Really want to start dating

sera · ‎11-10-2017

Hello BB people,

I'm a 40 yr old guy who has been diagnosed with social phobia, mood disorder and depression. I see a psychiatrist who is mostly helpful and take medication which also helps.

I find that I'm lonely and want to start dating regularly so I can build up confidence, experience and feel better about my value as a partner.

I have had one relationship for 4 years, but it finished badly - my fault - and only came about through a friend setting us up.

I've never asked a girl to go out and girls who I like usually already have boyfriends and are too young for me, i.e. more than 10 years. I feel inexperienced as many people my age are married or divorced, have a career and kids.

I wish I could go back and be more adventurous in my 20s and ask girls out, but of course, I can't. I've done CBT, but need to take solid action outside therapy, that's my issue.

If I had a group of friends - only 1 person I see apart from parents who consider a friend - there would be many opportunities to socialise, meet girls, socially lubricate.

I do feel desperate at times because I don't do anything about it and it will not change if I don't. I tried internet dating, sent lot of messages, but didn't hear back or have dates.

Thanks for listening.

Sera (guy, even though may sound like girl)

white knight · ‎11-10-2017

Hi, welcome

Persist with internet dating

My daughter just married her internet date.

The beauty of ID is you narrow down your needs. You end up with someone more compatible.

You are a good catch...thats what you should believe.

TonyWK

Guest_1584 · ‎11-10-2017

Hey sera. you might be able to change that btw if you want , dunno.

But yeah , well , frist thing comes to mind is look what you've avoided because sadly most people out there 40d 50s are going through divorce and the horrific after marth that it can be. So at least you missed out on that .

But look , tbh , l don't really think it's all about having friends although handy to have someone you can go out with if you can do pubs or something public , even hobbies or hiking , anywhere where there's people . But friends as such , not that many people get with friends of friends anyway.My sisters about the most sociable person you ever met but she's 50 and been single for years.

l mean not saying it might not help , for sure , but just don't be down on yourself or five up just because you don't know many people because there's lots of ways to skin a cat haha.

Can you front u at a bar on your own or clubs . Are there any hobbies you'd like to get into that involve people you can meet and mix with.

You could also join up on one of the date sites ,they can ve pretty disheartening but you can also meet a lot of people on thise or maybe that special one , it does happen.

l know you have issues but you'd also be amazed at what just plucking up the courage and biting that bullet can do too. facing the music.

Anyway good luck and try not to worry , your absolute prime age for a lot of women out there so give yourself a few nudges to get out there a bit eh. You'll surprise yourself l bet.

Croix · ‎11-10-2017

Dear Sera~

I'd like to join Tony WK in welcoming you. I found someone when I was older than you and we have now been together for many years.

I too would say persevere with internet dating. You may find some sites are for different ages or interests, so maybe have a look around.

I would suggest if you do intend to take up internet dating seriously you first do a little research about the pitfalls and traps that can happen. Basically it is common sense, but like any new venture preparation is good.

The one thing I do know from my own experience looking for a mate is that there are many people in the world who wish to find a partner, and of those many could be the one. It is a matter of getting in touch.

If you are not that confident or easy talking to a lady to start with do as I did and converse in writing until you are both comfortable with the idea of being face to face. By the you will know a bit about each other and have things to talk about.

I believe everyone has had an interesting life, and most have lot to offer in a relationship. It is not so much looks as character, kindness, understanding, strength.You already know thous or you would not have talked about your potential value as a partner.

I would expect you will be fine

Croix

blondguy · ‎12-10-2017

Hello Sera

TonyWK and Croix are kind and gentle people and their advice is spot on re internet dating. I have a close friend that has just married a wonderful lady that he met on a dating site. I have met her and she really is wonderful

Croix wisely mentioned doing the homework first so you can enjoy the experience. Internet dating will only grow and become better.

I wish you all my best Sera.....I wish I was 40 again!! I am 57 and envious 🙂

you are not alone here.....if you have the time let us know how you are going...

Paul

Guest_1584 · ‎12-10-2017

That's actually great to hear that from you guys and tbh, l only had a quick dabble online after my divorce so no expert on that stuff.l did meet 3 lovely ladies though in that time and a few not so lovely.

But funnyly enough soon after l met my gf in the divorce forum l was in.

Jessicatherese94 · ‎13-10-2017

Hi Sera, I definitely agree with what everyone says. Internet dating seems to be the way people meet each other these days. If the girls you like are usually a lot younger than you and have boyfriends, why don't you widen your search to people around your own age? I don't think you should be limiting yourself to a certain age range, because people are so different and unique at all times of their lives. What's your social life like at work? I'm still 22 and at university so I don't know much about the working world, but a lot of my friends with full time jobs do after work drinks and that seems to be a way to meet stacks of new people. You could even try meetup.com and see if there were any meetings happening in your city. Attend book clubs, explore your interests, exercise - do any social activity you can think of. Even if you don't meet new people, still getting out there can be rewarding. Wishing you the best.

sera · ‎14-10-2017

Hi WK,

Thanks for your post. IME, I've found that I didn't get many replies from ID and that it became costly as I was sending messages and not receiving replies. I think I'd have a better chance meeting girls in 'real world' as it is hard to show your positives online when people are mainly looking at the attractiveness of the person - I admit that I do the same as it is hard to get to know someone from a profile. I found that I wasn't even getting to a point where we could exchange emails or chat, so I didn't persist.

Jessicatherese94, some great ideas, I find that most often girls have boyfriends, i'm not sure if it 'easier' for girls to get a partner as men traditionally do the pursuing.

I'm finding life really difficult at the mo, with a new job and having missed lots of days because of anxiety.

I appreciate your replies.

Guest_128 · ‎14-10-2017

Hey Sera,

I just read through all your thread,

You sound like a fried robot,

Where is your soul man????

whats ya job????

what are your hobbies????

Other than women,what gets you going?????

Get outside and away from technology.

buy a puppy great chic magnet.

Go to a coffee shop everyday and read the paper.

When you stop looking so hard,it will just happen.

Can't wait to hear what your soul is about.🤗

Dory

Guest_1584 · ‎15-10-2017

Ahh dory , your a pissa. That's great advice though eh ,think l better stop brooding and try some of it myself yeah.

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