Intrusive thoughts, what do I do?

sar3658 · ‎24-02-2018

Hello

I am a 17 year old girl and have been suffering extreme anxiety for the past few months that has come out of nowhere. Always been anxious person growing up but it seems my mind has just taken over.

I started to believe I was going insane with depersonalisation and my thoughts constantly told me that I was insane and the world was not real. I started to research on intrusive thoughts and OCD and found that it is common for people to have sexual thoughts about family members. I read this and was so shocked this was happening to some people but over the course of a couple of days I couldnt help but think if I start thinking about that stuff. So of course my mind started thinking those things to the closest person in my life, my mum. This is the hardest thing to write because I've never experienced anxiety so bad. This happened about 4 weeks ago and was put on medication by my GP although haven't told anyone about my intrusive thoughts. While my anxiety died down a lot for about 2 weeks I started getting very anxious again about week 3 of the tablets and of course the intrusive thoughts have come back bad. I can't even sleep at night and I feel like I can't come back from this and I'm so scared to seek help from a psychologist because I am 17 and what if they think I have a very bad home life and need to speak with my mum or anyone else about what I'm going through.

Family is the most important thing in my life and I'm so close with everyone, have had such a good upbringing and love them so much especially my mum she is my best friend and it gives me such severe anxiety as to why I am thinking these things. Even when these thoughts cross my mind and my anxiety doesn't get too bad I start to question whether I'm getting used to this way of thinking and if I'll start to like the thoughts which gives me even more anxiety. Honestly I don't know what to do 😞

Summer Rose · ‎25-02-2018

Hi Sar

Good decision with the mental health plan. Good luck with the appointment. You are brave and strong and I know you can do. If you feel like it let us know how you go.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, sweet girl x

sar3658 · ‎11-03-2018

Hello this week I am going to see a psychologist for the first time. The thoughts and anxiety are still here and I'm scared they are never going away and I'm just a "freak" so I'm praying the psychologist will help. I'm still scared she will think I am very very mentally ill and might tell my family. Do you think they will help me? I'm beginning to feel truely disconnected from who I am as a person. The most important thing in my life is my family so I feel like a completely different person with these thoughts 😞

Summer Rose · ‎11-03-2018

Hi Sar3658

I'm really glad that you posted. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing.

You will be okay at the appointment. The psychologist wants to help you and has the skills to help you. Don't forget to take your mental health plan with you. It's normal to be nervous, even scared. Your psychologist understands this and I am certain he/she will do their best to put you at ease.

Yes, I believe things will get better for you. This is a really important first step. Your psychologist will not betray your trust--it would be unethical. Remember: you set the ground rules around privacy and confidentiality at the appointment. Write down your thoughts around this issue before the appointment, just in case you get nervous or forget. You may also write down some questions to ask, like:

Have you treated someone with my particular kind of illness before?
What are all of my treatment options?
In what ways do you think these treatments will help?
What are the best options for me?
When will I feel better? (It’s important to know when your planned treatment is likely to start working. This will help you to know what to expect, and also when to go back to your doctor if the treatment isn't working.)
How often will we meet and for how long?

Believe me when I say that the "real" Sar is there. You are still you. You are not your thoughts and you NEVER will be.

sar3658 · ‎12-03-2018

Thankyou so much Summer Rose, I can't express to you how much your kind words are helping me.

Should I tell the psychologist my thoughts on the first session or wait till the second? I'm very embarassed to share my thoughts and have never told anyone of them so am very scared.

Summer Rose · ‎12-03-2018

It is my pleasure, sweet girl. I feel lucky to have met you, too.

The decision on how much to tell the psychologist is entirely yours. If you feel you need to just get it out, to feel relief and to receive reassurance, then it might be good for you. If you feel that you're not ready, that's okay too. Your psychologist can start helping you immediately, even without the detail of what the thoughts are.

You are smart. The first thing you did when realising you were unwell was to reach out for help. You are strong, as you have made the appointment and you are ready to attend alone. You are brave, sharing your inner most thoughts with me. I have no doubt that you will make the right decision for you on the day.

Do you want to share with me on what day you are seeking the psychologist?

sar3658 · ‎13-03-2018

Hi Summer Rose

Today I had my first appointment. I loved my psychologist she was very friendly however I just felt too embarassed and ashamed to tell her about my thoughts. I want to tell her about them at my next appointment however I'm just so scared she will think I'm insane/psychotic!

What should I do??

Summer Rose · ‎13-03-2018

Good on you, Sar3658! I'm so pleased the session went well.

You say you want to tell your psychologist about your thoughts at your next appointment. I think that if it's what you want, it's a good idea.

Try to put your fear of the psychologist's potential reaction aside because I believe it's irrational and part of your illness. Your psychologist is a highly trained professional. Your thoughts will not shock her. She will not think you insane and/or psychotic. She has no doubt treated others with similar issues. She will help you and I have no doubt that you will receive unconditional support and understanding from your doctor.

If you can't say it aloud, how about you write the thoughts down and give them to the psychologist on paper? How does that solution feel to you? Is that less scary?

MsPurple · ‎13-03-2018

hi sar and summer rose. I thought I'd join this conversation as I myself have some experience with anxiety, depression and intrusive thoughts.

Sar I know what it is like to be scared to tell your therapist some of the thoughts you maybe having. I just to reassure you that it is not you, it is the illness causing you to have these thoughts. I couldn't help the thoughts that would pop into my head. If I could they would occur. But for me talking about them really helped. It helped me understand why I was having those intrusive thoughts and specifically what would trigger them. Some of my intrusive thoughts were to do with self harm. Although I wasn't doing it at the time it was still scary having these thoughts pop into my head randomly.

When I struggled to tell my therapist something I actually emailed it to him. Now this isn't always gonna work, because he is the only one that ever emailed me with links and stuff. But I told him one thing I was doing that I couldn't say in session. He reassured me that this is normal for those with GAD.

Like Summer Rose was saying, they have heard a lot of stuff. It would surprise you that a lot of people are having similar thoughts and issues, but no one seems to be saying them openly so no one is aware how common it is.

I am really glad you got along with your new psychologist. For me it took a few sessions to feel completely comfortable.

sar3658 · ‎13-03-2018

Hi MsPurple and Summer Rose

Thanks for sharing! What if my psychologist hasn't seen a case like this? I'm only 17 so I feel like these thoughts are really concerning. I know intrusive thoughts are common but I feel as if my certain intrusive thoughts aren't especially at my age.

I think writing them down would be a good idea. Do I bring what I have written to my next appointment? Ms Purple, what did your psychologist say to you after you wrote to him? Although I really like my psychologist, I've never had experience in opening up to a stranger and have only expressed my thoughts on this website so I am scared.

geoff · ‎14-03-2018

Hello Sar, firstly you have an illness, as I've said I also have it, but it certainly doesn't make me any weaker than anybody else, who knows the psychologist may also have it.

Please trust me over time they will do either of two things: go away or you will know that any intrusive thought will not happen, that's when you begin to accept them, and once this can happen, they eventually will fade away you will be detracted by something else, but you will be happy to forget that thought, that's exactly when it will disappear.

After 58 years if an intrusive thought comes to mind I can quite easily just let it pop in and then roll out.

My twin doesn't have it and he has never told me off, even when we slept and studied in the same room, it was a long room.

Back in those days, I had no idea it was an illness called OCD, I only found out when one of my sons was diagnosed with it.

to continue. Geoff.