New here and would like to talk

[SunnyMe]

Hi, I'm new to the site, I'll try to keep this short.

I am 26, married and have 3 kids aged 5, 4 and 2. They are the light of my life but lately I feel as though they are sucking the life out of me. 

I have been diagnosed with moderate to severe anxiety and mild to moderate depression in the past but don't really identify with being 'depressed' apart from when my circumstances have been particularly bad. 

At the moment I feel as though my anxiety is getting worse and worse. I have obsessive thoughts about things that make me deeply uncomfortable. For example,  I don't like my finger nails to touch anything glossy, or metal (always been uncomfortable for me but getting worse). More recently I don't like anything dry or with friction touching the inside of my mouth, wooden cutlery, paper straws, even my own fingers. When I say it makes me uncomfortable,  I mean I involuntarily will flick my fingers, grit my teeth, panic rises inside and I have to fight the urge to tear at my hair/eyes to distract myself from the discomfort I'm feeling. More and more things seem to trigger me lately and I'm struggling to contain my feelings.

I have times of anxiety where I feel I have a problem that I must solve right now but I can't figure out what it is. I then panic because i can't solve it. 

I don't tell my husband any of this because he gets so worried and helpless because he can't fix it. He just tells me to talk to someone. I do much better with writing things out though so I'm doing this in the hope that it will help me feel better. 

Thank you for taking the time to read 🙂

[NicoleP]

Hi SunnyMe

Welcome to the forums. Love the name!

You must be very busy with 3 small children. My children have grown up now (aged 17, 19, 20) but I certainly remember the years when they were young. I know what you mean about having the life sucked out of you. I loved my kids dearly but often needed some time out from them. I used to tell my kids I was on a 5 minute tea break. It is funny, a friend and I were out having coffee the other day and we were thinking back to the good old days with our little kids - and then we remembered how tough it was and decided that we will just wait for grandkids. Do you have interests outside the house to give you a break from them?

I am not sure about the hypersensitivity apart from asking whether you have discussed it with your GP. Do you have a counsellor or someone you can talk to for support?

Keep posting. Always happy to chat

KezzaA

[HelenM]

Hi SunnyMe

I would imagine that with 3 small children life is quite hectic. Is there any way you can lighten your load a little? Could anyone watch the kids sometimes to give you a break or could you get out to see friends or take part in a hobby.

Perhaps you need professional help regarding your obsessive thoughts. I really think the right sort of help can help a lot.

As I said, given your life is so hectic you probably need more 'me' time and that would hopefully alleviate some of your anxiety.

Take care, Helen

[geoff]

dear SunnyMe, thanks for being so very brave in posting this comment and I'm pleased that you have, as I too have OCD and had it for 54 years, so I know exactly what you are talking about.

It seems as though you have it pretty bad, and there can be a slight degree of having depression, although we are too overwhelmed by this anxiety, but never the less depression is lurking around.

It all follows suit here, because your children are young and when they have a sudden moment of playing up all against what you have told them not to do, in clicks your anxiety, and by this I mean your OCD habits, they begin to run rapportly, and yes out of control, it's all right I know and appreciate all of this, so please don't be afraid to talk to me.

These problems could only be imaginarily, but not necessarily to the full extend, but with anxiety/OCD they do become a larger problem, so that's why we have to do a habit to try and soothe our mind, so we perform these rituals to a certain number of times, a number we have convinced ourselves is satisfactory.

The number I count to is 4, however I could still do the habit until I actually do it for more times than 4 but I still count to this number 4.

It's good that we can explain what we actually do, so that others can try and learn what OCD is, because there is a feeling that they believe by having this illness is that we are strange and perhaps mental, but I'm certainly not mental, although I have had depression for a long time, but gone through school, achieved many things in sport, was married and have 2 great sons.

After saying all of this I don't think that your husband would be able to understand what is going on, or how this debilitating illness can bring us down.

Over all the years I have had to suffer from OCD with no one helping me or even knowing about it, I can say that over this period my habits have all changed.

I would love for you to feel comfortable now and I would to talk to you. L Geoff. x

[SunnyMe]

Hello, thank very much for your replies.

I feel a little lighter just for having shared my experience with others, no one knows at all the way these issues affect me and I'm extremely good at putting on a smile and looking relaxed.

I have my two youngest in child care two days a week but those days are spent cleaning washing and/or grocery shopping. 

 If anyone could offer advice on how to speak to a spouse who just doesn't want to know about anything negative going on, I would really appreciate it too. 

Thanks again 🙂

[HockeyGal]

Hi SunnyMe great name I completely understand how touch of specific materials can bring about anxious feelings. Your description with the straw touching your mouth is quite similar to my experience with touching cotton balls(weird I know). Panic with no reason can be debilitating, I know that you don't want to be a burden on your husband but please involve him you are not strange or crazy. Raising children is stressful for anyone and in times of stress your anxiety symptoms will worsen. Love the name hope you work out some strategies to make the symptoms a  little easier to deal with. 🙂

[geoff]

dear SunnyMe and HockeyGal, I firstly want to tell you both that by doing these 'strange' habits certainly doesn't put you under the label of being WEIRD, because you have to remember that having OCD is an illness, it's not being a weirdo, because it may have been handed down through generation to generation, or perhaps it could skip a generation, but the gene is still there, so it's not our fault, and secondly it's an illness that we can learn, because our mind is susceptible or open to susception, and once you are performing these continual acts then you are hooked.

To be able to speak to your husband, well surely everything that happens can't go ahead without any hic-ups, problems are part of our life, whether these have serious consequences or just minor, we then have to have a plan to rectify these, so a negative thought has plan A or if that fails we then go to plan H, but all of this needs to be discussed.

I do have an inclination that if for some reason he has seen you do one or two of these habits, or maybe the tail end of them, that now he has wiped his mind of any bad thoughts, that's his coping way, but can I mention that he may appear to disregard any negative thoughts, but is he thinking of them to himself.

So how you could do it is by explaining both these two plans first, so that any negative situation can have a solution rather than ignoring it.

Others may have other ideas, as I maybe way off target here, just thinking aloud. L Geoff. x