Intrusive thoughts, what do I do?

[sar3658]

Hello

I am a 17 year old girl and have been suffering extreme anxiety for the past few months that has come out of nowhere. Always been anxious person growing up but it seems my mind has just taken over.

I started to believe I was going insane with depersonalisation and my thoughts constantly told me that I was insane and the world was not real. I started to research on intrusive thoughts and OCD and found that it is common for people to have sexual thoughts about family members. I read this and was so shocked this was happening to some people but over the course of a couple of days I couldnt help but think if I start thinking about that stuff. So of course my mind started thinking those things to the closest person in my life, my mum. This is the hardest thing to write because I've never experienced anxiety so bad. This happened about 4 weeks ago and was put on medication by my GP although haven't told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. While my anxiety died down a lot for about 2 weeks I started getting very anxious again about week 3 of the tablets and of course the intrusive thoughts have come back bad. I can't even sleep at night and I feel like I can't come back from this and I'm so scared to seek help from a psychologist because I am 17 and what if they think I have a very bad home life and need to speak with my mum or anyone else about what I'm going through.

Family is the most important thing in my life and I'm so close with everyone, have had such a good upbringing and love them so much especially my mum she is my best friend and it gives me such severe anxiety as to why I am thinking these things. Even when these thoughts cross my mind and my anxiety doesn't get too bad I start to question whether I'm getting used to this way of thinking and if I'll start to like the thoughts which gives me even more anxiety. Honestly I don't know what to do 😞

[Summer Rose]

Hi again

Like you, my daughter had very disturbing intrusive thoughts but they started at age 13. I don't want to betray my daughter's trust by revealing them here, but please know that they were similar to yours in the context of being shocking and shameful to my daughter.

OCD is common. Close to 3 per cent of people in Australia experience OCD in their lifetime. OCD can occur at any time during your life and children as young as six or seven may have symptoms, although symptoms seem to develop fully for the first time in adolescence. I would bet there are kids at your high school who have OCD. Their thoughts may be like yours or different but they are all disturbing. You are really not alone.

Do write your thoughts down and bring them to your appointment to give to your psychologist. It's normal to be scared. But I really want to assure you that it will be okay.

[Kyliec36]

I totally understand about the intrusive thoughts.

I am 36 and have had them since I was 18.

they are a nightmare.

I'm trying too learn the difference between a thought and feeling

Having OCD also means your mind easily plays tricks on you.

It's a hard battle.

One day at a time

The fact you could be so honest with yourself is fantastic.

It's so good too have Support as well.

[MsPurple]

hi sar

I wrote it down and emailed it to them. But I think either giving it before the next session, or if your not comfortable doing that you could give it to them after the session (that would mean though you probably wouldn't talk about it to session 3) . My therapist was really good about it. He baught it up at my next session and was really sensitive about it but also helped me work through it. I was having some issues with food and I couldn't bring it up. It is really good just to tell one person and to talk it through. It is like a weight was lifted. I also worked on how to deal with the intrusive thoughts around food and my issues and how to change the mind through around it to help with it. If I had an intrusive thought around food and he gave me useful strategies on how to work though it to avoid it and actioning the thoughts.

I know it can be scary talking about it with them but I think it will be beneficial. How do you feel about writing it down for them?

[sar3658]

Hi Kylie

I know exactly what you mean about the mind playing tricks on you. It's starting to make me feel insane and that what I'm thinking is not intrusive and that I've always unconsciously wanted these thoughts and I am this type of person. It's hard to explain. I know I truely hate these thoughts but the fact that I can't stop thinking about them makes me question myself and then I fall into a whole where my brain does indeed play tricks on me 😞 I just want to know that what I am going through are intrusive thoughts and OCD and not actual feelings!

I will write down my thoughts to my psychologist. I need to tell her about them in order to help myself? Hopefully I will have the courage to open up about them next session

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar3658

I know what you are going through is extremely difficult. The real Sar3658 would never think those thoughts. You thoughts are definitely not you.

You are doing great and you are on the right track. I think you will feel better sharing your thoughts with your psychologist.

