My Severe Anxiety= Survival-Mode-Brain?

[ZiggOh]

Hi all!

I am new to Beyond Blue even though I have known about it for years and am finding it so helpful to read about your experiences and advice 🙂

I was diagnosed with GAD in 2012 and since then (well I think I actually have had anxiety since I was a child but since 2012 things have been much worse), I have had a lot of issues with my mental health including a "mental breakdown" which was caused by me studying and not having any healthy coping mechanisms and also negative life events involving family. My breakdown consistent of panic attacks, insomnia (not sleeping at all), severe anxiety (that one psychiatrist labelled it as a psychotic episode but I was not having hallucinations or hearing things, just losing control of my thoughts and making no sense to people) and depression following this awful time. During this mental breakdown, I felt very isolated and did not have on-going psychological help as I have trouble sticking to things and avoiding things that are emotionally hard.

I feel that now and in the past year or so, I have managed to sustain a job, friendships, a relationship (although very hard at times!), I have a pet and have a good living arrangement. So things are seeming good, and I am actually very happy for this. However, the problem is that I feel so anxious still, like my brain is in survival-mode. I cannot actually feel much happiness or pleasure from things. The only emotions I ever feel are anxious/over-arousal? and all I really focus on is my anxiety, my worrying thoughts and my neck and head tension.

I was wondering if anyone feels the same way as I do? and also would like to hear from people who have felt this way and how you have gotten through it.

Thanks everyone 🙂

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Ziggi;

How courageous and empowering to finally put your fingers on the keys; kudos!!

Your experiences are really close to home for me. At my worst I suffered a breakdown, psychosis due to sleep deprivation and full blown panic/anxiety. Which of course caused even higher levels of the above due to fear and not knowing what was happening to me.

To make matters worse, my GP wasn't an advocate of MH issues and prescribed a low dose antidepressant and no mental health plan. It did nothing! I know why now, but relying on her as I did could've been fatal for me at the time. I should've been in a psych ward!

I refer to this period as '...when my brain broke'.

So what you seem to be dealing with is a damaged nervous system that's still repairing itself; healing your brain takes time. It took a long time to get to the point where you broke down, so fixing things isn't going to be an overnight success. However, each stage of healing has its own rewards. 🙂

Part of that process incorporates understanding why it happened in the first place, learning from it and changing your behaviour/thoughts etc for the better. Doing this means facing triggering issues and confronting outdated beliefs which may be very painful and confusing. Remember; one step at a time.

Taking away stressful situations and people is a good start but eventually, getting back into the world of unpredictable life will require a different mindset and patterns of responses to survive and thrive.

I consider myself in recovery earning that label with hard work, courage, patience, lots of mistakes and learning how to forgive the unforgivable. There's lots more to it, but this is a good start.

If you're still interested, then put your head down, bum up and smile, because you're welcome to join us in our journeys as we join you in yours. We support each other to support ourselves. You'll learn what that truly means if you hang around.

Lovely to meet you;

Sez

[ZiggOh]

Hi Sez,

Thank you so much for replying to this.Your experience sounds almost the same as mine! with the psychosis, sleep deprivation, panic attacks and anxiety. It was really one big whirl-wind of all of those things and also really interesting, I am pretty sure at the time and even now, I referred to my brain as being broken! Because that is how it felt, brain just decided to stop functioning properly! I also felt and still feel it would have been best if I was institutionalised, as I feel that my recovery would have been much more supported and and dealt with adequately that I may not still be in this position now.

I really find it comforting for you to say I am dealing with a damaged nervous system that requires recovering from. As I feel that's what it might be.

You are also correct in saying that I need to delve into why it happened and triggering things to do with all of that and the event itself. This has been the biggest trouble for me, but I guess living this way without delving into those things will actually cause the most trouble. I also appreciate you saying to take away stressful situations and people.

Today I mentioned to my workplace for the first time about my issues and asked to work less and they were very supportive, I am not sure why I haven't opened up about it before, I guess I also have a lot of shame attached to it. I do find my a lot of my family members to cause a lot of stress for me, so maybe withdrawing from them for a short time to get myself in order might be good. I have also queried about another mental health plan, which I am still finding the confidence to commit to as in the past I only have been able to commit to a few sessions and then I quit.

Thank you again for the kind words and I am happy to share experiences and happy to support yourself and others while also getting support for myself 🙂

Zig.

[baet123]

Hello Zigg0h,

Welcome to the forums and awesome username! Love it!

Thanks for sharing your story with us and you will find the website is a great resource. Share as much or as little as you want and it may be a good idea as you have been doing to read other people's posts and their situation and see if you can benefit what others have written and advised.

I am sorry to hear that you have been doing it tough the last few years but am also very pleased and encouraged that over the last year things seem to be looking up for you which is amazing. That is all on you my friend and you should be proud. Keep going!

Are you seeing any health professionals for your condition?

Hope this helped.

Please keep me posted.

All the best,

Baet123

[Just Sara]

Hey again Zig;

I'm so glad you responded with such openness. Sometimes people don't write back; it's something I've always had trouble dealing with. I want people to get it you know. But some take longer than others. Just the way it is..

