Girlfriend Isolating Herself Due to Living Conditions

[Bouncing_Rabbit]

I have been with my lovely girlfriend for just recently a year, she is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me and I love her more then the world itself. 80% of the time she happy and we call and text often and the other 20% she isolates herself and pushes me away. I have tried to find anything online about people only spacing sometimes but I can't seem to. She is living at home with her terrible father and step mother who treat her horribly, always throughout our relationship she has dealt with problems with them and we would usually talk about them and focus on the next thing. We also do both have school at the moment and exams and she is stressing a lot about that at the moment, and I have helped here with a few of them to keep her back on track. However in the past 3 months she has been very on and off, we have had our one year and other times together and she has been ecstatic and really happy whenever we hang out but when we are at home and calling she operates very differently. She will push herself away and tell me to give her space and not want to talk to me or discuss her problems even when I suggest ways to take the load off of her. When she is not pushing away she is an incredible kind and caring girl and I'm so proud of her but when I discuss these issues she will either dismiss them and say she doesn't want to talk about them or we will make a plan but it will never work. I care about her a lot and want to make her happy however she never gives me the option to and I just want to help her. Her and I really do mean a lot to each other but sometimes it is hard to believe that when your constantly getting pushed away. I'm just really scared for her and need a solution she hasn't been diagnosed with anything or checked up recently. I just want to be able to make her happy all the time and stop these breaks and constant push aways. Thanks for reading 

[Minxy]

Hi Bouncing_Rabbit,

When you usually converse with her about issues, aside from family abuse and university stress, did you mention anything along the lines of masking (as in appearing "normal" to neurotypical people), being someone and not yourself or anything relating to "faking it until you make it"? . How frequent does she isolate herself before and prior to noticeable behaviour in the last 3 months?  You don't have to answer these if you want.

Perhaps her dealing with family abuse, on top of dealing with university stress and other things, has gradually taken a toll on her mentally and possibly doesn't want to overload on you in fear of invalidation or being "clingy". Do you believe this could be the case? Again, you don't have to answer.

[Bouncing_Rabbit]

Thanks Minxy, 

I don't believe I have said anything and she always says it isn't something I have done or said. She isolated herself half the time over the past three months. I'm not sure if she's worried about being clingy as I am usually the clingy one, and we have always been super close and in a sense clingy to each other.

Unfortunately a little after I had posted this she broke up with me, I was devastated but the breakup was a good one and she has send very long and meaningful texts. She tells me she just can't handle everything going on and she needs to find herself again. She also says its nothing to do with my and said some really nice things about me and how it has impacted her in positive ways. She also said another reason was because she feels like she keeps hurting me with all the isolating and wants me to be happy at the end of the day. She doesn't realize how much she makes me happy and her value to me and I'm very worried for her. It does have a silver lining as she really would love to get back together when she finds herself, I have spoken to her lovely mother (the father is the one she lives with and is horrible) and we want to book her into the doctors, and maybe some therapy. We are both going to remain loyal to each other but not girlfriend and boyfriend, and still have the same accounts on social media and keep up the posts of each other.  She really is the most gorgeous person and best thing to happen to me and all I want is the best for her, and I know she wants the same for me. We are going to have minimal contact but keep in touch still.

Thank you for responding.