Dear IWantToFeelBetter
Welcome to the forum and thank you for posting.
You have described how many people feel or have felt in the past and that includes me. We cannot escape our own feelings but others can hide their feelings from us and everyone else. You may well find if you asked a friend how you appeared the friend would be surprised and say you were OK. We are very good at hiding our emotions.
It does sound as though you need some help with these intrusive thoughts and feeling you are going crazy. Tears and headaches, feeling lost and unable to cope are sadly very real emotions which are difficult to handle. I had no idea what was happening to me and quite frankly I was scared. What if I become crazy. For me it was a major depression. This may be why you feel so unwell but not necessarily so.
Have you had a chat with your GP? I say this because you may be physically unwell and need treatment. Usually it's a lot easier than being depressed. It's always a good idea to check out the possible reasons. Once you know what's happening you can concentrate on getting well. I doubt you are turning into a psychopath. If this was the case you would not be concerned about it.
Beyondblue has a lot of information about anxiety and depression which may help you to read. Go to The Facts tab at the top of the page and explore from there. I also suggest you complete the K10 checklist and take it to your GP when you go. It's not a diagnostic tool but can help you focus on how you feel etc. A useful starting place and will give your GP some good information.
It took me a while to accept I was depressed and then I thought if I had some medication I would get better in a few days and all would be well. Unfortunately it was not a physical illness and did not respond to meds quickly. Oh dear.
You said you don't understand how to deal with this and it is hard to get your head round the whole thing. Have your chat and see what your GP suggests. It's also useful if you talk with a family member or friend. Do you have someone who will listen to you without trying to tell you what to do or tell you to get your act together. These are not helpful comments so pick who you tell carefully. The advantage is that having someone to talk to can take some of the pressure off you and help you to manage.
What do you think? Come and talk some more. We have all been where you are now and offer you support.
Mary
