Hi all, I am new to the site so this is my first post.
I am currently 31 and I have found over the last 10 years I have had an increasing fear of socialising with people outside of my family and main friends. I have always struggled to find a sense of my own self worth, which can easily be traced back to the bullying that I had throughout my school life that often made me feel alone, even when amongst my school group.
Initially after leaving school, I had a sense of relief. I went out clubbing, I met new people, asked out girls and have had a couple of relationships. I was still a sensitive guy, but I managed to enjoy those years. Though after the last relationship ended a few years ago now, which was sudden, confusing and with an immediate end to communication, I have had trouble keeping my thoughts positive again. I'm not always down or worried, but the thought of social gatherings always scare me. Which is odd, as the thought of being alone in the future scares me all the same.
I live in a mate I've known since school's house, essentially renting out a room as he works in the mines and he likes someone looking out for the house. There are 2 others guys that live here that I get on with ok. My point to this though is that when they occasional have people over for a house party, or even a couple people for a couple drinks and some pool, I often find myself too nervous to leave my room. It seems to be a mixed fear of how people see me and my inability to easily make small talk.
I'm not sure if I'm asking a question here, or simply getting this off my chest, but I just wish that I could have the confidence and lack of fear to be able to enjoy life more.
Thank you to whoever reads this through.
