Have you forgiven yourself?

[Scotchfinger]

There are things I find hard to even admit to myself, let alone tell a bunch of strangers on a forum. Not jailable offences but still things I am in no way proud of.

I think for some of us, guilt is like a chronic disease. it erodes our soul. It makes us think we need to keep suffering in order to pay for our sins. And it affects our relations with people in a negative way. So I can't just say I've been a victim in life because I've also been one who has caused others pain and anguish. I don't need to hear your sins, just the fact that you continue to suffer guilt like me.

[Guest_1055]

Hey Scotchfinger

Have I forgiven myself? I don't think I actually have. But I don't think I struggle with guilt either maybe my feeling is more a remorseful one or something, so I am hoping it is OK for me to post a reply?

I have had a lot of practice forgiving other people, and I know the feeling you receive when I am forgiven by others. But to actually forgive myself, well I don't think I have even started on that lesson. That is the way I see life sometimes, a series of lessons that came about and are woven into our very souls. These lessons help change us or help us to grow into the people who we were created to be. I hope to learn more, so thank you Mr Scotchfinger for bringing this vital question out in the open.

Hugs to you

Shelley xxx

[Scotchfinger]

shelley

as long as you forgive me for my childish antics on here, I'll forever be your friend.

All jokes aside, my impression of you is this. "Is she real? She can't be that nice, can she" They don't make people like that anymore, do they?"

Thanks for your kindness as usual.

[Guest_1055]

Mr Scotchfinger

I admire and appreciate your childish antics as you call it. I truly do. And I wish I could just physically hug you for the smiles you have helped me to have. 

Yeah I think I am real, but don't often feel like it though.

xxx

[Blue_Water]

Thank you Durras for your kind comments.

It is truly inspiring the people that visit this site to help others. Perhaps in an advert way, we're also subliminally healing ourselves by verbalising what we already know however sometimes seldom practice. This forum is a unique way to reinforce our beliefs so that we become the person we want to be to ourselves and others.

Life is like a carousel, it never stops turning and presenting us with challenges to face daily. We can either embrace it with vigour wrapping our arms around it like a soft toy. Or we can take time out from it to process our pain and anguish in the hope we can keep going with life. I believe human beings are resilient and tough when we need to be. We find strength in the darkest recesses of our minds hearts which keep us getting up each day to do our best. Forgiveness and learning to really let go is exactly that, to move past our previous errors and move on to a more positive way of thinking and behavouring. I know it's easier said than done, but if we don't give up, eventually we'll get to our destination - fresh and anew to walk a cleaner path without walking with a limp.

Cheers Bailey  

[Moonstruck]

Childish Antics Scotchfinger?  you crunchy sweet old Cookie!

I haven't noticed any...where were they? I must have missed them.  I had the impression you were a deep-thinking, reflective, highly intelligent, analytical, perceptive person.......I think we all need to indulge in a few childish..or should that be "childlike" antics from  time to time....have a good day.........Moonstruck

[Scotchfinger]

Moonstruck

I have no problem embracing my inner child. It's the inner adult that seems to go AWOL. [smiley face)

[Simona]

Yes I forgive myself.  I was never a bad person.   I was a good person doing bad things but at the time I didn't think about it at all because I really had no feelings then.  

[Neil_1]

Dear all

This thread seems like as good a place as any to do a little unload – I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of days and I now think, why not.

Living with guilt is awful.  It’s like a heavy load that you have to drag along every day;  it’s like a black storm cloud looming over you every day;  it’s like a piercing long knife plunged deep inside your very soul;  it’s … it’s that and a whole lot more.

My closest brother and best mate is no longer on this earth because of me.  He drowned and I was with him and unable to save him.  I made the wrong decisions and I paid the penalty – the ultimate penalty.  It was in a river and he wasn’t found for about 2 days.  This was nearly 25 years ago and I live with the pain of this every day.

The lead up, the during and the aftermath are all so clear in my mind.

The shattering of the family because of this – all our lives turned around, turned on their heads – and the years of counselling and sessions with professionals that I’ve had to try to come to terms with it.  But I simply cannot.

I won’t go into details more than what I have – but I live with the guilt of what I did every day and knowing that if I’d chosen a different course of action, things would have been so much different.  I didn’t and I live with the gigantic pain of that.

I don’t know whether I feel better or not for having written this – though as I’ve been here for a number of years now, I can’t remember if I’ve revealed this side of me before – I have a pretty poor memory.   Isn’t it funny – I just said I have a pretty poor memory, but if you’d like me to recall the incident, the before and after, I can paint you the exact picture of it all and can add in emotions, as well.

There you go – sometimes we just have to live with what we’ve created – for good, for bad or for whatever.

Neil

[Blue_Water]

Dear Neil,

That's a horrendous burden you've carried and still carry today. I don't think there is anything I can say that probably already hasn't been said before by counsellors, psychiatrics etc. My heart goes out to you and if there was a machine or tablet that could wipe away our bad memories, I'd help you be one of the first people to have your experience purged.

I've read your posts and replies and must say, you're a standout when it comes to imparting sensitive and caring advice. I wish so much you could forgive yourself as I'm sure you did the best you could back then under those circumstances. You're a wonderful person with incredible insightful knowledge of people and emotions, I think you've helped many on this site beyond your wildest dreams. You may feel you couldn't save your brother and friend, but by golly I wholeheartedly believe you've saved many a soul here from passing over earlier than they should have. For that you should stand tall and be proud. There aren't too many Neil's out there like you,but there should be, we need more!! 

 Bailey 

[Moonstruck]

Oh Neil.....I wish there was something I could say that could help....I echo Blue Water's comments about what a beautiful person you are...I know your comforting words to me recently were precious...not "just anyone" could have chosen those right words.. you did!!!  Now I feel unable to adequately repay your gift.  I am so sorry to hear of your huge burden....that you have surely carried for long enough now.

I'd like to visualise your brother looking into your eyes from wherever he is is now....and saying "Neil..time to put it down..I forgive you...all is well".......

.What if he did that?   What if you were to be forgiven?  What if you already are?......

take care my friend......Moonstruck