New Anxiety - Disassociating?

[Egbert97]

Hi folks! I’ve been experiencing intense anxiety for nearly 2 months now and visiting these forums has given me great relief. For the first month my anxiety was specifically for my physical health/well-being; I’d get frequent headaches, heart palpitations, trembles, etc. and would find myself going down the Dr. Google rabbit hole. Going on these forums made me feel less alone & gave me the strength not to use Google whenever a new symptom appeared. However, there seems to have been a significant shift in my anxiety recently.

About 2 weeks ago I had what i can only describe as a major existential crisis - without getting too into the details, I became hyper aware of the impermanence of life and time. This was such a shock for me that for the next few days I was completely worrying about the health of myself & the people around me & couldn’t focus on anything except the fact that they will pass on one day. These feelings of dread and anxiety piled up and up until I had a really big breakdown. Since then, whenever I feel anxious, my symptoms have completely changed. Rather than getting handle tremors, fast heart rate, difficulty breathing, etc. I seem to get really disassociated. This includes:

- Not feeling like myself for days at a time

- Lightheaded for days at a time

- Thought spirals

- Loss of appetite

- Difficulty concentrating all the time

- Difficulty recalling events/facts all the time

- Consistent brain fog / inability to think clearly

- Paranoia

These symptoms persist for days at a time and I usually only get a few hours or a day of reprieve in between. They can also vary in intensity; sometimes I can go about my day like this, other times I feel like I’m completely disconnecting from reality and desperately trying to cling for my own sanity. My health anxiety makes me think this is early on-set psychosis or schizophrenia, despite my psychologist, GP and friends heavily disputing this. Deep down I know this is likely chronic stress and anxiety, but it feels so foreign and disturbing to me that I can’t help but go to the immediate worse case scenario. Sometimes I get these physical symptoms without feeling anxious and being in a good mood (lightheaded, brain fog, etc.)!

I’m posting here today to try get some understanding. Has anyone else with anxiety felt this way? Is this anxiety? How do I cope with disassociating? I might be starting anxiety medication soon - will this bring me relief?

I just want to feel like myself again.

Thank-you

[sunnyl20]

Hi Egbert97,

It is great to hear that you have found these forums useful - it can be reassuring to know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing and helpful to hear how others cope with similar challenges. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling though, it sounds like the past few months have been really distressing and exhausting. Anxiety can manifest in many different ways and at different intensities - I want to reassure you that it is not unusual for changes to occur in how you experience anxiety, even though it feels really unsettling, disturbing and overwhelming when they do change and when it feels so out of control. What you have described (especially the "thought spirals", loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating) is not uncommon in anxiety. If you haven't already, please let your psychologist and GP know about the change in your symptoms. If you feel like what you are experiencing is dissociation, there are a couple of things that help some people cope that you may want to try - distress tolerance skills (that are based on DBT) and grounding exercises (sensory techniques, visualising a safe place through guided imagery, breathing techniques (Smiling Mind app can be helpful with these)). Also, I can't tell you for certain whether a specific medication will work for you but it is worth trying as it may bring you relief from the symptoms you're experiencing. I would really encourage you to continue avoiding "Dr Google" as much as possible. I know it is much easier said than done and can be a real temptation, but it does not alleviate anxiety - trust your GP and your psychologist, they are there to help and they are the best resource for all your questions and worries.

Take care Egbert97. I really hope you are able to find some relief soon. You are most welcome to check in whenever you feel up to it.

[JoH1991]

This is me to a tee. I really disconnect from everyone around me and experience the loss of touch with reality. Almost in a daze / mind on autopilot. I feel numb too. The brain fog and headaches are the worst. Only now realising it’s all anxiety. So much is caused by anxiety. Damn health anxiety!! I’m thinking of starting medication too as the natural measures I’m taking are just not enough at the moment. All the best to you and hope you find some relief!

[Chicken_little]

Hi Egbert,

I feel like you just wrote out my own anxiety experience.

