I'm still not better - 18 months later.

[DBoo]

I had what I can only describe as a breakdown 18 months ago. It was work related on a number of levels: bullying, assault, and general disfunction and incompetence from higher management.

I worked hard to get back to myself - medication, psychological, and psychiatric help. I started a new job 6 months ago, and while I like the work, the people, and have achieved a high level of competence, I find myself stressed to the point of tears every few weeks. The most difficult part of this is feeling as though I have not come as far as I thought.

I guess I feel like I am permanently maimed. Like I won't ever be fully ok. I'm having anxiety now over "ruining my reputation " at my new job. I feel conspicuous, and like I am the problem child. 😢

[BballJ]

Hi DBoo,

I am sorry to read what you are currently going through. Your last workplace sounded like it really took a toll on you, well done for getting new employment which by what you wrote sounds like it has been good. May I ask what has been causing these feelings to come on and making you cry every few weeks? What happened that made you feel like your reputation has been ruined?

Please, post back as much as you like, we are always happy to talk.

My best for you,

Jay

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi DBoo,

Thanks for your post. It sounds like you've come so far since 18 months ago, and I really applaud you for delving in deep with meds and therapy. That's a big step! I'm sorry though that you're feeling like you haven't come that far - even saying that you're maimed (or damaged).

The thing is though - you have come so far. It's impossible to ignore the fact that you've done some hard work. You've explored medication and gone to therapy. This is not an easy thing to do.

I'm wondering if you can liken it to a person who is obese. For the first time - they go to a dietician and do some exercise. They lose weight and they're feeling so much better in themselves. But then suddenly - they start eating too much again. This is exactly what can happen when we go through therapy. Does it mean that they didn't lose weight? No! Does it mean the work didn't matter? No! Because even though they might feel like they're failing again, they still did the work. They still know the strategies and tools to feel better. Their weight isn't permanent, just like our moods aren't either.

Can you tell us more about what's happening with the job? What do you think is bringing on all this stress?

[DBoo]

Thank you both for your comments. It's interesting that you make the comparison with obesity. For me I've always compared it to asthma. If someone had a bad lung infection, and then following that traumatic illness, even though they are better, they still get asthma. A simple cold that would be an annoyance to someone else, may be a serious illness to an asthmatic.

I like the people I work with, and I like my role at work. It's mostly customer service, and that's where my strengths lie. It's almost all customer interaction, in a multitasking capacity. I'm an upbeat, high energy worker even on a "low" day. What seems to "break through my defences" is when I know I am doing a good job - better than most, and for some reason unrelated to my actual performance, I am treated unjustly. For example: a manager doesn't take a call, and the customer blames me. If that complaint goes to head office, do you think the manager is going to step up a take responsibility?

I did have a much better day today, but I worked very consciously on directing my thoughts in a positive manner. I asked more directly for responses from coworkers, and when I did not get them, I just continued on the best I could.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi DBoo,

Thanks for your post and good to hear back from you again.

I hope the comparison came across well! My aim there was to show you that even though you feel like you haven't come as far as you've thought, you've probably come further than you realise. I do completely agree with your comparisons as well.

I can see how that would be stressful! I can relate to a lot of what you've described, and I'm sure others could too. I worked for an admin at a Government health centre. I was on my own most of the time, but I had no control over the systems/policies/paperwork. So this would mean I would get all of the complaints and difficulties even though it was never my responsibility. Sounds like this is a little like what's happening with you as well? Do your colleagues feel the same?

I like that you're trying to direct your thoughts more positively. That's a great step! How do you do that? One thing that I used to do a lot is call myself out on the good work I did. Even if nobody acknowledged it.

Another alternative could be to have a chat to your manager about how you feel. It could be a conversation as simple as 'hey, I'm having a tough time at work and I would really appreciate it if you could make a note to give me some positive feedback when you see it'. This may or may not be for you; although note that people appreciate each other in different ways. If your manager sees you doing a great job, it may not come to them to call it out and let you know.

and finally... what is your wind-down routine after work? I ask this because I know how easy it is personally to 'take work with you'. Especially if we've had an awful customer interaction. Finding ways that you can wind down, relax and boost your mood can help you be more resilient.

Hope this helps 🙂