Job is giving me anxiety - what to do?

[real_name_hidden]

I posted in a couple of other threads but I decided to start a new one so I can get my thoughts together.

I started my career as an engineer. I did that for 7 years, then became a project manager of engineering projects. I have been doing that for 9 years. I have been in my current job for 1 year. I started my current job after my company made my previous role redundant in a restructure, and they redeployed me into this role. I moved from a project manager role in a sector that I had lots of experience in, to a project manager role in a sector I have no experience in.

I think I have felt anxiety to some degree during my entire career, but it has been really bad since the start of 2020. I don't have experience in the sector that I'm now working in, and I'm supposed to manage people doing work that I have no understanding of. The company restructure that led to me changing sectors stripped the expertise needed to get work done. Many times I have asked for a resource to do certain tasks, and the response has been 'Joe Bloggs used to do that, but he was made redundant so now it's the the project manager's job.' I don't have the expertise to do what's required, so I feel like I'm being set up for failure. My workload is too big for me to manage, and I'm falling further and further behind. I've spoken to my manager about the issues I'm facing on my projects, said they will take time to resolve, and asked to renegotiate deadlines. His response has been along the lines of 'Oh, you can still meet the deadline. It won't take as long as you say to resolve the issue.' My manager is disconnected from reality and has no appreciation for the effort actually required to get something done, and doesn't want to listen when I try to explain it to him. So I have been working under immense pressure.

I have been having stomach cramps that make me run to the toilet 3-4 times a day, and I often feel like vomiting.

I have spoken to a psychologist and she said I don't have mental health issues. She said I need to find a job that suits my personality.

[real_name_hidden]

I want to quit my job. I feel like if I quit then my problems will go away, but I know I'd really just be trading one set of problems (misery caused by stressful job) for another set of problems (unemployment, no money, job hunting). Also, I have changed companies twice during my project management career, hoping the next one would be better. The only time things were actually better was the second time I change companies, into the role that I was made redundant from. There were still problems and stressful times but I had a supportive manager so that made all the difference.

I am trying to hang on until Feb-2021. That's when my current list of projects are due to finish their current phase so I can at least have some achievements to point to. If things haven't improved by then, I hope I can give myself permission to leave, even without another job lined up.

I know this is a very long post, so thanks to anyone who has made it this far.

[posvibe]

Hi real_name_hidden,

First of all, well done for reaching out.

If you have felt anxiety throughout your entire career as you have said then you have suffered from anxiety.

With this I would recommend that you get a second opinion from another psychologist to get a fresh perspective on your situation. They might be able to offer you some guidance and specific tips with dealing with the anxiety that is controlling your life and also may have a different opinion on your mental health.

I am all for communication- especially in stressful environments like workplaces, and it sounds like your manager isn't understanding how you are truly feeling. Instead of expressing your concerns about not meeting a deadline because its almost impossible, maybe talk about the feelings you are experiencing in relation to that deadline (the anxiety).

If you cannot meet these deadlines, or if meeting these deadlines means that you are sacrificing your mental health then I think communicating this directly to your boss could be an option worth pursuing.

In terms of you wanting to quit the current job you are in, is it because you do not like the job or is it because the way it makes you feel in terms of being anxious etc? If it is due to the way it causes you to be anxious I think directly stating this to your boss could open up some opportunities to possibly change your workload, or at the very least open a dialogue on the issue which in itself can be very helpful.

One key tip from this that I would recommend: Don't ever put your mental health second.

I hope this was of some assistance to you. Keep going, it sounds like you have a very strong drive in wanting to achieve things but just make sure you look after yourself at the same time. You cant succeed if you don't look after yourself its that simple.

Keep well.

[real_name_hidden]

Hi posvibe,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I truly appreciate it.

I have spoken to my boss about how stressed I have been feeling. He seemed to understand at the time and asked how he could help. I asked him to attend some meetings with me where I expected things to get tense, such as meetings with contractors who are not meeting their deadlines and therefore making me unable to meet mine, or speaking to specific people who are telling me certain things are not their job, when my boss says those things ARE their job. He didn't do what he said he would. He didn't attend my meetings because his other meetings ran overtime. For the things that other people told me are not their job, he backflipped and said those people don't know how to do that task, and told me I should do them because I would do a better job.