My first anxiety symptoms were quite physical. Palpitations, I would get very warm etc. but my anxiety has shifted to being about my health. I also became hyper aware of everything related to, I guess “being alive”?

I ended up feeling like I was behind glass and the world was happening around me. Experiences were happening in spite of me. Even when I was talking I felt like I was in my head hearing myself talk, but I didn’t really have any control over it.

I found concentrating almost impossible, I would get dizzy and sometimes I felt a sort of “zappy” feeling in my head.

Headaches, complete loss of appetite to the point that the thought of someone else eating makes me feel nauseous.

Health anxiety just made it worse, cause I convinced myself that I had a brain tumour, dementia or both. The more I focused on the symptoms the worse they got and it was a relentless cycle.

I am on an SSRI, that together with CBT and also exercise made a massive difference.

I did NOT want to go for walks, but tiny short walks (literally down the street and back) were actually really helpful.

[therising]

Hi Egbert97

It's definitely freaky when we encounter an experience we have no current understanding of. The thought 'What the heck is happening to me and where the heck did this 'reality shift' come from?' can lead to more and more questions, sometimes with very few answers found along the way.

It depends on who you speak to when it comes to getting answers. Different people or experts will give you different explanations. For example, a physician may say 'Let's do a few scans, just to check out the way your brain's functioning and while we're at it we'll look into some blood tests (your chemistry)'. All tests may come back normal or perhaps an MRI might show up evidence of 'Silent migraines' (which can have some seriously freaky characteristics).

A psychiatrist may speak of anxiety and/or the possibility of a dissociative disorder.

Now, this one is not everyone's cup of tea: A spiritual counselor could speak of the possibility of 'spiritual emergency' or 'spiritual emergence'. To give you a bit of an idea on the topic, in a nutshell this is about experiencing yourself and life from a different perspective. In some cases people will detach from how they normally experience them self and life and suddenly become 'the observer' of self and life. Some people will describe this as feeling like they're going a bit crazy, describing it as a freaky reality shift with mind/body/spirit or natural self all being rolled into one on 'the trip'. They also say that once they make it through the initial turbulence, life is astounding. It's an interesting topic to Google. As I say, this is not everyone's cup of tea.

So, again, depends on who you speak to when it comes to searching for answers. Three possibilities based on one set of symptoms. Personally, I like to explore all angles when it comes to how we tick. I try to keep an open mind.

I wish you all the best on your quest for greater self understanding. I hope you get the answers you're searching for.

🙂

[Egbert97]

Hi Chicken,

I’m glad to hear from someone that has shared this experience. Have the SSRI’s worked well for you? I’m just so scared to start them because my psych has told me it’ll almost certainly make my anxiety worse for 1-2 weeks. I don’t want to be disassociated for that long. This anxiety is beginning to be really corrosive to my life (not at work right now, relationship is stressed, etc.)

cheers!

[Chicken_little]

Hi Egbert,

For me SSRI did not make the feelings of disassociation worse. I was really scared to start taking them because I was scared of what they would do.

I normally wouldn’t take anything stronger than paracetamol!

I don’t even remember my anxiety feel worse, but nobody guaranteed me I would. My anxiety is mixed with depression and I

I’m sure if someone had warned me I would feel worse, I would have felt worse cause I would have been looking for those feelings. It’s possible that it won’t happen.

I didn’t feel magically better or anything, and even once over getting used to them they don’t get rid of all anxious feelings, but I’m grateful for the difference they do make.

every person will react differently and I may have been lucky in finding the right medication the first time

[Chicken_little]

Another thought for you...

when it was at its worst I felt like the anxiety carried an actual weight and I felt it in my chest every morning when I woke up. Nights were always better cause I knew I was home and I could go to bed.

going to work with that weight was all but impossible.

I used breathing exercises guided by the headspace app.

sometimes it just made me cry, but that was actually helpful too as crying releases cortisol and relieves some of the anxious weight enough that I could get going.