No good at small talk

[Guest_1055]

Today I find myself thinking, probably over thinking.....well I am not good at small talk. Anyone got any thoughts on small talk? I know it can be helpful in a way but seems meaningless in other ways.

OK bye now

Shelley xxx

[Guest_1055]

I thought you may be a better listener Mister M.

 I think you may be right that getting into a negative mindset .......well it can get us stuck. And I am sorry you are stuck right now. For me sometimes, I can get firmly stuck in it, and it has such a tight grip on me. And it is way hard to free yourself from it. Actually I think I don't recognize it in me at times.

Anyway I have tried some things that do seem to help me, I am not sure if you have learnt this lesson in life or not. Maybe you already do this. Well what I do, is close my eyes and think of one good thing in life that matters to me, or that I think is good. It might be the simple fact, that I like the softness of this pillow that my head is resting on at this very moment. Or the fact this fan that is now blowing on me is cool, and I like the coolness. I just keep going with this, finding things. Eventually, and I am not sure why..... but I then start to feel thankful and that tight negative thing loosens.

I hope this doesn't sound like a lecture or something, like not getting to the point. So I am sorry if it does. It is just I am scared of what you may think of me, and I hate the thought of you being stuck like that, because I know what it feels like.

Hope today is better for you, and that you see some good things.

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Mary

What is you granddaughters name? Does she live far from you?

I just read on another thread that you have one of those colouring books. Is that right? I was given one of those for Christmas along with some brand new coloured pencils. This is my first grown up colouring book. Opening that gift, especially the pencils.... well it bought back nice memories of childhood, when you were given stuff that like for a new school year.

What did you actually study in communication at uni?

I am going to post this reply now, in hope you are still here on the forums somewhere... 

Hugs

Shelley xx

[White_Rose]

My granddaughter is Daina. My daughter and family live about half an hour's drive away. Dad works nights and mom is at work today so it was a good opportunity to spend the day together.

My other grandchildren gave me a colouring book and pencils and I did start colouring. Not sure if it's really my thing. I sat and listened to book on CD while I was doing it.

I spent three years studying the theory of communication, how and why it works. Why do my words have a meaning for you and is it the same meaning. Also studied different ways of communication such as a formal presentation, journalism, public relations, children etc. All these areas rely on putting their message across in a specific way in order to be understood by the target audience. Fascinating stuff.

Mary

[Guest_1055]

Hey Mary

That is way special working on a scrapbook together. So special...... 

Tracing back your family history.....well that would be really interesting. Do you get a feeling of connection and maybe a sense of belonging when you dig all that stuff up?  I enjoy looking at old buildings and homes, I love to imagine what the people that once lived there were like. And also the physical aspects of the actual building, some are really beautiful.

Well it is now  12:43pm, and as I look down, I realise I am not even dressed for the day. It was hard getting out of bed this morning. And the only reason that I am out, is to  re-charge this device, on which I am typing on to you at the moment . I needed to be close to the power point. I am trying not to feel bad about it, and I am a little scared you will think less of me....

Huge hug for you Mary, and is Mary your actual name?

Shelley xx

[MisterM]

Hi Shelley,

No please don't apologise, I appreciate your advice.
What you described to me sounds like mindfulness? Correct me if I am wrong.
Yeah this negative mindset has got me tightly.
I think about the things in life that I have that are good but still I feel crap about myself.
Thanks.

[Guest_1055]

Hello  Tryingtostaypositive,

I have just been re-reading your post, mainly the tip number 2, that says "try not to be afraid to be yourself", I don't even know who I am, if that makes any sense. Sometimes I wonder if that means being free.  Like you, I too am afraid of being judged or scared of what people will think if me. To be truthful I really hate being like this. I long to be free,.....

I am not sure if you will even read all this, but I am thankfull for you

Shelley xx

[White_Rose]

I can relate to being judged. Getting to ignore it. I want to know who I am which is why I will not be returning to ADs. Too many bad side effects and bad interactions with other medications. I've lost sight of me. Not sure I like the me who is emerging but we'll see.

