Sense of Impending Doom

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone.

I have been really struggling today, and I thought writing here might help.

What I am about to describe may sound weird, but it is a true feeling for me. I wondered if anyone else reading has experience of it?

Every now and then, I get this terrible sense of impending doom.

Like, everything, everything, is about to go horribly wrong.

I have realised that I have been having these feelings semi-frequently for the last few years.

A few years ago I experienced an intense trauma in my life, and I'm wondering now if there are triggers, like little, tiny things, that possibly happened before the trauma, that I am not necessarily conscious of, that again happen now, in my life, and set me off on this spiral of doom.

This morning, the feeling of impending doom had me thinking that the police were likely to turn up at my door and take me to prison.

My life is good.

I am safe.

In my house.

Consistently not committing crimes.

And yet ... occasionally this feeling that the world is conspiring against me and everything good is about to implode just takes over.

I understand that it's irrational, but there's something that sends me in a spiral, and anything simple can bring me back up that spiral as well, like a text from a friend, or something tiny like that. It brings me back to safety.

I just wanted to put this out there in case anyone else feels this way. I want you to know that you're not alone, and I thought I might feel some relief voicing this in a safe space.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just kind of wanted a place to talk about it, not just for me but for anyone who experiences this.

I feel so vulnerable.

I mentioned something similar to my dad once and he said it's because I have a guilty conscience.

🌻birdy

[DominiqueM]

Oh I totally understand & you have my support. Sometimes just knowing there are other people with the same thing can be a relief.

I had the first one after a successful week of gigs in Tamworth, it was the night before we were leaving and I couldn’t let myself fall asleep because I was absolutely convinced I would die. I knew intellectually that I wouldn’t but my emotions overwhelmed my intellect. I didn’t sleep for 2 days, by then I had calmed down but I had no idea what had happened. I’d had panic attacks before but this was something else. it was a while before another then a little shorter time until I’ve had 4 in the last couple of weeks.

With my therapist, gp & shrink, yes I’ve got them all, I’m managing using some medication (I have other mental health issues so we’ve got be careful not to make them worse) I do breathing exercises, I thought it was ridiculous but I was wrong it really does help & I do guided 10 minute meditation on YouTube again I thought it couldn’t work but it really helps me. It takes the focus away. A couple of times I’ve done 3-4 in a row to stop me crawling the walls.

So far so good. Maybe some of these could help. I really hope you find the answer.

[Birdy77]

Hello Everyone,

Just a short post to say thank you for all your support.

Dominique, welcome to the forums, it is so good you've come here and thank you for posting. I am so glad you've got your strategies that help you and support you. I agree, things that you initially think "pfft, that's not going to work!" sometimes turn out to be the best at bringing us back to ourselves and back to a calm equilibrium. I hope you are able to bring yourself back after your 4 attacks lately. There is a great thread here about Grounding Yourself in the Staying Well section, lots of diverse strategies, you might be interested in browsing through. You are welcome here any time.

John and Moon, thank you both also for your thoughts. I totally understand what you both are saying and I agree. I have a problem whereby when I'm feeling depressed, i withdraw - i avoid people, retreat into myself ... so then when i come around to an anxious cycle, or i feel the build up towards this old friend of mine, Impending Doom, I find myself at a bit of a loss, because here I am, having retreated into solitude and it makes it hard because my connections are out of reach.

Well that's what I (or my inner demons) tell me, but it's not really true, because they're just a phone call away or whatever ... but it's a bit of a vicious cycle. Does that make sense?

Thank you so, so much Grandy, Deebs and Pepper for your loving support, I will reply to you soon, your support and care is so very deeply appreciated. Love ❤

🌻birdy

[Croix]

Dear 🌻Birdy~

Well it may be a familiar cycle, but withdrawing is is only in you, we are still here. Whether we talk or not we are here, and here we stay, reachable with a few keystrokes.

Croix

[CMF]

Dear Birdy

I've been reading bits and pieces of your thread and keep having moments of 'omg, yes, i get it". I understand exactly what it's like.

I hear you and understand my friend.

Cmf x

[John_P]

Hello Birdy.

disconnecting from people is probably the most common result of depression and anxiety! think about it- when you are depressed and anxious- you are vulnerable- We know people can hurt us- so we protect ourselves, but people can also enrich our lives....BUT, the RIGHT people we trust can enrich our lives.

I believe it all goes back to our primal instinct of evolution over thousands of years....If we were in danger in the wild, we would hide and hibernate in our caves, being very cautious of any dangers out in the wild-bears-animals etc.....-feeling anxious.....But when there are no predators or anything that can hurt us around, we can express ourselves and be more vulnerable without consequences of being hurt. Some people in the tribe would be better at identifying risks to the tribe (people with better instincts of what can go wrong-people more better at identifying threats) In today's society, these people possibly are succeptable to depression and anxiety more.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear 🌻Birdy and everyone..

Theres no need to reply to me sweety..please concerntrate on getting our beautiful, caring, loving, sweety Tweety Birdy as well as you can...please.That means more to me then a reply🌻💜..

Birdy..it’s okay if you feel the need to retreat..im thinking and wanted to say to please if you need to talk..remember your beautiful friends here who want to help you as much as we can...we are here to listen and talk to you as much as you need sweety....

As our warm and caring Mr Sir Croix has mentioned..we are not far away at all...just a few keyboard 🎹....oops not one....I meant the typing one...and a couple of push buttons away...

Please be very gentle and kind to yourself lovely lady...Take some time out of your day to pamper yourself a little...it really does help dear sweet lady....Wish they were real hugs that you could really feel that I’m sending you..🤗🤗🤗..They are coming from my heart, just close your eyes and think of all your beautiful friends here and imagine a great big giant group hug from us all.....🤗🤗..

Sending you my love and many hugs 💜🤗...dear 🌻Birdy..

Grandy..👼..

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend/beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Take all the time you need. There’s no need to respond to this post. I am just sending you my love and telling you that I care. It’s as simple as that. Whenever you’re ready or want to, many caring ears are here 😉

Much love,

Pepper xoxox

[demonblaster]

Hey tweety 🤗and other lovelies ☺

Same no need for reply just sending my love and care too 💗

Hope you're doing ok lovely 🤗

[startingnew]

Thinking of you Birdy 💐💚

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone,

I have lots that I want to say to you each, but i feel all muddled up.

Firstly, Sir Croix, you made me have a huge smile with your 🌻 that you gave me! Woah Nelly. Thank you.

John, I really appreciated your interesting comments and thoughts about retreating into ourselves. I can see a lot of sense in what you wrote.

Thank you Grandy, CMF, SN , precious Pepper and the Deebsta for your love and support, I am sorry my reply for now is crap.

I just feel like a bad person at the moment. I am pushing friends away, or not bothering to call them back. I just want to go into my cocoon and be left alone with my sadness at the moment.

If someone else said this to me, I would say "it is ok for you to feel this way" ... but what if something happens to these people? What if they need me? I am being selfish, but I can't seem to break it. I am happy texting people, and I send emails to keep everything going, but I am retreating from talking and seeing people face to face. I just dont want to (toddler behaviour, noted).

I also have this big fear looming about parents and other estranged family members dying. I don't know how to handle it when it happens. Mrs b tells me we will cross that bridge when we come to it, and that's the only thing we can do, but I'm gripped with fear.

Please don't feel like you need to reply to this post, I just needed to write something down, I feel like rubbish.

Thank you for being here for me and for listening.

🌻birdy