Fear of losing things

[Anxious01]

So I don’t really know where to start but that I think my anxiety stems around the theme of a fear of losing things.

I will suddenly think of something I haven’t seen in a while and will get so anxious and worked up if I can’t find it. I will go through good times (say 6 months plus) with no anxiety before it creeps back in. This time of the year is notoriously bad for me as I have time off work and my partner works away so I sit at home just me and my thoughts. I try and get out and stay busy but this time anxiety has still creeped in.

This time my anxiety is over the fact that I said to my partner 3 years ago in a heated arguement “I hope you die”. It makes me sick even writing that out I regret it so much but I haven’t thought about it for ages but now I am all anxious over it - racing heart, can’t sleep, shaking, palpitations, fears, obsessive thinking etc. I don’t know why I am like this... I just fear that I will lose him and I will be wracked with guilt over this one silly comment I made that was said out of anger and frustration. There is no way in any kind of reality I meant it.

I honestly just hate myself in times like this.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Anxious01,

I feel anxiety can be so debilitating. I feel it takes a lot out of a person both emotionally and physically, as you have been experiencing.

Your fear of loss sounds very intense, draining and distressing. As you said, this time of year can be a particularly vulnerable period for you. I think you seem to have a lot of self insight though...

I feel your deep fear of loss over the comment made 3 years ago. It must be so scary to experience all those feelings. I wonder if it would help to try to reason with (so to speak) or challenge your anxiety.

For example, you could reason with yourself that the fact that your partner did not leave you in the last 3 years suggests it’s unlikely to happen now. You could also reason that, assuming this is the case, if he hasn’t brought it up in the last 3 years, there’s a good chance that he has long moved on from that comment. Etc, etc.

I suppose what I’m getting at is trying to lessen the power of your anxiety by challenging it...I don’t know if this is helpful to you or not, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to gently suggest it 🙂

My other gentle suggestion is perhaps directly raising the issue with your partner. Maybe if you discuss it openly, it will help lessen the anxiety?

Good on you for opening up here. I feel that’s very brave. There’s no pressure or rush of course, but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be lovely to hear from you again.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Anxious01]

Thank you for the reply.

i have brought it up before and spoke about it as it has given me anxiety before. He didn’t even remember the comment or even the arguement for that matter and he said he knows I love him and we all say things out of anger that we don’t mean.

I do try and tell myself I am a good person and I didn’t mean what I said etc but all I can think at the minute is how crap I would feel if something happened to him. I will keep trying to challenge my anxiety and cope with this attack.

thank you again.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Anxious01,

It’s lovely to hear from you again. Thank you so much for writing back.

I’m glad you’ve tried to clear the air, so to speak, with him. It does sound like your words haven’t had a lasting impact on him, and he sounds very understanding and empathetic. He sounds like he really loves you, just as you love him.

I think you have a wonderful attitude about trying to gently challenge your thoughts. I do wonder if you’re currently seeking any professional help (e.g. GP, psychologist, etc), because that might be helpful...

Otherwise, there’s a BeyondBlue thread that you might find useful as it is full of suggestions to manage anxiety. It’s called self help tips for managing anxiety.

It’s a very long thread, so you might just like to skim read (only if you’re interested). If you’re interested, the easier way to find is probably just to type the name of the thread in the BeyondBlue search bar 🙂

Kind thoughts to you today,

Pepper