Hello Skye
Welcome to Beyond Blue. I am sorry no one has got back to you earlier. Sometimes a post slips through the cracks. I hope I can help you.
Yes, anxiety and depression are not nice and they can make life difficulty all round. However there is no excuse for abuse, which is what you have described. It's unfortunate that we often end up with partners similar to a parent and I have no real idea why. But this may explain what attracted you to your ex-partner.
As he is an ex why do you still have contact with him? He has no right to speak to you in such a disrespectful manner and I wonder why you are still in contact. Do you have children? I think you have the after effects of domestic violence, both from your father and ex-partner, and need help to manage this. I understand the effect of being yelled at, and how the same effect happens when someone speaks to you in a certain tone even without raising their voice.
While my father was certainly not abusive I had a husband that came into that category. And as you say, when a certain note came into his voice I found myself shaking and so scared of what he was going to say. Psychological and emotional violence is devastating and leaves so much pain and trauma in its path. It seems to me that you need some help to learn how to manage. The person who does this sort of thing will always come out on top because they don't care who they hurt so long as they can win.
Have you talked to anyone about this? What about having a chat to your GP and taking it from there? My GP has been amazing and has organised counselling for me. GPs are really on the ball in these matters. You do not have to put up with it. I hope you can tell the ex not to have any more contact with you, but as I do not know the circumstances it is difficult.
Please let us know how you are going.
Mary
