I just cant cope

[Jazzy94]

So, i am new to this site and to online forums in general. I have been struggling but i am not ready to acknowledge this to my family or friends.(myself to i suppose) It makes it too real.

However i am ready to start the process so here i am. This is less intimidating and scary.

I am 22 and i have a job as a PCA. Its okay. I also have a second job and live at home. Life is actually pretty good for me but i am struggling to appreciate it.

I keep myself up at night with repeatitive thoughts of how i could have done things better, i could be better if i did stopped doing unhealthy shit, i could have been in a happy relationship with person A if i just didnt let my own insecurities beat me.

Its effecting my job some nights i get only 3/4 hours sleep and ive been late for shifts and had 1 given away to someone else completely. Being casual comes with a feeling of uncertainty with my shifts so this past week i havent had a call in and i cant help but blame myself.

I am.having vivid daydreams all the time of how life would be better if only i was more smart, more pretty, more hardworking etc

its just i sit in my room and think why cant i be more like (my dad, a friend even characters in favourite books)

Then i get thinking why cant i just dissapear into one of my favourite novels i just... arent coping.

And now my eating habits. Its all over the place. I am sometimes not eating other times binging till im sick.

Ive been writing in a journal since i was 12 and this feelinf have of being over whelmed and having a racing mind and heart as i tru to sleep has definately gone on longer than 2 weeks. Months actually i could go back in my journal and see the same repeatitive thoughts written a million different ways.

Im hoping that posting here and reading other peoples stories will help me.

[Guest_322]

Hi Jazzy,

Welcome to BB. Good on you for posting and researching out. As is often said, the first step is often the hardest. You've clearly been struggling with a lot.

I'm guessing you haven't received any professional help if you're just starting the process (?) Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I would suggest that the next step is to you make a long appointment with your GP for a mental health plan. He or she should also assess your physical health (to check if there are/aren't any physical reasons that are correlated with or causing your current state of mind).

It might help to jot down bullet points of what you've been going through. Maybe you could even bring a printout of your post or some journal entries to show your GP. That way, he or she can get a better idea of your mental health.

If you're not comfortable showing your GP your journal- is is highly personal after all- you could just tell him/her about the key issues especially the recurring ones that you identified in it.

I can empathise with fantasies of wanting to disappear elsewhere. You imagine disappearing into novels and I sometimes (weirdly) do the same with music- like I want to disappear into a song or piece.

I think it's up to you whether or not you open up to your friends and family. In saying that, if you have a good relationship with them, it would help to have their support. It's often helpful to have a balance of personal and professional help (if possible).

As for others' stories? I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the past. I have seen a range of health professionals over the years: GP, psychologist and psychiatrist. I even saw a paediatrician and rheumatologist at one stage for physical health issues.

Currently, I'm a uni student (uni holidays at the moment) and probably doing a lot better than when I was in my teens. I still have a lot of issues but it's better than before.

All the best with everything and feel free to write again to share more of what you're going through.

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

*reaching out (not "researching out")

Sorry, autocorrect.