Circa 1987 and a sharp chest pain led to a GP visit- diagnosis, heart attack (31yo). 3 months later a full test revealed it was a panic attack. Such is the severity of the chest pain.
I eliminated anxiety. It took me 25 years. (search - anxiety, how I eliminated it). However last weekend although I didn't have chest pains I had my first panic attack in many years.
I flew from Melb to Perth to support a school friend I've known for 52 years. He has terminal pancreatic cancer. He is in his 3rd year since diagnosis. A nervous flyer didn't help nor did being out of my comfort zone staying in someones home. On the 2nd day our chatting turned to his feelings for a lady he was intimately involved with. My friend is very rich and his voice got louder as he explained that he "wont let any woman take his millions". Several times I asked him calmly to simmer down and why is he taking it out on me. He did not relent, I walked out.
I'd like to tell you of the 60 seconds before I walked out. I went quiet, looked down (not at him), I was in a corner, I had a feeling in my head like hot water being poured over it...I was totally uncomfortable. Anywhere to go but not stay there.
I left, walked 10km then flagged a taxi to the airport. I had a return ticket for two days later and couldn't make it earlier (long weekend) so resigned to the fact that I would sleep under bushes for two nights. Our car broke and my savings for this trip was soaked up till next pension day. I cared not. After some breathing and muscle exercises I fell asleep under the stars at the airport.
5am my mate rang. Reluctantly I answered, we worked out some differences, many apologies from him and I spent my time with him again.
With some its "flight or fight"...with me its "flight and flight"...I run from situations when panic sets in. Been the same for 62 years. My sister has the same reaction. I now accept that this is me. There is little that can be done except time out. Time alone gives you fume release. In this case it gave my friend reflection time. He is also dying so his anger is at times uncontrollable. It also told me that keeping some relationships at arms length is an art in itself.
The most important thing is not to do anything in excess. Massive spending, irresponsible driving and/or drinking etc Those things compound the situation.
Care for yourself. In my case sleeping under the stars didn't hurt anyone. Allow time to heal the anxiety. Reflect, relax.
It's all ok.
TonyWK
