Overwhelmed.

[Mel...]

Hi Community,

So I start a new job tomorrow. I have been basically unemployed since December, all I have wanted is a proper job in my field and I finally have it but I am so terrified of jeopardising it with my anxiety that I don't want to show up tomorrow.

My anxiety has been high for a few weeks now. I have seen my doctor and psychiatrist who decided it would be a good idea to increase my med dosage - It's been 11 days on the higher dose and I don't feel any better. There were a few days of improvement but I am basically back where I started.

I am exhausted and so over feeling like this. I fear that I will be too tired tomorrow to perform my new job properly or I will have a panic attack at work and have to leave. I am trying to decide whether it is best to email them today and let them know about my anxiety disorder.

On top of that - my close friends mum passed away last week. It sounds a bit far fetched but she was an important role model in my life and I think I am more shaken by the grief than what I expected to be. Tomorrow night after my first day at work we are having a memorial, I am so anxious about going to work the next day I almost don't want to attend the memorial even though it's the support group I know I need to be with. Is it worth telling my new work about the grief?

I am so anxious about having to put on a brave face and leaving the house each day even though I would prefer to be with people than being home alone - that's when the intrusive thoughts occur.

Any help would be much appreciated.

[IsaJett]

Hi mel

Welcome to this forum and Im glad you are here.

I reckon you should just do it...everything that you think you can't do and can't face ...just throw yourself into it.

You will thank yourself later and be glad you did it. I am like the biggest procrastinator too...I talk myself out of a lot of stuff...its really quite painful...hahaha . Your moms friend that passed away...she too want to see you brave it all too.

I have an interview tomorrow that I am dreading too...every finer of my bone wants to not go. hahahah but I am gonna brave it all. go out with guns blazing ...hehehe...I will be sure to think of you when I am there and know that i aint alone ...so you can think of me too...it be a challenge for the both of us...and then we can report back to each other ...what pends out...haha

Challenge accepted??

Keep in touch ..and like the Nike Slogan

JUST DO IT!!!!

[IsaJett]

Oh yeah tell your work about your grief too ...they will understand I'm sure and will be empathetic to your situation.

[CLS29]

Hi Mel,

I feel like I can completely understand how you must be feeling. I have been in that same situation. For me, I always let workplaces know about my anxiety. I talked about how it was a part of my life but that I try not to let it influence how I work. I also liked to explain that it made me a better worker - being anxious about not pleasing my authorities ensured I always worked hard and got good results. It also makes me more understanding of those around me who may have similar problems. Admitting my anxiety to potential employers also made me realise how many people out there do suffer from anxiety and depression. For me, my workplace is now a very comfortable support place and I feel much more comfortable knowing that people know the real me and I feel like I don't have to go to such an effort to hide how I am feeling. The hiding and pretending I was OK was what really makes it difficult for me to hold it all in. Besides, I felt like that if they couldn't or didn't want to understand me, then that was their problem. It says a lot more about their lack of empathy or education than it did about my state of mind.

I have always been encouraged to ask myself... what's the worst that can happen? You will be tired if you don't sleep. That's OK. Most people wouldn't sleep the night before a new job! I know I sleep terribly every Sunday before a new week of work, not knowing what it will bring. You will be running on adrenaline and no one expects someone to be completely comfortable on their first day. ANY person would be really nervous starting a new job. Getting into a new routine and keeping your mind busy will eventually be so good for you, as I am sure you know. You just have to get through the hard parts and get to being comfortable. You WILL get there, no matter what these other thoughts are currently telling you. But I also know how hard that is to believe yourself when your mind is wanting to tell you otherwise.

If it was me I would tell my workplace about my anxiety and grief. You may feel a weight lifted, even if your anxiety doesn't. No wonder you are feeling anxious! A new job alone would do that to a person, but to have grief on top of that feels suffocating. But it's obviously up to you.

Know that you are not alone, that this will pass, and that better things lay waiting ahead of you. Don't let the anxiety stop you from doing what you truly want to do.

Best of luck and so sorry to hear about your loss. I will be thinking of you

CLS x