Earlier this year I lost pretty much all of my friends. They all collectively just stopped talking to me. I knew this was going to happen eventually cause I’ve always had a feeling they didn’t like me. I know my anxiety put me in this situation and I drove them away by overthinking every little interaction but I also thought that maybe I was just overreacting and they did see me as a friend. Though I guess I was mistaken and they never did like me. It hurts even more that nothing really happened, like I didn’t do anything and they aren’t angry at me or hate me they just don’t like me.
I swear there is something innate about my personality or general presence that drives people away, It takes a lot for people to want to be around me, im scared I’ll never make a new friend ever again. It’s just kinda confirmed what I’ve always thought about myself that I’m inherently unlikable and boring. I’ve made like 2 friends at uni but now they are pretty much the only other people in my life and I haven’t even known them for that long and I feel like they also just see me as like a placeholder and not a real friend, just because time and time again I loose friends because I don’t know they seem to get bored of me or something.
I just can’t do it anymore, I don’t know how to talk to people and everyone else has their own friends so even if I somehow manage to get to the point of being friendly with them they’ll probably never see me as a real friend.
Its getting harder and harder to pretend I’m not struggling with it and also hiding the fact I’m lonely and friendless to my family. It’s just so violently embarrassing cause all my siblings have lots of friends and are really popular and I have just never been. I needed to get a passport and I didn’t have anyone to be a reference I needed my mum to ask one of her friends. Like how embarrassing.
It’s killing me and now it’s just like they know I’m at home all the time and literally never go anywhere with anyone especially with holidays coming up like I guarantee I’ll be alone in the house and everyone else will be out for new years like every year.
like even before when I technically had friends I was still lonely but at least I could pretend to my family, but now that I literally have no one it’s like a massive slap in the face. If I told y family directly they would just make fun of me it’s not like they would be worried or anything.
I truly see no way out of this