Being aware you are ill is one thing; however, now you need to learn the skills to manage these thoughts. You need to be taught how to get on top of your condition. I know this can be done because I have seen how with proper treatment and support my daughter was able to reach recovery. You are not powerless over your mind with this condition. I trust your psychologist will help you get started soon.

[sar3658]

Hello

i have not posted in here in quite a while as the part few months have been pretty positive in terms of my intrusive thoughts. Although they are still there, the anxiety has not taken over. I have see my psychologist 3 times and and discussed my depersonalisation however am still too ashamed to admit my intrusive thoughts and thought I was getting through them regardless of them still being there.

This was all good until a few nights ago when my anxiety got very bad again when these thoughts popped up. I can’t sleep, eat and haven’t stopped crying I feel like my life is over. I don’t know what to do, I thought I was getting better and now it’s worse. I thought maybe because my medication cycle stuffed up a it over the past few days but I just don’t know. I’m so scared this time feels a lot worse and I don’t know what to do.

[Croix]

Dear Sar3658~

It's good to hear from you, though a pity it is under such circumstances. You mentioned your meds were irregular. If the change in your thoughts happened at the same time there probably is a connection. I guess one has to expect ups and downs, and if the medication is not holding them to a minimum you feel pretty bad.

The first thing to do is have confidence it is only temporary, you improved before and you will again. I know my saying so will not really sink in but having an illness, be it intrusive thoughts, anxiety or diabetes, is never anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is something that may bring sympathy, but more importantly brings action to fix it, whether that is insulin or meds and therapy.

There is no way your psychologist is going to think less of you to know the full story, just adjust treatment to suit. Unfortunately anxiety breeds those thoughts, and reaction to them breeds anxiety, a circle. Please take all the help you can get. It will make your life better quicker. Summer Rose's daughter is a good example.

I'm sorry to keep harping on things, for a change of pace can you talk about things you enjoy doing? I like books, (a lot of fantasy ones like Eragon), plus moves and pets.

Croix

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar3658

I think what's happened to you is quite normal. What my daughter found is that OCD doesn't like to lose. So she would make progress and then it would snap back hard. Or it would pop up in a new and different area of her life.

OCD is tricky. I think you're going to find you go two steps forward and one step back on occasion. And that's okay because slow, steady and persistent wins this battle.

You keep doing what you have been doing. Take your medication. Practice whatever strategies your therapist has given you. Sleep well, eat well and make time for exercise and activities that you enjoy. You stand up to OCD because you can.

Post any time, about anything x

[Cerise547]

Hi sar3658,

I found this thread and was shocked at how similar our situations are. I also have horrible intrusive thoughts, similar to yours. I have been seeing a lovely psychologist for a couple of months now, and I have told her about my anxiety, but I haven't even scraped the surface of my intrusive thoughts. I know that these are intrusive thoughts, not my actual feelings, but one reason why I'm too scared to open up to her is what if she diagnoses it as something else? Something worse? What if it isn't the thoughts, what if it's me? It's so terrifying. I know that I need the help, but it's so scary to think about TELLING someone about someone.

I feel like my mind is constantly battling against me, like it's TRYING to make me feel as bad as possible. I feel ashamed of my thoughts, and at the same time afraid of them. Sometimes it feels like my mind will take whoever or whatever is around me, especially those that I love, and mix them with something awful. Sometimes they make me feel physically ill, or very very anxious. This is especially distressing in public situations. I am quite scared as to how I'm going to manage this, as I'm only 13. Is this going to haunt me forever? Will I need medication? Is this all MY fault? These questions bug me a lot.

I am hoping that things will get easier and that both you and I can open up about our thoughts.

The only words of advice that I have heard so far are to write down your thoughts and experiences, then give it to your psychologist. Then you can get everything out without having to physically say it, and maybe you can convey your emotions better.

I am so happy for you, having gone to see a psychologist. It's a great step forward. I wish you the absolute best for the future, and I really hope that you can overcome this. I know that you have it in you.

Very best thoughts and wishes.

- Cerise547

[sar3658]

Hello I am back and my intrusive thoughts are attacking me again

i know I have asked this so many times but am I insane? I don’t know what to do anymore. My life isn’t even mine I feel like the most ill human being on the planet!

im so upset I honestly don’t know how to come back from this