Marriage Anxiety

[Live_in_the_Now]

This is my first time posting on an online forum, I need support.

The wedding is around the corner and for the last 2 months I've felt very high anxiety levels.

To give you some background, myself and my fiance have had a amazing relationship for the last 3 years, I understand him and who he is in a special way and he understands me the same. When we first met, it was like I was swept off my feet, I was never looking for a relationship but there he was, it was like he was sent to me for a reason, like it was fate. As the relationship continued, I learnt his flaws and he learnt mine, I get angry, I can be patronising, and can get closed off sometimes, he can be sensitive, emotional and rude. However we both recognise our flaws and are working on being better people to others and to each other. Like any relationship, we have been through ups and downs, however I've never seen any 'red flags' in 3 years. We've travelled, laughed, cried, felt the good times and the bad together, we are best friends.

I believe what I'm going through right now is something like marriage anxiety. I've felt extremely overwhelmed by the entire wedding planning process and thought of being married. I recognise that my mind is playing tricks, I catastrophise, I think extremely negative thoughts like "what if I run away" "what if I dont love him", "what if our marriage fails", and this snow ball effect has caused severe panic attacks.

I feel like I lost trust in myself, I lost trust in my judgement, I feel like am so nervous about the change that is going to happen in my life, that I am avoiding it at all costs. I feel like because I lost trust in myself, I lost trust in my partner because I lost trust in myself. I feel the 'fight or flight' response in my blood and I feel like running - but I dont know where I am running or who I am running with or what the running is going to fix. I feel so alone yet I have so much support around me, my fiance is dealing with this situation so well. I feel so numb to the point where I am creating terrible stories in my mind just to feel something. I tell myself "ok go, run, cancel the entire wedding" or " you never really loved him" or "you're going to get a divorce", but I feel nothing .... I feel so numb that I dont even know what I feel!! I am so desperate to feel something, anything!!

I am feeling completely confused, as what I am feeling is the complete opposite of the evidence of my relationship for the last 3 years.

Help

[Teacher9]

I think most people have some or all of these thoughts at some point during the whole wedding planning phase. It's completely natural to feel confused and overwhelmed and then you start doubting yourself and the relationship.

Wedding planning is highly stressful;more so for the woman! trust me once the wedding has come and gone you will laugh at how your feeling now. I felt the same way and just wish i didn't worry so much and enjoy the day more.

Take time out from wedding stuff and just spend time talking to your fiance, tell him exactly what you wrote above. Take advantage of people helping you and just kick back a bit more, because overthinking things is the worst feeling and can take a strain on relationships. I'm sure your fiance knows you well enough to know how your feeling to some extent, so just let him know the full extent so your not feeling alone and he can better understand mood swings etc.

Hopefully it's not a long engagement!! 😉 Good luck

[Live_in_the_Now]

Dear Teacher.... I can't tell you how much better it feels to hear that people go through the same thoughts and feelings.

I guess I worry that I am going through it a lot worse than a 'normal' person, but then I think to myself I'm only human.

It would be good to hear your experience........

[YellowPoppy]

Hi live in the now,

I can relate to the feeling numb and not knowing what I'm feeling. I have a large print out of an emotion wheel that I sometimes use to try and understand what's going on. When I find that too overwhelming I write downy thoughts and usually by the time I stop writing I have some clarity.

I can also relate to the doubting my feelings for my partner, I have been experiencing that recently and it's so terrifying.

I wish you the very best of luck and I hope the special day turns out well for you.