Irrational fear

Possum_Girl · ‎11-11-2014

Hi, new here. Wanting to know how to overcome irrational fear. I suffer from depression and am on an antidepressant. I lost my first husband in a tragic accident 20 years ago. I have remarried and have children. Whenever my husband/children are not with me ie driving somewhere a long way away I cannot stop thinking that something bad is going to happen, like a car accident and they are going to die. I am so afraid and I don't know how to stop thinking like this. It is stupid I know but I can't control it. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

NicoleP · ‎11-11-2014

Hi Possum_Girl

Welcome to the BB forums. Thank you for sharing your story, I am very sorry to hear of the loss of your first husband. That must have been a terrible time in your life and I can't imagine what you have been through. I can certainly understand how that is still impacting upon you now. Have you been to your GP and explained the situation? Counselling may be able to help you out - it sounds a bit like PTSD (post traumatic stress) which would be completely understandable in the circumstances (not that I am a doctor or anything)

KezzaA

HelenM · ‎12-11-2014

Hi Possum Girl

Fear is never stupid but it is horrible as you know. For me my irrational fears are a symptom of my depression. When I'm well they go but whilst I'm ill I go through phases when I'm afraid of something with no good reason. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is considered very good with fear. It helps you to look at the facts of the situation and so realise that your fear is groundless. It doesn't really work with me because when I'm unwell the idea that there's one in a 1000 chance of something seems far too high and all I want is certainty. Reading through this I realise that I'm not really giving you any good advice. I think it's a problem that I've got used to.

I hope someone can help you with this.

Helen

Possum_Girl · ‎12-11-2014

Hi Helen, everything you say makes total sense to me. I can also relate to the 1 in 1000 chance and even then you are still afraid. Maybe you and I are in the same boat. I will look into CBT.

Possum_Girl · ‎12-11-2014

Thanks KezzaA for replying. I have been to countless counselling sessions over the years. I think I am a very difficult customer to deal with though as I find it hard to talk to someone about personal things, someone I really don't know. I saw a psychiatrist for 2 years after my husband passed away - we always edged around the issue as I could not talk about it comfortably. I have often found so many counsellors say the same thing as they all do, which does not really offer me much - text book answers. I don't mean this in a bad way to the counsellors it's just that i've heard it all before and it give me a solution to the problem. Anyway just talking to people who know how you really feel (as I feel counsellors can only imagine the pain as opposed to people who have really suffered it) can perhaps help.

geoff · ‎12-11-2014

dear Possum_Girl ( PG ), welcome to the site and thanks for posting a comment.

There have been a couple of other posts regarding this topic, and I'm sorry my memory evades me, but these thoughts are what I have had what I and used to have, and they could be related to having OCD.

The other alternative is that they could also be from developing PTSD as Kezza has mentioned.

Can I say that they are not feelings of being stupid, because what we all feel when going through any type of depression is never ever ridiculous, because there's always a justified reason, so please don't punish yourself.

I would also try CBT as what Helen has suggested, so I'm just reinforcing what both have said, but I would also like to know whether or not you do have OCD. L Geoff. x

Possum_Girl · ‎12-11-2014

Hi Geoff, I am not sure if I have OCD however my husband may disagree! BUT - there are some things I do which, given consideration, probably are OCD. If I have any hint of anything being "bad luck" I wont touch it. EG - I will not buy, wear or use anything green. My mother and grandmother always said green was bad luck. My first car - green - written off in six weeks, bridesmaids dresses for first marriage - green - my husband passed away. I know this is irrational but it makes sense to me. Another superstition passed on by a friend years ago is if you bump one elbow you have to bump the other. If I can't bump the other it bothers me so I make sure I do it. I have other small "idiosyncrasies" like this where if I think something bad is going to happen, then I say a phrase to myself. Does that make me OCD? Sounds like maybe I am. How to you combat OCD?

geoff · ‎12-11-2014

dear PG, yes you do have OCD as these are typical idosyncrasieslike with the elbow, as I have posted on the site many times I have had it for 54 years.

I know how you feel it can be very controlling and dominant what we have to do.

I will come back to your question, however if you type OCD in the search bar it will come up with hundreds of people posting in about their concern from this illness, and in most cases I have had discussions with these people, but can I come back to you please. Thanks L Geoff. x

HelenM · ‎13-11-2014

Hi Possum Girl

I would say CBT has helped me with some things and is worth doing. I hope things improve for you soon. Fear is one of my worst symptoms and I do sympathise as it's hard to argue away.

Helen x