Going out of my mind with health anxiety - weight loss & death

[distelfink]

Hey...

so, I actually only find myself at these forums when I need comfort. It’s been a little while and I’ve been doing well.

I’ve recently lost close to 18kgs - by trying, not because of anything sinister. Was super happy, going great. Im quite big, so any loss is wonderful. I started noticing change sin my body - as you do. Except, I felt a bit too hard and felt a lump kind of on my left side but more just under my rib cages (in that fatty area)

Rationally I know it’s fat, and there’s some on the right side, but the left side is what I’ve focussed on again. So now, I’m that area, I feel like I can feel something wrong. I’m very gassy - as in, it gurgles and feels like bubbles, rarely any pain but when there’s pain, it’s gas.

I’m constantly focussed on it, so hyper aware that I feel things now on the same side but on my back. It tingles, it bubbles, it feels tight and also feels heavy. So when I lay on my tummy, it feels as if there’s something there.

UNTIL I DONT THINK OF IT.

If I’m distracted or with friends, 9/10 I feel not a thing. Can go for hours with nothing. I wake up with nothing until my brain tries to see if it’s still there.

i straight away go to cancer. Every time.

i have pushed so hard on that side to try and feel anything, done it to the other side too, and it all feels exactly the same.

if I left my shirt, I feel nothing. Miraculously.

its like I’m so hyper aware that I’m feeling every tiny thing.

i went away recently, and it felt like it started to go. I came back and I was doing okay and then on Sunday (a week ago) my work bestie/mate passed away, and let me tell you. My anxiety is through the roof.

im so scared to see a doctor. The first thing they say is about my weight but then also I’m scared of the testing.

it feels like gas. The fat lumps I feel have been there the whole time but now I feel them more because of the weight loss. That’s when it all started.

blurgh. I’m so over this.

[Tugboat]

Hello,

God damn health anxiety hey! I suffer with it and have had the dreded C all over my body, well I always think I have had! ATM I am anxious ( very very anxious) waiting for my Mammogram results to come back, it’s just a routine check however I am beside myself that they will find something! As much as I hate having to go the Dr I always do to help relief the mind of what it could be! Great job loosing all that weight ❤️

[sunnyl20]

Hey,

I'm really sorry you are experiencing so much anxiety, it sounds like it is very distressing & really having an impact on your life. Anxiety can be so debilitating when it takes over. I can relate a little bit in terms of assuming the worst. I understand that you are scared to see a doctor, and it must be frustrating when you feel like there is too much focus on your weight & that you are not being listened to, which then makes it more difficult to go back. But if you found someone who was willing to listen to you, do you feel like maybe it may be helpful to share what's been happening & talk to a doctor/clinician about what has been going on? You know your self & your body better than anyone & if you feel like there is something going on, I would really encourage you to reach out for support, especially as it is causing you so much rumination & stress. It may not solve the issue immediately, but it might help you to feel more in control of the situation if you are able to get support. It is great to hear that you felt things were going really well for you not that long ago - I hope that you are able to get back to that soon & have hope for the future.

Take care.

[distelfink]

Thanks so much for your comfort.

its stupid because if I move my shirt, I suddenly cannot feel it. Or the feelings I can feel, feel like gas. But no, in my head, that’s the big C. I’ve had it similar before and I’ve had the saaaame anxiety following.

I am working up to seeing a doctor just for peace of mind - even though I feel like I know it’s gas and anxiety. 😫