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I feel like a failure

Ishbel
Community Member

I am a mum of 6, including 5 with mild special needs. Earlier this year 2 of my children attempted suicide within a fortnight of each other. 1 was due to depression (he has autism) & the other had been bullied at school. I spent so much time taking them from therapy to therapy to get them help, that I got very rundown, as I also suffer from rheumatoid arthritis. I was also working as a casual contractor organising events for a company (nothing was happening due to the pandemic). Eventually, after very little support from the new boss at my work, I chose to resign and be there more for my family. I stupidly said to another person that I had no faith in the company as they’d never bothered to learn how to run the conference from me. Also, 1 of the sponsors quit as she only wanted to sponsor the conference if I was running it. Next thing I find my ex boss coming after me with a court case, as he’s panicked. I was the only one who knew how to run the conferences (he/no one else in the new company tried to learn what I was doing or showed any interest) and thinks I might jeopardise his company and take away all the sponsors. He’s wealthy and wouldn’t think twice about ruining someone for his own personal gain. But now I feel even my worthless. I said 1 stupid thing and he’s blown it all out of proportion. We have good lawyers, but I can’t help but think that I’m a failure at everything.

4 Replies 4

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Hi Ishbel,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that you have been feeling so worthless and like you're a failure. We can hear just how difficult things have been for you lately with the suicide attempts from your children and with this court case. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Sophia16
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Ishbel,

Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. I can see that you are going through a difficult time. I just want to say that you seem like such a hardworking and strong mother, you should be proud of yourself.

I know you will get through this tough time. You mentioned that you have good lawyers, so that's something. I hope that everything goes amazing for you.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Isabel

I can not imagine what youare going through.Having 6 chi,dren would be enough to cope with, I have 3 adult children but I was exhausted when they were younger. 5 children with special needs plus two harming themselves within a fortnight would be so distressing for you. rheumatoid arthritis.

Is such a painful and debilitating disease. Then losing your job and having a court case looming,is so overwhelming. Just one of these things would be enough to make anyone struggle let alone all at once.

You are a very capable woman who cares for your children, managing your children and requires organisational ,psychological and practical skills..

Is there someone who can give you some support.

When mums get rundown it affects the family yet we often put others needs until we are so rundown.

Did writing your post help you see what has happened.
I decide a few years ago to remove failure from my vocabulary.

You are a capable mum, worker , and you have any skillss thst you displayed in your last job so your ex is feels threatened.

If you want feel free to post I am listening.

sbella02
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Ishbel,

Thank you so much for your post, and a warm welcome to our forums. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds like you've been very overwhelmed lately, and for valid reasons too.

The very first thing I want to say is that looking after 6 children, especially if 5 of them have mild special needs, is amazing. Not only have you balanced a career and motherhood, but taking your children to therapy to get them the help that they need, as well as resigning to take more care of your family show that you're caring, generous, and tough. That's very admirable, and it takes a very strong kind of person to be able to fulfil all of these roles simultaneously. That already sounds like success to me.

Hang in there, you're doing brilliantly. It's a great start that you have good lawyers, I'm glad to hear that. Your ex-boss sounds like a horrible person. Stand your ground and speak your truth, and I wish you the very best of luck in your situation.

You've got this! You're a superhero!

We're always here to chat some more if you need. SB