panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi Karen,

i am so numb at the moment and lost for words.

if you are reading this I just want to let u know I am thinking of you and hope things get better for u. I wish u all the best.

take care big sister 

sparkles 

[jacques]

Hi Sisters,

I am really struggling tonight. I am in a real downer. The depression has set in and i want to be back safe in my home. My family is nice and the place is nice but i just feel so anxious. I am sorry girls, i know you both are struggling too.

i suppose it is just this time of year, extra stress and stuff.

i hope the shaking and the tight chest goes away soon. I am so scared all of the time.

Sorry girls i will write when i feel a bit better as i don't want to bring you guys down with me.

please hang in their girls.

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi J

how are u?

i have been having panic attacks all day, I don't know how anyone can handle it one a week is more then enough for me. I went frozen for A few seconds when someone looked at me when shopping today that is the first time that ever happened to me. The email did not help the panic attacks I just went numb after that, the nausea is getting worse I can't even eat now... I am just hoping I get sleep tonight as it is hard to sleep when I am in a panic and my GP does not want me to take the PRN unless it is an emergency.

So I am waiting for the count down yes in hours, I think Santa will come to u first as we are The 3rd last state that Santa visits in Australia so u won't miss out when I tackle Santa it is ok u are safe. 

Anyway stay safe and have a good Christmas don't eat too much

sparkles  

[jacques]

Hi Girls,

Sparkles i am ok, i have been struggling all day with shaking and a racing heart, it is so hard to look ike i am happy in front of family, it is so tiring to pretend to be someone i am not, but i am holding in their, please do the same.

i hope that the anxiety has eased off a bit, i know how frustrating it can be, the freezing thing happens to me all of the time, and yes i get the nausia too, it is interesting with me, i binge eat before an anxiety triggering event, then when i am in that event i can't eat at all, it is really strange.

anyway as i said, i hope you have got some reliefe and if not i hope tomorrow is a better day, well the BIG DAY, only 4 more hours, oh thank you, i am glad i get my presents before santa gets tackled, i just hope he is able to get to the other houses around the world, so please after you get all your presents let him out the window....lol

well take care i am thinking of you, please let me know if you are struggling with the anxiety, i am happy to listen, it might be good to vent here, remember i am going through what you are going through.

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

My heart is broken, i was devistated with the news i will not be able to speak to you anymore, i will miss you, my friend.

i have been thinking of you all day, i hope you are able to get some help at some point, i will really miss our chats, i will really miss you, please take care my friend.

in two small weeks i thought i was removed and now you are gone, i don't know what i will do now, you two girls are my only friends, and you Karen were the only one who understood what i am going through, you will be in my heart and thoughts forever, i will miss you.

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Hi J,

i was not happy with the news about karen either, I just hope she knows we have been thinking about her, I am so proud of you going to the mall and driving wow you are so brave, I don't think I can tackle Santa after all  this year I have been too sick too even get out of bed today, I have a bit of a fever and tummy bug, I just hope I be better for the christmas feast tomorrow. 

So when will u be heading home? I bet u are looking forward to going home. Just want to let u know how proud I am of u of facing this challenge and going on a holiday you have done so well.

anyway brother

I hope you have a merry christmas

all the best

sparkles  

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

I was in a pretty bad way last night with the driving and the mall, it i wasunable to shift the anxiety and i just had to wait until i was exhausted to sleep, but i did have the best sleep last night, so maybe the busy day yesterday did me good.

oh no, i hope you are feeling better today, i hope it was inly one of those 24 hour bugs, what a time to ge sick, you may be a bit run down with the work experiance and the house move, anyway rest up and i will tackle him for you, oh look here he is... anyway merry christmas and a happy new year, i hope next year forfills all of your wishes and dreams.

i don't know when i am heading home, because mums car is too old, my uncle cam to pick us up, so it is really up to him when he takes us home, i am so looking forward to getting home, it is nice here, but just too overwhelming, it has been 8 ears since i have left my house, and i am handling it better than i thought, but i am in a constant state of panic here, i just can't stop the shaking and the heart racing, it takes it's toll after a while. thank you for thinking of me, i am very humbled, but this will probably be the last time i will ever be on hollidays, mum has promised me i will not have to leave the house again after this, i think that i what is keepin me going.

take care Sparkles, get well soon.

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

 i know you are out their somewere and i am thinking of you on this day, i know how hard things are between you and your parents, so from me to you, merry christmas, and i know the new year will be good to us both, i am missing you so much, the support and understanding, it is just so hard not haveing you to talk to.

but if you are out their somewere, i am sure you are reading this post, i will always keep you informed of how i am going and what is happening in my life.

please keep fighting, if i can fight you can too, i hope that at some point in your life, someone will be able to reach out their hand for support and tell you that everything will be ok, i just wish that person would be able to be me.

please stay strong i know if you are out their somewere you will stay srong for me.

Thinking of you

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks for catching Santa for me Jacques,

i am feeling much better today it must of been a 24hour bug. 

So how was your christmas? My day was ok I enjoyed having family over but I never realised how much of an introvert I become living alone for the last 2 years, it is so good to unwind alone right now. 

I think you are doing really well J, and achieved so much in the last 2 weeks, which is amazing I am still waiting for your highlight for the last week....

my highlight for the day is my 3 year old niece came up to me and said I called Santa to bring you another present.....

anyway have a good sleep and take care 

sparkles 

,

[jacques]

Hi Sparkles,

oh that is great Sparkles, it might have been all of the stress over the past few weeks catching up, you might have been a bit run down. anyway it is good that you are better.

well i had a massive panic attack last night, my ribs are still sore from the hyperventalating.

i have had the same problem, i just like my own space, i can't seem to handle all of the noise from people, i am so used to it being quiet, it is very frightening to have so much noise.

but at least you have some time to unwind after the big day.

i am really struggling, and i am a bit overwhelmed with everything, when i get home i don't think i ill leave it for a month, just to calm myself back down.

ok my highlight last week, well i think it would have to be leaving my house, i really didn't think i would be able to do it, but here i am, so just making it out of the house was a highlight for me:)

isn't that sweet, she sounds like a great kid.

i seem to sleep well, but i seem to wake up really early, i usually wake up in a panic, so that is really unpleasent, it will be nice not to have a panic attack for a while when i get home.

anyway it is boxing day, so i hope the day is kind to you, take care my little sister, and have a good rest, you have new years comming up.

Jacques