anxiety at home - cannot relax

[Amanda2000]

I experience anxiety when the rest of my family is at home with me (husband + 2 teenagers). I feel guilty and crazy at the same time. My closest-and-dearest will not harm me in any way, but why do I feel the urge to run and hide when I hear them approaching?! It's like a feeling of being attacked.

My house has a long hallway downstairs. Getting from one end to the other is always stressful - the constant fear of someone coming out of a room along the way. The sound of a door opening makes me jump every time.

Any noise they make irritates me, whether it's their footsteps or talking or closing of the kitchen-cupboard or running of the tap. My negative reaction is instant. I have no time to adjust my thinking.

I would avoid going into common areas like the kitchen until no one is there. If anyone walks past me, my heart would start racing.

Weekends and school holidays are the worst. They might sleep-in so I cannot wash the bed-linen until they're up. They might eat breakfast late so I cannot start the dishwasher. Then someone decides to use the washing machine just as I was about to put in the bed-linen. OK I'll go to clean the bathroom but someone is in there. It's like they're all over the house and it's always that exact same second when I'm there. I'm doing chores in-between when things are not in use, one thing after another. I can't relax at all. Watch TV for 10 minutes and then the washing machine beeps. My head ends up in a total mess.

Now it's started to affect my sleep. I cannot unwind and calm my mind until they've all gone to bed. I need total silence and solitude. But then as I finally get into bed late, I start thinking about the next day and how to dodge them again. It's a vicious cycle.

I know the thoughts are irrational but I cannot stop the triggers. I use various coping-strategies to get me out of these anxiety episodes, but it's mentally exhausting when I'm doing this over and over again throughout the day.

I have a wonderful family and I really should not complain, but I just cannot relax when they are around. Any thoughts?

[Croix]

Dear Amanda2000~

Welcome here, I've read your other posts and life seems to be getting increasingly difficult for you.

When your babies were young and in control (as much as anyone can be your young children) I think I remember you found that pretty ok. It is not so now however, they have grown into teens and they, their friends and others are around you so you find things just about impossible

You would like to do your daily routine alone, however that's not on, and as a result your fears have ramped up to the stage you cannot walk down a corridor for fear of the a door being opened and someone coming out -even though half of your mind, the rational half, knows you are not in danger.

In fact now you spend so much time trying to keep your feelings and fears under control you are exhausted and getting nowhere.

I also think you may have been worried about the compulsions related to OCD with washing, choosing spoons and so on as well as anxiety

You said your parents indulged in 'scare tactics' and that has followed to adulthood.

I think you have done pretty well to get as far as you have but now is really the time to be professionally diagnosed and given competent medical help. I kept getting worse until I got the right treatment, and that was the start of the change in my life.

A support group has it's place, however I believe the medical side has to happen first, so the support group can reinforce this and make you feel better about yourself. Which support group depends of course on that initial professional diagnosis.

Going to the doctor is hard the first time (I'd suggest a extended consultation). I put it off for years and simply made things worse. I admit to sit face to face with a stranger and spell out exactly how you feel, how you have felt in the past, and the measures your parents used to take to scare you are all very confronting, and in fact may seem impossible to talk about.

My way round it was to write everything - and I mean everything - down in point form, then hand a copy of the paper to the doctor. It was so much easier, I had all the time in the world to say things properly and not forget anything, and in the consultation room I mostly just answered questions about things on the list.

The doctor was happy, there was a proper list of symprtoms to work though and form a judgment from. I was diagnosed and given therapy and meds.

I'm very glad I did.

I know before your family was unsympathetic, is there anyone there for you?

Croix

.

[Looney Tunes53x]

H Amanda2000

i recognise the urge to run and hide and this used to make me feel worse about myself as I too had a great family. But you haven’t had time to deal with all the thoughts running riot in your head let alone cope with another 3 individuals in your space -I really get that 🙂. You know what I’ve found lately that helps? I have AirPods and when I go to bed I Youtube meditation tapes . Some go for 10 minutes some for 30 but by practicing the deep breathing and the relaxation techniques it gives my brain one thing to concentrate on. It’s hard to start with but it does get easier the more you do it. Maybe you could allocate time through the day to do it too but if not maybe just at night would be a good place to start. Hugs. 🫂

[Ab67]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I joined this forum to try to understand my anxious daughters behaviour. This helps me understand her perspective a bit better.

[Looney Tunes53x]

Hello ab

Sorry to hear you have an anxious daughter. May I ask her age please?
😄

[Looney Tunes53x]

Hi Amanda

how are you feeling? 😃

[Guest_1643]

hi Amanda

u have described my own symptoms to a tee - although i live alone i honestly still have fears of being intruded upon....even if everything is locked and safe - even when I was in hospital and so so tightly secure in a private room which i could lock - when i'd hear footsteps i'd freeze and imagine the door being barged open -

this for me is a ptsd response and i can't describe it even or acknowledge it as clearly as you can

i always felt so alone and weird feeling so scared of threats in seemingly safe situations.....i'm learning slowly these are trauma responses. Is that the same for you?

Please don't judge your experience.... i think it's quite common and okay - i'm so sorry it's now interrupting your sleep too... i hope you find some comfort knowing others go through this too and that it can be helped.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Croix

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and getting to know me. Yes everything you said is spot on!

I do realise that I'm at a stage of motherhood that just doesn't feel very rewarding. Nothing out of the ordinary I suppose.

The covid stay-at-home situation has made things worse for me as I've lost my much-needed personal space.

I talk to my husband but it's more to keep him informed about what I'm going through. He admits that he's not good with feelings. Not much comfort from him but he does make every effort to be accommodating.

Good to hear you've had success with medical help. I'll look into this further.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Looney Tunes53x

Thanks and a big hug back to you!

Mentally I've been feeling much better this week but physically I've been suffering from vertigo. I feel like I'm on a plane. Please let me get off this plane! Probably just need some good quality sleep to shake it off.

I'll give meditation a try. Just need to find an app with a voice that I can stand. I've looked at a few on YouTube but I found their voices very annoying. I get no peace from listening to them at all, haha.

You take care, my friend.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Sleepy21

Your reply has given me a lot of comfort. Thank you so much.

I don't think my situation counts as a "trauma", but the decision to have children was certainly the start of a lot of my issues. While I was pregnant, I worried everyday that the baby would die inside me, then I would worry about stillbirth. After the birth, I would worry about cot-death. Once my kids were old enough to interact with other kids, I would worry about how to protect them against other kids' germs, which then turned into how to protect myself against the germs they carried home. I had a mild case of post-natal depression after my second child was born. I just had one session with a psychologist and then I quickly returned to work to distract myself.

Maybe I'm just exhausted from being a mum. It's a life sentence without parole.