having a bucket of distractions… it might help

self-reporting shop lifting? if it’s related to a condition, it’s more a situation to reach out to a health care provider for support vs police

Police can’t do anything besides charge you for crimes - there’s nothing else they can do. It’s not like casinos who can ban you. They’re limited to what their jobs are. They can refer you on to a health care service.

Always reach out when you have the urges to steal and sometimes that’s all you need.

Recognise the patterns; avoid shops and seek extra peer support and talk about it like you have.

[swimming_duck]

Thank you for your insights, this does make a lot of sense. 

I think I’m in the OCD category - I don’t get a thrill as such, more of a relief/sense of control. 
it could have returned during the Victorian lockdowns as I felt so out of control and the impulse has stuck again. I had a very loving childhood but we moved every 2 years for my dads job - so I think the desire for control may be linked to that feeling of no control. 

I think I’ll avoid stores when I am in a spiral, I have also purchased the calm app and have been doing daily anxiety sessions. 

I just want to be the best version of myself and really dream of a day I am back in control of myself. 

thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!