Social Anxiety - Do I have autism?

[JustAnotherOtaku]

I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I might have autism. Ever since I can remember I’ve come across as being shy, but I definitely hid that throughout high school. I even came to think of myself as almost being outgoing, although straight as the school day was over, I felt incredibly drained. Now that I’m in my second year of Uni (I’m a female btw), a lot of this stuff has come back to bite me. It’s meeting new people all the time, having to have group projects all the time and having to perform in class (I’m a musician). They constantly talk in classes about performance anxiety and the amount of times teachers have outright tried to diagnose me with symptoms of performance anxiety is ridiculous. I don’t really get nervous performing in front of people at all - I’ve done it since I was about 3. It’s the thinking of what comes after. Do I have to go out for a drink afterwards? How do I connect people who have come to seen me perform with each other who have come from different parts of my life.

One of my biggest problems is spacing out. I can’t focus the same as other people. I don’t know where to look at people, sometimes I smile too much and I spend a whole conversation with my face hurting and trying to stop smiling but I don’t know how to make it look natural and not like I’m suddenly against what they’re saying. But yeah, the focus thing. I zone in and out constantly, and it’s almost become a joke in classes.

This only used to happen in really stressful examinations in high school, but when I would make mistakes in front of a panel when performing (something like a simple scale) I would freeze. I couldn’t remember a single thing in my head, and the panel members would be talking to me, but my head would almost be like the static you get between radio stations or on the wrong TV channel. I can’t hear them and it’s a buzzing in my ears and I’m so worked up by everything. It’s started to happen a bit more even in more typical situations (albeit not to such an extent) but it’s still highly frustrating and kind of confronting. Whenever anyone talks to me I almost cry, and I don’t know how to make myself not do that. I’m not sad, but it just happens. Too many people in my life now treat me like I’m fragile (other students - not close) and I don’t really have any close friends anymore because they went to different Unis in other countries (or maybe we were never really that close???)

Can I get a free diagnosis?

[Croix]

Dear JustAnotherOtaku~

I've read your other post at

Forums / Young people / Struggling with Fear of Death

and this one too.

You worry about situations, and people and your reactions. Also that when you are doing something you know you are good at - performing your music - the same worry is not present.

So far you had not mentioned having medical support, and now are, which I think is really the only sensible thing to do.

I would suggest you show both posts to a GP, preferably one that bulk-bills and seek a professional opinion. Guessing, or relying on teachers or Dr Google is simply a misleading waster of time.

If you explain to the GP your financial situation he or she may be able to book you in to a psychologist who does not charge a gap on a Mental Health plan .

One of the easiest (and free) ways of doing this is via Headspace at https://headspace.org.au if you are under 25. If over your uni disability service or student counseling may be able to suggest an alternative.

Once a diagnosis has been made and thus the problem identified the correct treatment can be taken.

Please let us know how you go

Croix

[Alexlisa]

Hello JustAnotherOtaku. Welcome to the forums.

I can hear that you’re suffering at the moment, so it’s good that you’ve reached out here.

We can’t give advice on what diagnosis you may have and as Croix said it sounds like it would be best to visit a psychologist. They’ll be able to talk with you about all of your concerns and help you to develop skills that will help you. One thing I will say though is that Autism is a pervasive condition, which means that it has a wide range of symptoms that affect lots of areas of life, not just social, such as sensory sensitivity or overload. People with autism are not necessarily anxious around people, though many are, but they struggle more with understanding meaning and behaviours in social situations. There is a saying though that “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism” - It’s a condition that can look very different between people, and particularly between males and females.

Your description of what you experience reminds me a lot of my own struggle with social anxiety. I get unbelievably anxious around people, I can’t make eye-contact, constantly thinking do I look normal right now? What do they think of me? Am I too loud, quiet, awkward, spaced out... It’s relentless and I’ve struggled to ever have any friends because of it. I am working with my psychologist now to help with this and it’s VERY slowly getting a tiny bit easier. I’m trying to stay hopeful.

I know for me too that when I get really anxious I too space out and freeze. It’s said that it’s part of our evolutionary development to freeze, flee or fight when we feel in danger. If you’re experiencing other symptoms of high anxiety in pressuring times (like high heart-rate, shallow breathing, shaking, feeling disconnected from reality) then you might be experiencing a panic attack. I’ve had some where I can’t hear properly, and even one where my vision went black. They’re scary and I can understand if you don’t know what’s going on it could feel completely confusing.

I definitely think it’s best that you talk to someone about all of this. You deserve to be supported and have your concerns heard. No matter what the answer is, like Croix said, it’s important to get the right diagnosis so that you can get the right type of help. Good luck and take care.

Alexlisa