Health Anxiety about someone else

[Turtled]

Hello everyone, I'm new to these forums.

I have recently been diagnosed with GAD. Although I have experienced bouts of anxiety and depression for the past 17 years, the daily panic attacks and excessive worrying is beginning to take its toll on me, my partner and family. The terror and fear I feel all day, every day combined with my trying to act like everything is fine is exhausting.

I am currently receiving help from a psychologist and I am working on practicing mindfulness and meditation - somehow though, the worrying creeps back and I can't ignore it.

The trigger for me was calling my mother and hearing she hadn't gotten out of bed in two days. Our family experienced numerous traumas over the past two years. The devastation and stress was unbearable at times and seeing my mother sick - with what seemed to be just a virus - sent me over the edge.

Although she's back on her feet I'm convinced she has COPD, cancer or is dying of some incurable disease. She just seems "off" to me. I'm studying to be a health professional and constantly look for signs and symptoms. Even if I see none, it's only a matter of minutes before the uncontrollable worrying about her starts again. I visit her almost daily as I am on holidays but by the time I get to the front door I am close to collapse and can barely breathe. I have visions of finding her sick or on the floor.

I am aware of health anxiety, which I too have experienced, only it never consumed me like this. She is 74 and has never been one to seek medical help. I had made an appointment for her when she was unwell but she cancelled. I understand she has the right to make that choice and she's aware of my concerns but brushes them off. I know my worries may seem irrational and as my psychologist says "not helpful to the actual situation", but they're real and all I feel is hopeless and desperate.

For anyone here who has experienced GAD and come out the other side, please tell me there is hope and share how you got through. Also, has anyone here ever experienced such overwhelming fear about the health of a loved one? I know it's common for parents to worry about their children like this, but has anyone ever felt this way about their parents or someone else in their life?

thanks in advance and sorry for the long post

[BballJ]

Hi Turtled,

Firstly, welcome to the forums.

As someone who has had anxiety for around 10 years myself, I can totally relate, I have had health anxiety mixed in there as well. The worry is unbearable at the best of times... with all the help I have had from these forums, a psychologist and understanding of my anxiety, I can say I have learnt to live with it. I don't know if you ever fully get over it but you can 100% live with it and not let is consume your life. I think you are doing all the right things to help yourself in this situation, seeing a GP, seeing a psychologist, practising mindfulness and meditation.. they are all recipes for a successful recovery journey but the thing to remember is that, it is a journey and there is no time limit on how long it can take to feel at ease from it. You have to keep doing what you are doing and paying attention to everything the psych and GP says to you and you can come out of this.

Regarding the health anxiety for your mum, I can't say personally I have ever had that and I do hope someone can comment who has experienced what you are going through... I mean we all have had some anxiety about family members being sick and what not but I just haven't had it to the extent you have. Would your mum going to the doctors really help your anxiety? I know you said she brushes it off but have you told her exactly how you are feeling and that by going to get checked out for your peace of mind and hers of course that it will help a great deal?

My best for you,

Jay

[MsPurple]

Hi Turtled. I also have GAD and I can completely relate to you

I used to have really bad health anxiety. Especially after I had a temporary illness. It scared me. I then thought every bout of anxiety was my throat starting to close due to a reaction, where it was just anxiety causing throat spasms.

When I was younger I had a lot of anxiety about death and the afterlife. My anxiety caused me to become Christian to a point that it put strain on my family. I was scared that if I sinned just a little bit, if my thoughts were bad that I would go to hell. I was scared my family would die and go to hell. It was horrible.

For how I overcame health anxiety. Yes it may come back sometimes, but never as bad as it used to be. For me my health anxiety was caused by my anxiety being severe and not treated. My anxiety was out of control and I had lots of physical and mental symptoms. Once I went to therapy and got treatment for my anxiety I found my health anxiety as well as my after life anxiety went down. Yes I do still worry about health, but in a healthy way (exercise regularly for cardiovascular health for example).

I also tried to practice deep breathing when my anxiety (or health anxiety) flared up. Breath in for 7 and out for 7. I also try and meditate before going to sleep. It helps stop my racing mind which helps me sleep. Sleep is really important for anxiety treatment in the long term.

