Grades Impacting Mental Health

[Tori_L]

I don’t even know if anxiety is the best place to put this but I am diagnosed with anxiety and depression. Compared to last semester, where my grades were still good in the D, HD area. This semester I’m most likely floating in Credits and would count myself lucky to get a Distinction. I know it’s not necessarily bad but I pride myself on my grades and the fact that not only will my grades be lower but this is my final semester of Uni. So these will be my last grades and instead of going out with a bang I’m leaving a flop.

I’ve been quite upset about this for a bit but tonight I went over the edge. I got marks back for a 2 question multiple choice quiz and didn’t get either correct!! This has impacted my marks now to a point that if I get a 70 in my final (which is the grade I seem to be averaging) I would be 2% away from getting a distinction for my overall grade. I cried hard for 40mins and still am trying to catch my breath. I’m just so scared of looking mediocre even though a) I know I’ll still pass and b) my parents are still happy with that.

but for myself!? I can’t accept it, I congratulate other people on their grades but if I was to receive something similar Id want to vomit and I’d absolutely hate myself. I’m rambling now but yeah, I just feel worthless and disappointed.

[therising]

Hi Tori_L

It can be so incredibly hard to get out of the depressing and anxiety inducing habit of grading our self, in one way or another. Degrading our self is possibly the worst habit of all. Recalling my years in depression (which are behind me), I had a habit of degrading myself on a regular basis.

I believe, if we can't quite master the challenge of overcoming 'how we measure up', until we do, the least we can do is measure abilities under the circumstances. It's been an incredibly tough year (understatement) for many students. Under the circumstances of having less excitement in our life, less opportunity to vent through activities that act as a natural forms of stress release, less social interaction/support, less inspiration and less of a lot more things, such circumstances will determine a significant difference in our performance.

As I say to my kids (daughter challenged by VCE and son seriously challenged in year 9), never underestimate the ability of a challenge to mess with your identity. If a challenge leads us to hope less, this does not define us as hopeless. If a challenge leads us to value our self as being worth less, this does not define us as worthless. If a challenge leads us to being unable to achieve what we normally would, under different circumstances, this does not define us as an underachiever. In fact, we may have tried harder than ever before based on a new and overwhelming challenge presented to us. This would define us as a high achiever regarding tolerance and determination. Simply managing to stay alive in the very depths of depression is a massive achievement, given the nature of such a state.

I am hoping, when you look back, you're able to say 'In the year of COVID, through enormous mental health challenges, I achieved better than most could have imagined'. I'm also hoping you're able to see the best in yourself...the warrior who battles to regain mental well being, the student who seeks motivation when inspiration and perhaps energy is in short supply, the sage who seeks to find their natural self, the best in them self, without relying on how they measure up.

I've a friend who teaches at uni. He's said all teachers have the ability to alter grades based on overall performance. He'd insist on you approaching the most reasonable and say 'Under the circumstances of incredible mental health challenges and during COVID, I have performed with great distinction. I would like this to be reflected in my overall result'.

🙂

[Not_Batman]

Hi Tori_L

Thanks for your post, and welcome to the forum. This is absolutely the right place for your post.

Its appears that you are wuite hrd on yourself, but dont discount yourself for getting a lower mark than you intended. A credit is still a very good mark, and a 70 average, wow...congratulations on your marks this far.

a lot of people say P’s get degrees, but that can be very hard to accept when we pride ourselves so much on getting good scores. Having not long finished a degree myself (and im no spring chicken) i know all too well about the pressure we place on ourselves, for wanting to be a success.

we can also have perceived pressures that we add, such as having an need to do well because of a financial sponsor, or that we want to be the brightest light on the Christmas tree.

A candle the burns twice as bright burns half as long.

Exams, and tests can be daunting, some people manage them better, and in my experience anx/dep didnt help the situation. But the mark isn't necessarily important. In the real world understanding the content is the important part. I passed, and i havent had an exam since.

Try not to focus on the mark, and compare yourself to others, your mark is your mark, its nobody else's business.

go back to what you said a) you will still pass b) your parents will be happy. These are 2 very good point to focus on. Have you tried to talk to your parents about what you are feeling?

what sort of study are you doing ?(teaching, commerce, law, engineering, etc)

Not_Batman

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. Just tagging at the moment. Have appointment in a few min so I will reply later on. I can relate to some of your story.

Tim

[smallwolf]

My follow-up reply...

It sounds like you degree is finishing this term? And you were concerned about finishing on a low note.

Firstly I want acknowledge the grades to have achieved to this term. That is no mean feat. You also sound kind and generous towards other students and their grades. I can also tell you that ending with a couple of credits will seem bad, it will very little "damage" to your GPA.

My story overlapping yours (?) ...

I first went to Uni in the 90s. I did Comp. Sci. and in the 3rd year I failed one subject. I had to work hard to get my GPA back above 5 so that I could do honors. Long story short, I was able to finish with Masters degree. I had no interested in academia so taking it any further was not necessary. Fast forward to 2015... I started a 2nd degree. At that time perfectionism had set well in truly in and like you a Credit was not good enough. Three years ago I had a breakdown and stopped study - the breakdown was a result of things at work, but it also affected my study. I stopped study cause failing was not on my radar and my perfectionism fed into my feelings of worthlessness if I thought I did not do well enough. I would not look at where I did well, I could only see the mistakes! While 2nd degree on hold a friend I chatted with told me if you only concentrate on passing you (can) get better results as you are not putting stress onto yourself to get a certain grade. I cannot confirm how well this works, and sounds contradictory.

Some questions...

Your need to get at least a (D)istinction something you put on yourself? Or external pressures?

If somebody else told you the story you posted I wonder what you said in reply?

I would be interested in your thoughts. Please do not feel like you have to answer any questions. Peace to you,

Tim

[Guest_0753]

Hello Tori,

Thanks for sharing. That is amazing you are even doing university as for me, I just went on to study Tafe level which still got me into the role I wanted

I definitely wouldn't think of you as mediocre, more like a very smart cookie who will eventually achieve what they set out to do 🙂 and no doubt your parents will be proud of you regardless. I can see you are very passionate about grades which I don't think is a bad thing, maybe you might be putting too much pressure on yourself which I do as well but when it comes to social situations. Try other fun things for yourself throughout your day to give that working brain a rest. Go for a walk at your campus, chat with a student, anything you can think of. It will do you the world of good

You are worth putting in all that time and effort for your career you dream of

Good luck 🙂

[Tori_L]

Thank you for your reply, it was very thoughtful and wise. There are things here I’ll definitely remind myself. Thank you

[Tori_L]

Thanks for your response. I appreciate it, my parents say the same thing, if I put 100% in and the result is a pass they are happy with that. I’m studying public health policy

[Tori_L]

Definitely internal pressure that I feel like has resulted from, like you, perfectionism but also the fact that I see how happy my parents get and how proud they are to share when I have done well. So not only do I feel like I’ve left myself down, but I’ve let them down too

[Tori_L]

I’d probably also tell them the same thing everyone has said. Uni can be hard and putting pressure on yourself makes it even harder, whatever you achieve is perfectly fine and you are so strong for doing it during COVID. But it just believing that for myself is hard