Recent separation and severe anxiety attacks

[Anon64]

Hi all,

ive seperate from my husband of many years a few months back and we recently had a moment where he verbally abused me on the phone. I have always been quite fearful of him and his reactions and it was only pointed out recently that I was experiencing domestic abuse. This in itself was quite confronting as I spent all my years with him absorbing his anger and accepting his behaviour out of fear. To make things a bit complicated we have two boys under 10 and we need to keep in contact to juggle them around our working hours. I’m learning to heal and understand I’m not in control of how he reacts but I’m asking if anyone else has been in this situation and is there any tips with dealing with the anxiety attacks that come on from the fear of facing/talking to him?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Yes there are ideas.

Firstly, commit yourself to only communication about your children, no social discussions.

Tell him you are only communicating by text or email, no direct talking. In both cases you have the written word for evidence for any future action.

Be tactful, fair but firm. In fact your replies should have the hidden intent of promoting that you are your own person with a new life connected only by your kids welfare.

By all means attend parent and teacher nights together...arrive and leave separately.

Promote communication but not by speech.

Such communication is warranted and if police were involved or the family court over an incident you would be justified as you are not stopping communication but selecting a certain type of it based on fear.

Your long term goal could be a happy brief meeting to discuss your kids face to face, but not until his life has settled and he gets over the separation

I hope that helps.

TonyWK