Mary is my name.

I wandered around in my night clothes for half a day the other day. Just no energy to get dressed until I absolutely had to. As the world did not come to end I decided it was OK.

Family history is very interesting. . Just going back to my grandparents is a journey to another world. Further back is amazing, especially as I find out what work people did and where and how they lived. So very different. Only found one criminal so far, a womanizer who starved his wife and caused her death. He was sent to prison and ended his days in the workhouse.

Other than that I have no great or notorious ancestors. Just working class people who lived their lives to the best of their ability. A large number of those I have traced lived through the Industrial Revolution and became part of the greatest period of industrial innovation in a city that sponsored this great change. A heritage to be proud of.

I think MisterM is right about the mindfulness. Keep it up because it is calming and soothing.

Talk later.

Mary

[Guest_1055]

Hello Mister M

I don't know anything about mindfulness,  it is just something that I have done, to help my mind and heart to see the lovely and good things in life. 

I am sorry you feel crap about yourself , I really do long to be able to help you feel not this way. I'm not sure what else to say, but I do care about you.

Hugs to you Mister M

Shelley xx

[Guest_1055]

Hey Mary,

The emerging sounds like a beautiful butterfly, waiting for the day, it can unfold it's wings, from its safe hiding place. And now feel a sense of freedom. But now as I have just finished writing that, I am thinking maybe you would emerge from an egg, look at your surroundings with uncertain eyes, but then very quickly grow with determination. This determination will aid you to soar as a strong and very beautiful bird, flying in the air.....

So how did you find out about your family history, like what was the first thing you did? I know there is something at my local library that helps you, so did you use something like that? I am guessing you have a lot of old photographs. I like looking at old photographs, even how the people pose in them. Like if the person was captured by a professional photographer, like what did they say to the person, to get them to stand that way.

That is fascinating the stuff you unravelled about your family history, I only know a very tiny bit of mine, and I really don't know how you would find out more. Except by asking at the library.....To you plan to pass the information you have uncovered to your grandchildren.

Well I hope today is OK for you Mary. Is your granddaughter still at your place?

Hugs to you

Shelley xx

[White_Rose]

Hello Shelley

What a beautiful word picture you have painted. Thank you. How can you say that you cannot talk to people.

My granddaughter went home after lunch today with her mom. She took home the baby tooth that fell out while she was here so the tooth fairy could pay her for it.

Family history is a process of slowly going backwards to find out your ancestors. It's easier when you join an online genealogy program. There are many of these available at varying costs. You can build your tree visually which makes it exciting to watch it grow. These programs also have access to many thousands of records which you can search for information, and these records can be added to your tree. Or you can record your tree as a paper record and search the various record sources yourself online. Sometimes they are free, sometimes not. Like anything you learn as you go.

Most libraries hold classes on family history and there are also local family history societies you can join. The other members are usually experienced and willing to help a newbie get started. They often have access to sets of records themselves.

Initially you start by collecting birth, marriage and death records because this tells you who your parents are and their parents etc. You work backwards to get everyone's names, DOB etc. Then you look at census records, army/navy records and war records, newspapers, wills, criminal records. In fact any kind of record that could relate to your family. Immigration records are great for Australian families as are Australian birth/marriage/death records because they have so much more information than UK records.

After a while you a get a feel for the family and what should be there and what is missing. The last time I was in the UK my brother and I went to see one of my great grandfather's homes. It was 500 years old and used to be the village bakery. My great granddad was a baker. His second wife was buried in the village. I got stories of his life from the people living there. It's a very addictive hobby and unfortunately expensive. I am the first Australian in my family so I run into difficulties chasing up records in the UK.

How are you going? You do not say much about your feeling or difficulties and I would like to be able to encourage and help you if I can, and if you will allow me. I would love to know how you are traveling.

Mary