In terms of wanting to quit my job, I'm trying to work out if it's the job of a project manager I don't like, or if it's the environment I'm working in. On one hand I don't think my personality is suited to being a project manager, being the one in charge and responsible for everything that happens, yet with little control over the people doing the job. On the other hand I wonder it's my workplace that is dysfunctional, and maybe in a different place I would feel differently. I'm so confused I can't tell what's what right now.

[posvibe]

Hi real_name_hidden,

Apologies for the late reply! I hope you are feeling a little better this week...

It sounds like to me that your boss wants and tries to understand how you are feeling but is failing to follow through such as not supporting you at meetings etc. I think it is great that you are communicating your feelings to them, but it is very unfortunate that they are backflipping and not being there for you when you truly need it.

Have you mentioned this frustration to your boss? I understand that you have told them about the stress- what about the stress of them not following through with their support when the time comes?

Maybe you could now approach your boss in this manner to try and get them to understand that you are not only stressed daily with your job but more-so you need their support to be able to do it. You could approach the situation now with not just your feelings but also your desired results that you want from them. Make it clear that they are the solution some of your issues at work.

In relation to not knowing what you know/want at the moment- that is perfectly normal and OK.

Not knowing is not a bad thing and in time it should become clear to you on what you want. Do not be afraid to think a bit deeper about it all whilst putting yourself first.

Keep well.

[BeADodo]

Hi, I visited this post as I feel like I’m getting anxiety from my job too.

Reading your reply, I was confused - Your boss thinks you would do a better job on something than the people who are responsible for that task? I would ask your boss what makes him think you would do it better, if you don’t feel like you are experienced enough in that area to do the work? Maybe he has a different perspective that might help you feel more confident? Sometimes you don’t need the technical experience if you have the skills to coordinate and organize people around a goal. Everyone’s cup of experience juice is empty, before it’s filled, so I wouldn’t feel bad about that.

I’m a software engineer of 17 years. I’ve had periods in the 4 jobs I’ve had where I’ve felt like I could never get another job, where I was so stupid I couldn’t do something so basic (imposter syndrome). I feel like a lack of positive feedback/encouragement seems to introduce this feeling for me in each workplace I’ve been at, as well as disagreements with management when they aren’t even open to compromise.

I’m not sure what it’s like in engineering, but in software there are so many disciplines, you cannot possibly know everything, the experience of mastering one or two areas is enough to know you can master another area given time.

On the subject of changing jobs, ultimately, it’s your decision. I have changed jobs 3 times to 3 different companies, but not really changed my specialization.

The first time, I changed it based on emotion after mass redundancies (I was spared).

The second time, it was due to multiple disagreements with management over a year and a half, and I could tell they did not care about employee happiness because we had churned 60 people in the 4 years I was there.

From my experience, most workplaces are partially dysfunctional. My

brain seems ripe to find those things that it thinks are dysfunctional and focus on them to the exclusion of other good things (pay, people, security, lifestyle). I try to never make a decision while I’m anxious or stressed, and only after seeing if there’s a lesson I can learn. I’ve wanted to leave my job for 2 years, but I’ve kept finding lessons - eg dealing with execs that are incompetent, training new people, get people to understand my point better etc

In regards to “little control over people doing the job”, the lesson I’d be wanting to figure out is how can I make them want to do their job better — If you wanted to keep doing PM work

[real_name_hidden]

It was good to get some different perspectives from the replies.

I agree most workplaces are partially dysfunctional. They are probably all dysfunctional but in different ways. It's a matter of what kind of dysfunction each person can put up with and finding somewhere with dysfunctions that don't bother them.

And like BeADodo my brain is also very good at focusing on the dysfunctions rather than the good.

Anyway, after a long think I made the decision to resign from my job and I've done so. I felt as though I'd had enough conversations with my boss about how I was feeling and asking for support, without things changing. I figured feeling ill from stress each day is my body's way of telling me something's not right, the job's not right for me, and I listened to it.

Now that the decision has been made I feel good. I had an interview for another job today. It's another project management and engineering job, in the sector that I have lots of experience in. Being invited to an interview gave me confidence that I'm employable, but going through the interview process made me realise I need to do some deep thinking about what I want. I have the luxury right now (enough savings, supportive partner) to take some time and find a job that I want rather than accepting a job because I tick their boxes and it will look good on my resume.

So that's where I am now. There will probably be days when I think 'Oh my god, what have I done?!' but right now I feel good.

BeADodo, you mentioned you felt like you were getting anxiety from your job. I hope things have been better for you this past week.