Overthinking - Heres my current situation

[Guest_843]

Hi there,
This is a bit ridiculous but its casing me so much stress

Heres a backstory,
So back in year 3 this girl lets call her A, A used to apparently talk about me behind my back, didn't think much of it and since then we have been in classes together, partners in cooking and she sits with my group of friends at recess currently. In June 2016 she unfollowed me on Instagram (wow yes I know thats ridiculous), anyway since then I've always been second guessing stuff she does like if i walk past her and i hear her laugh I always think its about me and stuff like that. One time I thought she was laughing about me when i walked past but I found out later she actually wasn't laughing about me, she mentioned the situation to a group of people my sister was sitting with and my sister realised it wasn't about me and said to A (oh My sister (me) thought you were laughing at her ) which A was not laughing at me. That was the only time 2 years ago that she found out I sometimes question if she's talking about me or not.

Anyway I haven't questioned anything she's done since the end of last year, until Saturday.

I was scrolling through facebook and A had commented on one of those funny posts tagging one of her friends in it.
The post said:

When someone you hate is breathing

Immediately I think this is about me
and when someone you hates breaths what does that even mean you want them to stop breathing? and what die ?

(i don't know thats a bit of a stretch) oops

anyway As friend that was tagged in the when someone you hate breaths post mentioned something about her brother
which made me think that maybe A, tagged her friend in that because her friend has experienced something like that before like because As friend mentioned her brother.

the post was not posted by A she must of just found them and thought they were relatable to her and her friend so she tagged her friend in it and the post was posted last year i just found it last week.

My sister says its absolutely not about me and that A wouldn't even think of me or I wouldn't even come to her mind or her friends mind when she tagged her friend in this post or any for that matter

All the posts A has ever liked, tagged people have never raised any concern just this one

But i can't shake the feeling that this isabout me, Its like an elephant is sitting on my chest. Its almost like i know but I also don't.

Do you think its just the anxiety talking?
Sorry this is so long I wanted to get it all out

[Guest_843]

Also why do I keep thinking this is about me when I've been wrong like everytime before, for some reason I thought her unfollowing me on instagram sparked something then i saw everything differently but i guess may e it didn't .

My sister is trying to say that A wants nothing to do with me ( not in a bad way, just in like she doesn't think about me all the time and she wouldn't think about me in a post like this ) its just so hard to realise that i guess because i still feel the post A tagged her friend in is about me

[PamelaR]

Hello Elle.

Good to see you have found your way to the Beyond Blue forums. There are many supportive people on the forums who will respond. I'm just one of these people.

You don't say how old you are but I suspect your still quite young. It's sad to hear that you feel like A is talking about you all the time. It sounds like your sister however is trying to convince you this isn't so. My thoughts are - something happened between you and A a long time ago and your mind is reminding you of this all the time. It makes it like you can't trust her anymore. Maybe try to remember what happened. Can you ask your sister or your mother?

If you are still at school - is there a school counsellor you can see to discuss your ongoing thoughts? My thoughts are you need to talk with someone about this - other than just your sister. How's your relationship with your parents?

Those stories we tell ourselves (I do it all the time) can be detrimental to our ongoing health. Especially stories that are not true. I'm a great one for making up stories that have no basis of fact. You might like to ask me - why do we do it? Perhaps because of how we feel about ourselves - we don't like or love ourselves enough to think people would talk about us in positive ways. Part of my own ongoing life is - to change the stories in my head, from negative to positive. It's not a easy task, but I continue to try. My husband helps me too which is good. It sounds like your sister is doing this for you. Maybe listen to her more than believing your own stories.

Not sure how much I've helped.If you're aged between 12 - 25 have a look at https://www.youthbeyondblue.com there's quite a bit of useful info there.

Please come back to let us know how you are getting on. We do think about the people we respond to.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[white knight]

Hi Elle, welcome

Words can hurt, bullying, teasing, manipulation etc all can hurt- if we let it.

Some of us are more sensitive than others. The ones that aren't sensitive know that they can push the buttons of the sensitive ones ever so subtly and get a reaction. If you react then they have succeeded. So its best to begin to lay down your own standards on how to react to others words and actions. For example

• Only rely on facts direct from the person that says what is claimed by others. i.e. don't ever rely on rumour. Often those that told you just want you all to themselves, they are jealous.
• Keep your distance from troublemakers. But don't be rude or stop talking to them.
• Don't worry about those that defriend you on social media, it will happen all your life.
• Some people will dislike you for no reason. You can be a soft and juicy peach but if they don't like peaches?
• Always ask why. If someone is blabbing about another person and you think it is cruel then say so. eg " I don't think that's a kind thing to say about someone that isn't here, do you"?
• Don't be afraid to be brave and sort out the bad friends to the good ones.
• If person A doesn't want you as a friend that's ok. We all have choices. Let her go.

