Social anxiety and awkwardness in the workplace

[gingerblue]

Hi forum, this is my first time posting!

I'm a 40 years old male, new-ish immigrant to Australia, happily married and a father to two gorgeous young kids.

My entire life I experienced difficulties in initiating connections with people, like socializing is more difficult to me than to others. I have many friends, and with them I'm "in my element", but I find it impossible to reach out to new people and initiate contact. Recently I started thinking that I may be on the highly functioning side of the spectrum.

A few years ago I made an adventurous career change and placed myself in a senior role, which unfortunately resulted in 5 years of struggles, unhappiness and a shuttered self confidence (across 3 different jobs, and 2 countries). I started suffering from anxiety and stress. I only barely managed to bounce back, but finally pivoted again and landed in a job I like in a great company.

However, years of struggling socially, an ongoing anxiety and a shattered self esteem led me to become very quite in the work place - I'm barely socializing, I'm avoiding meaningful conversations and people altogether, I get stressed by social interactions and generally feel like I'm spiraling down into my own cave. Whenever I do talk to people I feel like I'm boring them, because for some reason I can't just loosen up and have a laugh. I'm always talking about deep and meaningful stuff, or just blabbing away - I bore myself! But this is what comes out of me and it really bums me. I am a funny, creative person with my close friends, but it doesn't at all come out in conversations in the work place.

This is taking a major toll on my career prospects and on my self esteem. For now I'm cruising, taking comfort in the fact I enjoy my work and in my great family and friends but I wish to tackle these issues head-on and not give in to them.

I am a very social person - I thrive on social interactions, but don't know how to reach out to people. I'm surrounded by lovely vibrant people at work, but instead of riding the wave and joining the great athmesphere - I'm observing quietly and not able to get involved. I'm included less and less in stuff - probably because people around me assume I'm not interested in social interactions. But I am!

I would love to hear some suggestions, or how you dealt with similar challenges.

Thanks!

[Quercus]

Hi Gingerblue and welcome,

It feels odd to reply seeing as I'm not social and find social events incredibly draining but something you wrote stuck out to me...

You said you had experienced anxiety before but didn't mention what you did to address it apart from changing careers and moving. I was wondering if you had ever sought out any medical opinion?

It might sound unrelated but after a period of major depression I moved, overhauled my life and for a while felt ok. But the depression returned and eventually I sought help.

My point is you aren't in the stressful environment anymore but that doesn't mean you aren't still affected.

Have you checked out the anxiety section of the forums at all? There is a great long thread where people have shared their tips for managing anxiety. This might be a good place to find ideas that help you.

Kindest,

Nat