Self sabotage

[Nooche]

Hi I’m really struggling to keep myself together, i have been married for 12 years and I’m scared we are not right for each other, every time there’s a social outing I straight away say I’m not going it’s my first reaction I don’t even know why I do it , I feel anxious inside and can’t stop thinking about it i feel a huge relief when it’s over, this is what happens before hand my head spins and I can’t have a proper conversation I jump to conclusions in my head I start to self sabotage the relationship in my head by predicting what will happen which then In turn is destroying my marriage I question myself and I don’t feel I’m who I want to be and need to get out to stop the thoughts , I get depressed from it all and I see the look on her face is what is wrong with you and I don’t know what to say or do.

[Mr__Anxiety]

Hey Nooche,

I understand how you feel, ive been with my partner for 11 years, she doesn't seem to understand at times and says i never want to go out, I've put it down to social anxiety and my lack of enthusiasm which i reckon is associated with it.

I feel the same way once its down, get to jump in the car and go home and it feels like a big relief.

I recommend seeing a GP and possibly getting a mental health plan set out for you.

It may help identify what is wrong and help you pinpoint what needs to change.

I still very much suffer from the same thing but my anxiety and depression stops me in my tracks everytime.

But hopefully you can get through it better than me.

Sabotaging your marriage wont help, you'll feel worse afterwards, I think you should reach out to your partner and let them know how you feel

I would also highly recommend a physiologist, I feel like so much has been lifted off my sholders everytime i go.

Keep strong champ.

[PamelaR]

Hi Nooche and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

I can relate to how you feel completely. Getting invitations to outings, is stressful. It takes a lot to say yes, I'll (we'll) be there.

When I get to a social outing, I frequently find I retreat and find a very quite space for myself. Talking with other is okay for short periods of time.

Mr Anxiety has given you some great ideas. No much more I can add to these, maybe have a look through the Anxiety forum. Also, there is a good thread pinned at the top of that forum - Tips for managing anxiety.

There are a lot of members who experience anxiety. Join in the discussions about how they have learnt to cope with their anxiety. Share what works for you?

I'm not a health professional, but you might find that sense of not being with the right person has more to do with your own social anxiety then about your feelings for her. Though as Mr Anxiety suggests, please do go and see a health professional.

Keep reaching out here if and when you want. You're not alone at all Nooche.

Kind regards

PamelaR