I hope I've helped. Friends will drift in and out of your life- all your life. One or two will stay around and they will be best friends.

Tony WK

[Guest_843]

Hi there,

Thankyou for your reply,

Yes I'm not worried about her unfriending me anymore, literally so many people unfollow me and I don't even care. Im very inactive on social media anyway. maybe go on there once every two months.

I think the thing with A is, because we had history ( in year 3, in what 2009 ), that for some reason I think because she unfollowed me she's out to get me or something which by the way if i found out say she unfollowed me because i don't go on instagram anymore , then thats fine and makes sense but because of history I just assumed it was something bad ( which till this day is still just an assumption and not based in any facts just history from what 9 years ago ) .

But when I've questioned her before or heard her laughing and thought it was about me, I've listened closer and realised it wasn't about me

So why do I still question something she does? ( for example this situation ) ? when I've been wrong before?

Because I'm not going to make a problem if there isnt one there in the first place ( like if this post isn't even about me)

Sorry that was a bit long

Thankyou very much

[Doolhof]

Hi Elle,

Holding onto a negative that is questionable for so long is enough to do anyone's head in. This girl talked about you behind your back when you were in year 3. It seems that for some reason your mind finds it important to know if this girl actually likes you or not.

Do you feel that A has everything going her way? Do you wish you were A? Do you wish you were more like A? If so, than I understand that. We all see people around us who make us feel like we want to be like them.

We are ourselves though. All we can be is the best we can be in our own skin. You will never be A and I will never be Kylie Minogue.

Social media can be very negative. Some people get so hung up on it they develop dreadful depression and other mental health issues.

Are there things that you enjoy doing in life, things that you are good at? Can you concentrate on those?

Have you ever though that there may be parts of A's life that she hates? Our perspective can be clouded at times.

Over the years I have needed to grow a healthier sense of who I am and who I want to be. Consider those things and see where you would like to be in a year's time.

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_843]

Thankyou for your help

[Doolhof]

Hi Elle,

There were girls at my school who I wanted to be like. Some of them were nasty bullies. They were popular. They seems to have everything I didn't have.

I wanted to be liked, appreciated, accepted. I made myself feel horrible with my sense of self rejection.

I wish there were people in my life back then who could tell me that being me was okay.

Even now as a 50 year old plus lady I still wish I was someone else at times. It is a shame. I am me. I keep finding ways to embrace who I am.

I'm hoping you can stand tall, be proud of who yo are and believe in yourself.

That is my desire for you. We all matter. We are all important and deserve respect.

Stand tall and stand proud.

A guy at Church said something today that hurt and upset me. Later I realised I had taken his words the wrong way. It is easy to do.

Cheers again

[Guest_843]

Hi there,

Im just fine with who i am, I guess maybe I'm not I honestly don't know whats going on

As with A for years since year 3 we've been absolutely fine We are not like best friends and never really have been, as we are not in the same class she is just someone I know and her and her friends sit with mine and her friends at lunch time sometimes.

honestly I don't know why I'm worrying about this post she tagged her friend in

my sister said its most likely not even about me as she believes A wouldn't even think of me and I wouldn't even come to her mind

which is reassuring and honestly probably right as its more on the logical side anyway

Considering I've been wrong before I'm probably wrong now just realising that is hard because I'm so unsure as i can totally see how it can make sense that it is about me

sorry my reply was a bit confusing hopefully it makes sense

Im very thankful for your help

thank you

[Doolhof]

Hi Elle,

Hopefully you will find a way to dismiss these thoughts from your mind. The more we think of a negative like the one you have mentioned, the more it can grow and fester into something that really makes no sense at all.

You have already accepted the message was not about you, yet part of you still thinks it is. You need to find a way to let that go. Your mind might start to second guess a lot of things if you let this keep recurring.

It is wonderful that you are fine with who you are, that is excellent! I'm very pleased you feel that way about yourself. That can be a huge issue when you doubt yourself.

There are some things in life we just don't have an answer for and may never know the reason behind them. We can keep on questioning, struggle to find an answer or just let things go if they are not worth the hassle.

Maybe you need to consider how you want to proceed with this issue.

Cheers, hope you have a good day, from Dools