Sensitive in social situations. Anxiety and avoidance

[Nicole99]

I get so ridiculous sensitive in social settings ! I am waiting to see doctor to speak about this as it has reached a point where it's making me depressed. I'm always worrying what people think of me if they like me and worried how I'm coming across . I worry I'm boring and that people feel stuck talking to me and then stress that I don't fit in or seem to make real connections - I end up comparing my life to everyone around me and become depressed. It's happened a few times now that during a night out with friends I will just make an excuse to leave suddenly as soon as I feel slightly uneasy , left out or not fitting in. Is this social phobia? I really want a life filled with friendships and socialising but my fears are overtaking any opportunity I have - it's disabling ! What is this???

[Chloe2]

I'm interested to see what people have to say about this. I suffer from anxiety, but being in social settings makes me 100 times worse so I understand how you feel.

I hope you get the help your after, I didn't and now I have lost all my friends.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Nicole,

Anxiety over being in social settings – oh wow, this is such a common complaint and you are definitely not on your own.

I too have had friends depart over the years, but what can you do? Well, get to a doc is a start – posting on here is your first start and well done on coming here and doing that. Recognising the symptoms and being able to seek out professional help is usually the best place to start. Stemming from this, if you find the right counselling (which I hope your GP would be able to put you in touch with), there should be some coping mechanisms that should be offered to you to help you out in such situations.

If possible, when in such settings, are there one or two people who you might feel comfortable with – just so you’ve got someone close who could be a buffer for you in this kind of situation. Someone who you could let know either prior, or when you’re there to let them know just how uncomfortable you’re feeling.

For me, I get very worked up in the lead up to such occasions, but if I can either go with someone and stick close to them, or find someone at the place, who you feel ok being with them, then this can be a big help for you as well.

My big problem would then come if my ‘buffer’ heads off to somewhere and then I’m by myself. At which time, I’ll either adjourn myself to another place – away from people – outside if possible for a little while; or depending on how long it’s been, I’ll either excuse myself or simply up and leave. Not the most polite way, I know, but in the long run, it’s far better doing that than having to stress, be all nervy and yeah, you probably get where I’m coming from.

I don’t know if this has helped at all, but even in a small way, I’d be very pleased.

Would love to hear back from yourself (or Chloe).

Neil

[ReeBecca]

Hi Nicole99 and everyone else, I am really surprised how many posts I have come across about social anxiety. Its not that I thought I was the only one but i didn't realise that so many people do suffer from it.

You sound a lot like me. I have always struggled to fit in...in all situations. I have particular issue with being one on one with people and find it so uncomfortable that I freeze up and can't think of anything to say. I also have a really hard time going to dinners or gatherings..I can't mingle and get very anxious entering and exiting a situation. sometimes I even hang around right till the end because I am so anxious about having to say goodbye to people.

I would say definitely see your dr and it could help going to see a psychologist. Everyone is different though. I think to fix it you really have to step outside your comfort zone hundreds of times until it just becomes normal to you...I have never been able to do this...I have been to psychologists and read many books but I still cannot over come this. It is quite a lonely life too because I have know real friends. I have my husband who is amazing but he does a lot with his friends which is great but I am very lonely as I have no friends to hang out with of my own.

I think social anxiety is not about being reserved either..I think it is desperately wanting to be social and have friends and fit in but never quite being able to...and then the depression comes because you just wish you could join in on the fu with other people. Theres always this thing that wont let you get the real you out for fear of sounding stupid or looking dumb.

[pipsy]

Hi Nicole99. Welcome to the forums. 90% of people who meet for the first time suffer this very problem. What do I say, how do I act. It's exactly the same for everyone. ReeBeca's so right re: stepping out of your comfort zone. How do you accomplish this. No-one has the same answer for everyone. It's not just a case of 'one size suits all'. Next time you're out of your comfort zone, take some time to study those around you, body language, what do they do with their hands. Are they looking directly at whoever's talking to them or are they 'scanning' other people. Do they appear to be seeking a quick exit. It's quite amusing to study other people and you can do it quite easily. Often when someone 'boring' is talking to someone else, the person they're talking to is politely saying 'yes', 'no' appropriately, ask them half an hour later about the conversation, they haven't a clue what was said. As I said, we all have our comfort zones, take us out of them, we're like 'fish out of water'.

Lynda

[ReeBecca]

Just out of curiosity...does anyone know what the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist is? I know psychologists will generally treat patients using cognitive behavioural therapy but how does a psychiatrist treat someone and is it likely to be more effective?

I have been considering hypnotism lately as a I have read good things. But I also know it is quite expensive and people think its all just rubbish. Has anyone had an experience with hypnotism?

[pipsy]

Hi ReeBeca. I once went to a hypnotist, they depend on your ability to respond to suggestions while in a trance. If they're successful in inducing a trancelike state, they work on the assumption that your mind is more receptive to suggestion. If, you are uncomfortable with the suggestion, while in the trance, you won't respond. They usually record each session to playback in their 'off work' times, so they can keep the suggestion 'alive' to them. The hypnotist in my case was unsuccessful because I wasn't receptive to being placed in a trance. Not a fault of the hypnotist, just one of those things where my brain refused to 'switch' off. My understanding of psychologists is, they will give you strategies to help you cope with different problems. Psychiatrists often will repeat conversations over and over and they prescribe AD's which I don't think psychologists do. Not sure about prices re: hypnotists/psychiatrists/psychologists. You would have to ring each one to compare prices. With hypnotists, you won't need a Dr's referral, psychs you do.

Lynda

[ReeBecca]

Thanks Lynda. That's a shame hypnotism didnt work for you. I guess it is always worth a try if all else fails. It would be nice to think it could help.

Ah ok yeah I just never really understood the difference.