OMG, listen to me carry on. Today's a big one for me. I won't be able to write much ok. I just wanted to respond to let you know I care.

I'm glad you felt confident enough to tell work about your disorder and ask for support. How brave you are. I'm also very happy they responded well as some employers don't.

Yes, we do seem to have some similarities in our brokenness hey. It's bitter sweet knowing this. On one hand it means you're not the only one, but then I wouldn't want my worst enemy to experience that sort of helplessness either.

Anytime you have questions or are confused about the why's and what for's, please let me know. I'm reducing my hrs online so will only be checking in once a day. I'll keep an eye out for you ok. I'm staying with you until you don't need me anymore alright?

One last question before I go; the language you use isn't gender specific, would you like to keep it that way or identify as male, female or other? Don't worry, this happens a lot.

So I'll leave you to it tonight. Please join in on other threads if you're up to it. This online community is pretty amazing. Moreso now you're in it! 🙂

Take care;

Sez

*Shout-out to Baet123 too. I've seen you round the traps helping out where you can. What a legend! x

[ZiggOh]

Hi Baet123 & Sez,

Baet123- I am not currently seeing anyone besides my GP however, they have just referred me to a psychologist but unfortunately that psych isn't free until mid-november so I will need to wait until then for more help. Thanks for the positivity about being where I am being due to myself!! Sometimes I oversee the good things so that was nice to say.

Sez- I am a female! I did not mean to write in a gender-less way, but I am kind of happy I can do that! Your support is so fantastic and the only thing I can offer you is my support back. I am feeling good at the moment, with one less day at work a week, my illness out in the open at work (at least to the managers that count!), good support from my boyfriend and also feeling positive to commit to psychological treatment come my appointments in November. I am just worried I wont be able to stick to them. In the past I have commited to about 3 and then stopped going. I think my anxiety stems from my distance childhood, so I think having those things brought up again will be hard. I also think I am just scared of feeling those emotions/being uncomfortable with my emotions and feelings etc etc.

I am changing medication at the moment so I was hoping to see a psychologist during this time, but I think seeing my GP and writing here will be helpful.

Hope you are having a good day today. If there is any questions you want to ask me or any venting you need to do, just write here 🙂

[baet123]

Hey Zig,

I think your on the right track. I would consider seeing a psychologist (10 sessions free with a mental health place from your GP) and also a psychiatrist. You can see the psychologist more often but see a psychiatrist regarding the treatment of your condition with medication. A two pronged approach like this worked for me so why not for you too???!!!!

Keep up the good work. It is always good to be humble and oversee a lot of the good things we do but a bit of self-acknowledgement is great.

Please keep us posted on your progression and have a great week.

Nick.

*Sara, your pretty awesome too and an inspiration to me and many others.

[Just Sara]

Hey Z-girl, you don't have to give me anything in return ok. I do this because I care and know supporting peers works. Big thankyou for the offer though. 🙂

Shout-out Nick; thanks for the rap also. Champs rock!! (Congrat's too btw!)

So Ziggy, I agree with Nick that a psychiatrist is handy to review medication and provide a formal diagnosis. It's not so much about the label as it is for you to understand what's happening in your brain and body. Personally, I was relieved there was a name for what I had and could then research the in's and out's of my disorder.

Everyone's different; some don't want to know and some really need to know because they've been on Dr Google self diagnosing and self medicating. Then there's peep's like me with a non responsive GP who I had to beg for a referral to a psychiatrist.

I say this a lot; please take a proactive role with professionals. If your gut tells you they're off the mark, say so and discuss it; they're not Gods. If you don't feel comfortable doing this, call in here and discuss it with us.

I think you're doing great! You seem practical, enthused and realistic. They're wonderful qualities to have for the journey.

I'd love to follow how you're travelling along your path too. Big shame about the psych visit in Nov. I hope they can accommodate a good routine for therapy sessions. It's important to establish a report and eventually a successful relationship. Many people talk about going thru quite a few therapists before finding the right one; me included. Wishing you best of luck there..

Take care hun;

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[ZiggOh]

Hi Sez,

Thought I would touch base again here. So I clearly have an aversion to in real life counselling and psychologists as I have cancelled my appointments. But I have found good relief in an app called Better Help which has an online counselling. I feel this is helpful for me as sometimes when I see professionals in person "I seem fine" but with this app I can write to the counsellor in the moment while I am going through the emotion it also means no waiting around in clinical rooms, and having anxiety about having an appointment with someone. No I am not selling this app but the online counselling has helped me. I have also started seeing a doctor of Chinese medicine for an alternative route for now!

I have come off my antidepressants maybe 6 weeks ago? and feeling quite low mood and avoid ant of work at the moment. But of course the avoidance of work only feels good for a little while before the worry sets in. I might see how I go for another 2-4 weeks and if I feel I need to be on an antidepressant, I might try a new one. But again, I feel bad about being on medication, I wish I could be medication free.

Sorry for all this dross! But just thought I would touch base as I am not in the best headspace again 😉