Different Friend Groups

[Sadie243]

Hi there, I have OCD and anxiety and ive had it for 10 years so I know my way around my brain. Lately I've become anxious about mixing friend groups. I belong to multiple friend groups but they are all different. My 2 oldest friends are great but they have completely different interests to me. My boyfriend friends who I get along with really well and have become close friends with have similar interests to me. I always worry and get about mixing those groups together when it comes to having a birthday or social gathering. I always worry that my boyfriends friends are going to judge me on my friends and their interests. My oldest friends boyfriends are also a bit different. They have different interests like gaming and dressing emo. I'm however the complete opposite to all that but I still love my friends. I would love to know how to come about my worries and how to deal with it

[Petal22]

Hi Sadie243,

Wellcome to our forums!

I also suffered with severe anxiety OCD, but I’m now recovered.

Im glad you know your way around your brain 😊

With the friend groups I understand it’s hard sometimes to know if people will get along but it’s something we can’t control every one is different and that’s ok.

Im sure if you had a gathering every one would try to get along…. If it’s for you and they are all your friends they would have you in their best interests to make it a nice gathering….

Just have faith 😊

[geoff]

Hello Sadie, I am really sorry you are suffering from OCD, it's a terrible illness and when you try and explain why you have these thoughts, obsessions/compulsions to someone who doesn't suffer from it they don't really understand and may also say that they too have this illness, but when you compare a tennis and/or golf player who looks as though they also have OCD just before they hit the ball, my psychologist said that it was just their routine and not OCD, as I had asked her a long time ago about this.

We all have different friends who we get on with, but not everybody is exactly like us, they all have their own ideas, personalities and what they like and dislike, but this shouldn't affect whether or not they will or won't agree, they may like a decision about a topic and still laugh at the same joke.

I also have OCD and it's up to these people when invited to a gathering to talk to each other, it won't stop them from talking and they may like 80% of what your friend has said, there can't be 2 exact people with the same feelings.

Can I ask you what happens when a friend invites you to a party, do they consider whether or not your personality will mix with the others, not really, they just want their friends to be present, so let them sort each other out, they will mingle with whom they want to, so don't worry, enjoy yourself.

Geoff.

[The_Bro]

Gidday Sadie 243 and thanks for your post.

I have a similar situation with three main groups of friends who are linked to activities I do. One is cycling, one is radio controlled sailing and the third is stand up paddling. Each group has a quite different personality.

Recently I had a major birthday and invited all three groups. Of course I worried like you about how they would get on.

My wife came up with a trick - everyone was given a large name tag and had to write on it what their primary interest in life was - just one word. Well it wasn't half successful! Lots of them said family, others said being kind, others said reading books, some said cooking, others keeping fit, and so on. Very unexpected really.

And that was the catalyst to start all sorts of conversations between the groups.

So it went from me feeling nervous about mixing different groups, to lots of people chatting about their interest in life. Later feedback to me was how interesting and varied my friends were!

I wouldn't worry about people judging you by your friends - that is going to happen anyway and is arguably a good thing! listen to the feedback and use it to make yourself a better person if that it what you feel you want to do.

It sounds like you have a likeable personality and a great boyfriend. Use that opportunity to deliberately mix friends at a cafe etc and see what happens! You may even want to ignite conversation by saying to the group how different your friends are and what can we find to talk about! Make it humorous and they will respond in ways you might not expect.

On the other hand, it might work to keep you different friends groups apart from each other, giving you the opportunity to stretch your mind it different directions with each group!

Anyway, I hope this might be of interest to you Sadie243 - I'm quite happy to see what you think!

And all the very best with managing your OCD.

Kind thoughts - The Bro

[Sadie243]

Thanks for this! This response has been super helpful and it's given me some perspective 😊

[therising]

Hi Sadie

The bro offers a brilliant trick when it comes to triggering conversations of interest. The name tag idea truly is brilliant. It leads me to think of what would trigger a common interest, to get the ball rolling in a socially challenging situation, such as the one you speak of.

At the end of the day, I think everyone's responsible for how they interact with each other and you can't entirely take responsibility for those interactions. It can be stressful but sometimes we just gotta leave it to them and let things play out. Of course, there may be moments we may need to manage, such as with stepping in to stop an argument or conversation that's getting out of control but that's typically pretty rare.

I recall when my parents first split and I felt the overwhelming need to manage how they got along at family gatherings. In reality, how they chose to get along was their choice, not mine. Can definitely be hard to let go of trying to manage.

🙂