Another suggestion is to tell yourself "I am ok, I am fit and healthy. Nothing is wrong with me, this is my anxiety talking". I found just acknowledging it helped. You can also use this by saying 'my mum is ok'.

[Turtled]

Thank you to Jay and MsPurple for you kindness and understanding. Thank you for sharing your stories, I am so sorry to hear that you both suffered so much. I can only commend you for sharing your experiences, it must have been a truly awful period of time. The loneliness of this disorder is unbearable at times and I'm so thankful I found these forums and people that can relate. Every day I wake up worrying and filled with fear and feel like I'm staring down a dark tunnel where there isn't a single other soul in sight. I desperately want to feel safe again and joining these forums has given me hope.

As much as I struggle with the reality, I think I'm on my way to accepting that anxiety is not curable, only manageable.

I've been told that my incessant worrying is a product of my own mind and isn't based on reality, has anyone else struggled with accepting this or felt like their worries are so real they couldn't possibly not be real?

As for my mum, she refuses to see a doctor because she doesn't think anything is wrong and she doesn't see the point in doing it for my benefit. She said my worrying about her only makes her "feel worse", which in itself makes me believe something is already wrong. Plus, in the past she's expressed that she would rather not know if something is wrong rather than go through treatment or live with the burden of a diagnosis - this knowledge only fuels my fears!

I feel so frightened. I know it's possible to be a hypochondriac but there doesn't seem to be a term for my obsession with the health of someone else which makes me think my concerns are definitely real and based on facts.

[MsPurple]

I know how frustrating it is for your mum not wanting to go to a doctor. Some people just don't like going to the doctor unless they see a need to go. I usually only go when I think I need some medical intervention e.g. sore throat for a few days that I think maybe needs antibiotics. This is quite a common thing for people to do. If she doesn't think anything is wrong then it maybe understandable that she doesn't want to see a doctor.

I'm not too sure if anxiety is curable. I think managed is a better term. It is similar in a way to type 2 diabetes. You may get diagnosed with it and need some medication. But with a healthy diet and exercise you may get your sugar levels under control and no longer need medication. Although you may not need treatment it doesn't mean you don't need to manage your health and look after yourself to prevent it returning. I guess anxiety is the same. You may manage it to a point that you don't need meds or therapy as often, but you still need to do self care to make sure it doesn't come back as bad as it was. Does that make sense?

I suggest when you feel overwhelmed with health anxiety you take 5 minutes to sit down and meditate. I use an app called CALM (i only use the free parts). Take some time to focus on your breath and to focus on the moment. This can help stop your racing anxious thoughts. Before you meditate say to yourself "Myself and my mum are healthy. We are ok. It is the anxiety talking." I have found this has helped me because it is usually my racing mind feeding the health anxiety

[BballJ]

Hi Turtled,

I can't say that my constant worry has made me question if things are real per say but I have reflected on some of my worries and wondered why they have caused so much grief especially when I know the answer or solution to the worry. It such a vicious cycle and I am in your boat, I don't know if it is 100% curable but it definitely is manageable. You will get there.

Just because there isn't an official title for your worry for your mum doesn't make it any less relevant... you have these fears and I believe they come down from your anxiety. There is no shame in worrying about your mum... it is hard that she doesn't want to go to the doctors herself but that is her decision... just keep suggesting it, everyone deserves as much help as they can get if it is needed.

Glad you have found these forums helpful.

My best,

Jay

[Worry_Wort]

Hi Turtled,

I can totally relate as I am hyper worried about my Mum too. I have been that way for as long as I can remember as she is my rock and my biggest fear is losing her. She had a couple of health scares a few years back that sent my anxiety and fear into overdrive and as she gets older, my worries just grow!

If it’s of any comfort my mum goes to the doctors regularly especially when I ask her to get something checked but eventually I find something else to fixate on ie if she has a cough could be lung cancer, she has a dry mouth so could be cancer of the salivary glands etc! It’s a vicious cycle.

We need to take control of our fears and not let them control us! Meditation really helps me.. I think I might do some meditating now actually lol

Just know you are not alone.

xx