Intrusive thoughts, what do I do?

[sar3658]

Hello

I am a 17 year old girl and have been suffering extreme anxiety for the past few months that has come out of nowhere. Always been anxious person growing up but it seems my mind has just taken over.

I started to believe I was going insane with depersonalisation and my thoughts constantly told me that I was insane and the world was not real. I started to research on intrusive thoughts and OCD and found that it is common for people to have sexual thoughts about family members. I read this and was so shocked this was happening to some people but over the course of a couple of days I couldnt help but think if I start thinking about that stuff. So of course my mind started thinking those things to the closest person in my life, my mum. This is the hardest thing to write because I've never experienced anxiety so bad. This happened about 4 weeks ago and was put on medication by my GP although haven't told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. While my anxiety died down a lot for about 2 weeks I started getting very anxious again about week 3 of the tablets and of course the intrusive thoughts have come back bad. I can't even sleep at night and I feel like I can't come back from this and I'm so scared to seek help from a psychologist because I am 17 and what if they think I have a very bad home life and need to speak with my mum or anyone else about what I'm going through.

Family is the most important thing in my life and I'm so close with everyone, have had such a good upbringing and love them so much especially my mum she is my best friend and it gives me such severe anxiety as to why I am thinking these things. Even when these thoughts cross my mind and my anxiety doesn't get too bad I start to question whether I'm getting used to this way of thinking and if I'll start to like the thoughts which gives me even more anxiety. Honestly I don't know what to do 😞

[sar3658]

Hi Summer Rose

ive been trying medidiation and going about daily activities. Some times I feel fine although the thoughts are still there I can manage the anxiety. When my anxiety is low it's like my brain thinks "we can find something else" and then I get even further into my thoughts thinking "what if I actually like them?" Which sends me into another anxiety episode where I can't sleep, eat etc and scared to be with my mum in case I can't look at her the same. Honestly so worried at the moment and my thoughts are making me feel like there is actually something wrong with me? 😞

[geoff]

hi Sar, I also have OCD myself and had it for 58 years, but the more you try and stop these 'intrusive thoughts' the longer they will happen, and it doesn't mean that you are a bad person at all, just carry on with what you are doing and they will fade away.

There is lots more to add on to this.

I will continue this as I have to go, sorry. Geoff.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

Sweet girl, there is nothing "wrong" with you.

Picture OCD as a schoolyard bully--I'm sure you've met at least one over the years. A bully likes to mess with you, they persist, they seem to know how to hurt you every time and they don't like to lose. But when you can finally stand up to them, you can prevail. OCD is messing with you. You will learn how to stand up for yourself.

I really need to encourage you to go back to see your GP as soon as you can this week and get the ball rolling towards finding psychological help and perhaps adjusting your medication. You don't have to tell mum all the details, just tell her that it's important and ask her to make the appointment.

It should be enough to explain that you are experiencing unwanted, disturbing thoughts that are scaring you and making it hard to function. Your GP will know what to do. And it's okay, he or she has helped other people just like you, my daughter and Geoff before.

One step at a time, for now let's focus on getting back to the GP and getting the referral you need.

[sar3658]

Thanks so much for your help Summer Rose, I will make an appointment for this week.

Will I have to tell my GP what the thoughts are about? Because I'd rather do that with a psychologist in which I trust.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sar

No, you don't have to tell the GP what the thoughts are about.

The GP may not even ask. But if he/she does ask it will likely be because they think that information can help them make a better referral and because they want to help. Telling the GP you're not ready to talk about the thoughts to him/her is fine. Saying you are experiencing unwanted, disturbing, recurring thoughts, along with the anxiety, tells the GP what he/she needs to know.

My daughter experienced the same fears as you. Your worries and concerns are normal in these circumstances. Please know that you control disclosure--when and to whom is your call. It will be okay.

[sar3658]

Hi Summer Rose, I have taken your advice and booked in an appointment to see my GP this week. I will tell them that I am having disturbing intrusive thoughts that are debilitating however won't be specific.

My brain is now telling me that these thoughts aren't even intrusive anymore but I know they are my head is all over the place at the moment and it seems my medication isn't even helping anymore!

My brain is now telling me I like them and that there is indeed something wrong with me. I read someone once that said if you are having anxiety about your intrusive thoughts it means you definitely don't like them and that they are in fact intrusive. Hopefully the GP and psychologist will help me

[Birdy77]

❤❤❤

Wow the interaction between Sara and Summer Rose ...

So beautiful

❤❤❤

[Croix]

Dear Sar3658~

You are quite right, you worry about them and that is an indication you don't like them at all. Sadly illness makes things much less clear.

I think that illness can take things we quite rightly love or feel strongly about and put them together in a horrible way, this is what causes the distress - that plus the fact they keep on coming. The illness makes you think because these ideas are in your thoughts they are yours. They are not. You are still exactly the same person you were before the thoughts started, and will be again when they are banished.

I found this out when depression told me I was a failure, everything was hopeless and my family did not want me. For me on the inside this seemed logical and true. Later on when I was better I found the illness had put those ideas in my mind. There was not a scrap of truth in them. Things were not hopeless and my family still loved me very much (and still do). I felt 100% better about myself too.

Going to the doctor, or seeing psychologists, or psychiatrists, is not the worry you might think. I've been to many, and have found understanding, comfort and real help. Because you have not been there before it does weigh on the mind.You will be in charge and it will be fine.

You are a sensible and courageous person dealing with a difficult and unpleasant situation.

Croix

[Summer Rose]

Dear Sar3658

I think Croix has hit the nail on the head. Re-read paragraph two of his above post and keep re-reading it every time you feel that worry creep into your mind. He has explained what is happening far better than I ever could. And he is right.

I'm really proud of you for making the appointment with your GP. You are amazing.

What you are planning to tell the GP is perfect. Be sure to ask your GP for what's called a "Mental Health Plan". Do not stress about this document. It is standard paperwork and it is kept confidential. You need it to access Medicare subsidies for your appointments with the psychologist (you will initially be entitled to 10 appointments).

This means Medicare pays a big chunk of the bill and you (or mum) pay the rest. You need to physically take the plan to your first psychologist appointment. The receptionist will liaise with Medicare and from that point the billing/rebate system kicks in.

As soon as you have the referral call to make the appointment with the psychologist, as there is sometimes a wait to get in. You can, however, ask to be put on a "wait" list so that if someone calls to cancel their appointment you might get offered an earlier spot. You will just need to be prepared to drop everything and go on short notice. Or you can ask your GP to help make the first appointment for you. If your GP calls and requests an appointment, as a matter of priority, it could help.

Will mum or dad or a friend be with you at the GP?

[sar3658]

Thankyou so much Croix this has helped a lot. My brain is telling me that I may be secretly liking the thoughts but I know they are wrong to think about and therefore that's the cause of the anxiety. However I know deep down this isn't me and is causing me such severe anxiety because I want to stop thinking like this.

hi Summer rose, the GP and I have discussed going on a mental health plan before so now I think I will. It will be just me at my appointment.