My Girlfreind has anxiety and recently imploded

[Ghostnet]

Hey there my girlfriend suffers from anxiety. recently we had a trip planned for March going Queensland to Sydney-I had bought tickets to the an opera. She had an anxiety attack one night about COVID and what happens if lockdown hits while we are there and text me at 4am in the morning to say she wanted to cancel. I visited her that morning-no arguments and I said lets just wait until closer to the event. I mentioned alternative like flying out , driving out and such if something happened. I went to work-that was a Wednesday and by Friday had not heard from her so I text as we were supposed to go out that night and she said she was going out by herself and would call-no call but a goodbye its been a good two years text and its over. I went to see her and I have never seen her in this state. Angry and rude and basically how dare i not be concerned about her anxiety and then unloaded on every little inconsequential and trivial thing that and ever happened in two years that I had done (even having a 2 hour swim at the beach-crazy stuff)-it was a side of her i had never seen and she was in a high state of aggression and abuse? I left shattered as nothing had every indicated this level of uncharacteristically hate and insults. All this a month after Christmas where her card red 'our second christmas and many more to come." I have been shattered for the last two weeks and di not see any of this comings as it was basically bliss. can anxiety make a person lose control and take it out on someone close to them-I am quite confused and at this point in time I am of limits for any conversation or explanation? All this because in her head I wasn't compassionate enough about her anxiety attack? Is this something that high anxiety may cause a person to do? lash out.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Ghostnet,

I feel for you very much. I'm the anxiety-sufferer who puts my husband through hell. I've tried explaining my situation to him but I found he "wasn't compassionate enough". I just wanted him to "ride it out" with me when I get an anxiety attack. He said he cannot give me the emotional support I was after if he cannot fix my problem. It sounds insensitive but later he explained he just feels helpless that there's nothing he can do. When I'm in the middle of an anxiety attack, my head is in a mess full of negative thoughts and I'm just not myself. But once the episode is over, a heavy load has been lifted and I can carry-on as normal again .... until the next anxiety attack. It can be a vicious cycle. I do feel bad putting my husband through so much crap over and over again. Your girlfriend may be going through the same thing. Maybe she just needed time for the overwhelming-feelings to pass? Has she contacted you ever since?

I've read it's not unusual that we lash out to our closest-and-dearest. We need to keep our composure at work, so it's not like we would take it out on our boss or colleagues.

Anxiety is not rational. I think it does take a fellow sufferer to truly understand.

Let me know how things go!

[Ghostnet]

Hey there Amanda2000,

Thanks a great deal for helping me understand a few things. I have also been going to some councilling where it was explained to me how the anxiety suffer sees the situation. Boy I wish I knew what I knew now about 4 weeks ago! My response should not have been to push with the trip however it was presneted, knowing that it was the source of her anxiety attack. I just didnt understand or recognise the correct response. Anyway time will tell if she makes contact again as she has indicated after gettings some"air" All a little sad for me at the moment when every indication was things were fine. cheers and thanks

[memorytrap]

As someone from the other side of the fence, control is a big thing for some anxiety sufferers. Control of our environment, time and well-being can be deep-seated, and it can be easy for these to feel threatened. At the core of severe end are heightened fight or flight responses, for myself in particular I also have paranoia, so it's easy for me to feel like I'm being attacked and my control is being undermined if my boundaries are pushed. I've responded to people the same way as her many times. I hope things work out and you get a chance to talk to her again.